I know this, my conscious mind knows this, I’m confident generally self-assured but sometimes I just feel so hopeless at this Motherhood gig. It’s me judging me. It’s like I’m not good enough for myself.
I find it really hard when I try and try and yet – the voice still says “you’re not good enough”.
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we feel the need to be this perfect mum? – There is no such this as perfect I know this. – I do know this!
Yet I still feel it. I wish I loved to cook, I wish I was organised; I wish I was more patient with my kids, I wish I didn’t yell.
I remember growing up and people saying you will be the best Mum – Well sorry but I’m not – I’m really not!
I wish for so much and I think that is what makes it even worse is that I wish for someone else.. Someone that isn’t me.
I drive along in my car and silent tears come. Silent tears of just not being good enough.. will I ever be good enough for me I wonder??