The Imperfect Mum’s Sisterhood- Top 15 Tips on how to stay Married/Together

Firstly I would like to start by thanking the beautiful sisterhood of  Imperfect Mum’s  for coming together to help me write this.  I myself have been with my husband since I was 16.  We have been together more years than we have been apart, a total of 19 years in fact.  We have shared many ups and downs but are very blessed to be still very much in love.

1. Talk, talk, talk, talk
Communication is an integral part of any good relationship.  Make sure you listen to your partner & don’t dismiss their thoughts/feeling/opinions just because you don’t share them Talking honestly and openly about all things including the “big” things and the “small.”

2. Go on dates
Schedule in date nights with just the two of you, Movies, Dinner if you can’t afford to “go out” cook dinner at home set the table up with candles and put some nice music on. Make sure you put that little bit of extra effort in by getting “dressed up”.

 3. Keep your own interests
Spending time apart is very healthy, keeping up with your own friendships hobbies, and sport.

4. Greet them with Love:
Try to always greet with a big smile and hello. This makes the other person to feel valued and appreciated. This also seems to set the scene for the rest of your time together.

5. Make each day a new one
Don’t drag up old “bad” stuff, there is nothing worse than bringing up the past, if you have already dealt with it – leave it there!

 6. Job Delegation
Work out what jobs each other is doing write it up and put it up in a common area ie the fridge. This takes out the ugly task of having to ask someone to do something which seems to be the trigger for many disagreements.  It’s simple that’s their job and they need to make sure it happens.

7. Don’t try to change
Don’t try to change or “fix” your partner you married them for a reason and that was because you loved them – Accept and Rejoice and love them for who they are.

8. Life doesn’t have to be serious:
Just because you married things need to be serious.  Have fun, laugh joke around. Be silly  together– laughter is the essence of any good relationship.

9. Don’t try to win every fight.
Sometimes you need to take the back sit and realise that it’s not imperative that you win every fight! – Even if you really think your right – who really cares and does it really matter? – as Dr Phil says “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy”?

10. Put yourself in your partners shoes
Try to always think about how you would feel if you were in your partner’s position; always try to view the situation from their angle.

11. Don’t compare your marriage with someone else’s
What works for some doesn’t for others. Every marriage is a completely different combination.

12. Treat each other with Respect:
Respect is so important in any good relationship, treating and talking to each other respectfully is very important to keep your marriage healthy it’s also very good role modelling for your children.

13. Be Friends as well as a couple
Nurture your relationship as friends go on a coffee date and catch up without the kids.

14. Show the love
Show them that that you love them, unexpected cuddles and kisses them affection is so important it helps keep that spark!

15. Have a *Ahem* DIRTY Weekend away..
Book a night away –cocktails by the pool, dancing at a bar – reconnect as a couple… I will leave the rest up to your imagination… ;)

This was written in conjunction with myself and the beautiful Imperfect Mum's listed below:

Jodie Herbert, Tam McCallum, Bronwyn Davey, Emma Higgins, Debbie Stoppa, Amanda Clark,Shnannon Mcintosh, Annette McCullum, Debbie Korman Zlyden, Jamie Collison, Ashley Quass,Emma Higgins, Kelli Hones, Fiona Fuller,Jac Emery, Jess Jiggles, Clare Johnston, Rochelle Stokes, Fiona Purcell Gina Harrision, Jenny Bailey, Amanda Brownhill, Michelle Sims, Louise Ring, Aimee McCloskey, Clare Catt, Diane Knowles, Cindy  Anne,  Julie Pierce, Angela Davies, Lauren Ducksbury, Princess Abbz Horton, Linda Gibby, Chloe Davis,  Charmaine Kelly,  Kirri White, Linda Gibby, Easy Peasy Kids, Brooke Needham Brabon,  Diane Drysdale, Leigh Dall’Osto, Annalisa Tuoto Siefken Georga Whiting, Miranda Miller, Shelley Williams, Jeshni Chand and Kimberly Brann

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

11 Replies

Easy Peasy Kids

Brilliant tips and after 18 years of marriage I do all of those and especially communicate, no matter how much you think he can tell by your demeanour that you need something, unless you say it they very rarely pick up the hints. I believe my hubby loves me, he is my rock yet sometimes he can get stuff wrong but thats ok, I do too.xx

Steph Hope

I love this. Thank you! It's easy to forget a lot of this with little kids in the house :)

kirri white

First of all - Massive props to you and your hubby - 19 years? Thats a phenomenal effort :) fabulous are all of us imperfect mummies!! This is a simple yet comprehensive list that we can all live by...Happily Ever After.

Muddled Up Mumma

Such great advice Kristy. I try to do all of these, but just need to get a date night in the diary...

Lee Miller

i actually got a little teary as its my 16th anniversary tomorrow and my man is not here to share this with me :( Got me thinking how much better I could make our life reading this post... thanks ! (we too have been together since 15/16)


Fabulous!! Worth me printing this one out to remind myself! Thanks for sharing...very wise, personal and insightful!

Fiona @ My Mummy Daze

I love these tips Kristy. All so logical but easy to forget at times. If I could add one more I'd say to not be ashamed or feel stigmatised to see a counselor to help to nut out an issue. There's no point letting something fester. Seeking professional help to improve your relationship can get you back on track to being the best couple you can be.

Ziva Belle

Number 15 is actually a lot more important than some people think, especially when the kids come along.


Kristy .. I read this post too late *sad LOL*

Amba @ Team Mummy

Thankyou for writing this, I have only been married for (almost) 2 years but have been together for nearly 8 years. We have 2 beautiful kids, a mortgage, a business and we are only 22 and 25! So, I definately agree with all of those tips and try to input them all into my marriage regularly. Especially the date nights (wish we could have more !)


So true Kristy. I've been with my husband since I was 14, that's 17 years together 9 of them married and I am happier now than I have ever been. I think because we've had so many years to practice all of your points. Still not perfect but happy. We're due to have our 2nd baby in 2 months and we have an 18 month old. I'm looking forward to this baby for many reasons but one being that our son and all the struggles and stresses that come with your first baby strengthened our relationship. Marriage is work but worth it! Thanks for celebrating and sharing your experiences with relationship.