What makes you beautiful?

There has been many discussions on I.M about beauty, women feeling like they are not beautiful.  Women feeling like they’re not enough.

And, this worries me.

So, what makes you beautiful?

Aesthetically you may rate as as 4 or a 10? Who knows?

And yes I would be lying if I said that aesthetics don’t come into play.

They do.  However, I have seen really aesthetically pleasing people that are just not beautiful.

Beauty comes from your heart.

Beauty comes from self belief.

Beauty comes from the way you hold yourself.

Beauty comes from your self confidence.

Beauty comes from deep within you.

As I said,  I won’t discount aesthetics. Yes, a symmetrical face is pleasing to the eye.  But, BUT what is more pleasing is self belief and self confidence.

What if you suffer from lack of  self belief and self confidence? How do you build that up?

Here are a few things I would recommend:

  1. Think about things you’re good at
    Everyone has things they are good at.  What would your best friend say about you? What would your boss say about you? What would your partner say about you?  Everyone has strengths and talents, what are yours?  Pretend you’re them and write them down. Recognising what you’re good at and trying to build on those things can be a really valuable way of building confidence in your own abilities.
  2. Set some goals
    Set some personal goals and aim to achieve them. They don’t have to be big goals; they can even be things like starting Yoga or raising money for someone that may need it, or just something you have been putting off for a long time.  Just little things that can be ticked off a list and help you gain self-confidence in your ability to get stuff done.
  3. Positive Self Talk
    You’re never going to feel confident if you have a negative commentary running through your mind telling you you’re no good. Think about your self-talk and how that might be affecting your self-confidence. Go back to step 1 and re-read that list.  Put it up on the fridge and look at it often.  Turn your negative self-talk around, turn it into positive affirmations.
  4. Look at what you’ve already achieved
    Sometimes it can be easy to focus on what you haven’t done. It’s easy to lose confidence if you feel like you haven’t achieved anything. Focusing on stuff you have done, big or small, can help you gain perspective on all your talents and abilities.
  5. Get passionate about something
    Try to find something that you’re really passionate about. Do you like organising events and people? what about volunteering for your school fete or some community event.  Think of some of the stuff you’re really interested in and commit yourself to giving it a go. Finding stuff that you’re passionate about will help you find stuff that you’re good at. Chances are, if you’re interested or passionate about a certain subject you’re likely to be good at it as well.

So tell me, what do you think makes a human beautiful?

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Self Care

7 Replies

Kirsty Forbes

Great post Kristy! The ironic thing is, I totally agree with everything you have said. And have said exactly the same thing to girlfriends of mine. I don't think it's just aesthetics. It's the whole package. But in saying that - I personally don't think I am beautiful? I've never had good self esteem (which stems from my upbringing) so I am not at all self confident. Which, now in my late twenties I see as the catalyst for my anxiety disorder lol... Ahhh what a mess.

The Imperfect Mum

Kirsty! Really??? Shit, I would never have thought that! I'm really shocked. You come across so self confident. You stand out. Think about it. I noticed you out of 26,000 people. Why? Because you stand out! You're beauty exudes big time. Read what I wrote over and over.. It is THE TRUTH!

Kirsty Forbes

Ohhh thanks babe. That really means alot. I guess other anxiety sufferers would know how good we become at hiding it out of embarrassment I guess? Your words have really truly touched me babe. Thank you <3

Sharni Dowling

YES! So beautifully said!

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks beautiful girl xxx


I was once what I would have called beautiful if I was looking at myself from the outside, because of course, we never appreciate what we are at the time. I was fit, strong, confident, happy and felt like I was doing everything I could do to take as much care of myself, both inside and out, body and mind as I could. Looking back, i think that is what I thought of as beautiful. But then I got extremely sick while pregnant with my first child. By the time my (very healthy) baby was born my body was shutting down and I was partially paralyzed. I lost the ability to walk, the use of my limbs and all the feeling in both hands and feet and the left side of my face. I didn't lose my...self...straight away though. It wasn't until about a year in when it became apparent that I wasn't recovering as expected, that the depression and anxiety and all the crap that goes with it set in. Then i lost all sense of who I was before. It's been very hard to accept that I'm not who I was before, and I still haven't come to terms with that yet. That will be a long and probably very isolated road...and you know what doesn't help, people saying, 'but you are the same person', or 'you'll get there', because I truly am not the same, and will not be, and no matter how well meaning people are when they say these things, it doesn't actually help. I was a personal trainer, I never can be again. I was a lot of things that i probably never will be again. But more important than that, I lost somewhere the feeling of self confidence that I had that was a large part of who I was. It's a funny thing when you lose something you didn't actually realize you had in the first place, but that was such a big part of you. Like when you have your arm in a cast and realize how much you use your elbow!! Though I'm taking tiny little baby steps to try to regain some of what I've lost, and to try to build a new me that is as good as i can make her, there is almost nothing that makes me feel beautiful at the moment. Almost. My husband, bless him tells me he loves me every day and still tells me, as he always did before I got sick that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. But the thing that REALLY makes me feel beautiful is my sweet and caring 2 and a half yo little boy. When those beautiful little eyes look at me in a way that no one else in the world does, like I am brighter than the sun in the sky, when mummy's kisses and cuddles are the only thing that he wants, that will make it better, and when I say I love you and get an 'i-wu-oo' back with a truly beaming smile, THAT is when I feel beautiful. He doesn't care who I was before, how I walked tall and without a slight limp, how good I looked all dolled up after 2 hours in the bathroom and wearing a pair of 6 inch heels. He sees the same person whether I'm in my pjs for 3 days, I'm trying desperately to hide behind as many sarongs and towels as I possibly can as it sit at the edge of the kiddy pool, or I've dressed up and gone out for the night feeling like a sheep in a wolfs fat suit. He just sees his mummy and in his eyes I'm beautiful.

Carolyn @ Champagne Cartel

Thanks for that brilliant post Kristy. Sometimes we need a bit of a reminder to step back and appreciate what we have, who we are and what we have achieved (and are yet capable of). This came at the perfect time for me - like the universe knew I needed to read that today (even made me mist up a bit but I'm sitting in a café so trying to control myself!). I have had a very ordinary August and I'm treading water, waiting for September to start (like that magic number will change everything - ha!). But it has been a wonderful gift to just take a breath and think about all that I have achieved this year. I actually feel pretty good about myself most of the time but have let things pile up on me this month. Thanks for giving me this moment to reaffirm all that is great in my world - and there is LOADS. xx