This is a FAQ post. These are the most popular answers to a real question asked on The Imperfect Mum.
A bit of a hard question to put into words. Lately I’m feeling like i’m now just “his wife” and “her mother” – I’m feeling like I’ve lost who I used to be. I used to be a fairly social independant woman and now I feel as though I have somehow been robbed of my independance. I have an 8 month old that I love unconditionally and wouldn’t give up for the world but sometimes I just really want to run away and have a break. Has anyone else felt this way? And please dont just say it’s pnd because I have discussed it with my doc and she said its not and that I just need to ask for help and get more alone time which is practically impossible. Thank you in advance
Oh sweety – there is nothing abnormal about feeling this way! And I think you’ll find most women do or have felt the same at some point!
You need to work out how to get some you time back! Whether it’s a yoga class or going for a run or just a girls night!
And make sure you sit hubby down and have a chat with him too! Good luck xx
Most mummas feel this way at some point….not everyone is honest and says it out loud, but I’ve yet to find a mum that has not felt this way.
Wanting to reclaim you, or catch a break, is in no way an indication of PND
Acknowledge the absolutely awesome job….you are a wife, a mum, you work and you have adapted home and work to fit around an infant.
You are entitled to a ‘you’ day, to a little bit of pampering….jeez girl!….just a break for coffee with a girlfriend (without hub or bub) can start to give you ‘you’ back.
Could you negotiate with hubby for some special time with him, and also some time out with friends?
Being a mum is all consuming, balancing it with helping to run a family business, supporting hubby and, I would assume, still running a home.
Be good to you, take time to rediscover you, value ALL that you do….and acknowledge how well you do it
Nice work IM….now book some you time!
I run my own fdc (Family Day Care) which sees me with my kids 5 days a week. I love my job and my kids but have found it vitally important for everyone (mostly myself) that I have ‘me’ time every day.
I have a shower at night during which no one is allowed to interrupt me and I walk for 30-60 minutes most days. No one said you time has to be a long time or far away, but has to be time just for you. Hope you find your inner balance!
Yes!!! I used to feel like this and still do sometimes. We opted for family daycare one day a week so I can have a break and get stuff done and also so our boys can have time with other kids, as I don’t even get to leave the house.Sometimes when they’re in daycare, I’ll go have lunch with a friend and do a little shopping and have a ME day; other days I’ll just stay home and do housework and use the time to catch up on house stuff that I find it hard to do when they’re home.Def recommend daycare, we all need a break sometimes – or if you can get a sitter for a night or a weekend, have a night or two away with hubby or even just a day out together. good luck xx
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I think you need to book your baby into at least one day of day care a week! I was in a similar situation with my first baby and once I put him to day care while I worked it was the best thing, even though you are working you only have yourself to think about and if you want to go out for lunch or need to go to something for yourself you can
I think as woman we try and do it all. And our husbands (mine included) will let us do everything if we don’t say “hey – I need help”. It’s a hard and difficult line being able to say I need help, and feeling like a nag.
I had it out with mine a little over a week ago because his work has dropped off a bit and mine has picked up (I am only doing part time, so I don’t know how your doing full time) and I was still doing everything. I think you need to speak to him and explain how frustrated you are. If he doesn’t know he can’t help.
Mine is really good with saying “Why don’t you have a girls night out?” (and sometimes you really just need dinner and a movie). I would also look at putting bubs in Childcare for at least a couple of days a week, so you can catch a break. Sorry for such a long winded response.
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Welcome to motherhood! I could just about guarantee you that almost every mother on this page has felt like this from time to time, but we just have to suck it up and wait till they move out to get our life back.
However, in the mean time you should probably try make some time out just for yourself, to do what ever it is that you please, it might even be just to sit and have a quite cuppa and read a book BY YOURSELF, or go for a walk BY YOURSELF or even have a shower BY YOURSELF! (See we get it)
Also you might want to keep in mind that this feeling gets worse with the more kids you have, as you have even LESS time to yourself, just some food for thought. I hope you manage to find some time for yourself to recharge the batteries.
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I agree with your doctor. Take an afternoon for your self, catch up with old friends from before marriage and bub. You have changed and its up to you to find out who the new you is. I know this is something we all have to face some sooner than others.
I know exactly how you feel! And honestly I think all mummies feel it, so your not alone! It’s a hard change having a baby, you can’t do a lot of the things you use too and you are NEVER alone any more Ask your partner if he could take bub for a fee hrs on the weekend and just go shopping by ur self or sit in the tub! You need time for urself hope it feel better xo
I feel like this all the time and everyone just says pnd and it drives me nuts. Sounds like your trying to take on too much too soon and need time out for awhile. I’m going ahead and assuming your not getting a great nights sleep yet so that would not be helping at all. I know with myself when I don’t get a good sleep my anger and frustration fuse is very short.Are you into excersising? Maybe that will help keep it at bay and give you a chance to get ur frustration out. Good luck