Saying Goodbye to Titan

This blog is about motherhood, all the good and the bad, and I am starting with the story of my own motherhood journey. You will see this journey unfold with each new post. Although my motherhood journey starts off sad, it turns into something beautiful. This is the second part of Titan's Story. You can read part one here.

Here I am sitting in these cold chairs in a small room with my Mum and Husband by my side. A kind man was sitting opposite us, explaining what we needed to think about for our son’s funeral.

It was like I wasn’t really there.  My son was gone he was gone for good.  Here I am sitting in a room talking about things like what handles would go on his coffin.  What flowers we would like.  It seemed so clinical and stiff. My eyes were fuzzy and I could barely breathe.

The kind man then took us into a room filled with coffins.  A gasp escaped from my mouth…  That’s when I thought “Oh my God, this is real.”  It was a sight I hope to never see again. What do you say at that moment?  My husband broke the silence with the words, “I will make Titan’s coffin.” And he did. He spent two days making this beautiful coffin.   I think it’s what saved him, it was his craft, he needed to do this for his son.  He needed to be his Dad and make him something strong for him to rest in.

All I did was sit at my parents. It was like I was drifting in and out of a coma.  Thoughts would whirl through my head.  “Is this real?  Am I living a nightmare?”

It was hard for my parents not to only suffer the loss of their grandchild,  but to watch their daughter be in such deep grief.  I remember at one point when I was howling (and I mean howling - it was this deep sound that came from within me - it was like nothing I have ever heard).  I was in my childhood room, curled up on my bed, and my Dad must have heard me. He sat down and said, “Kristy, Titan was strong. He was so big, he had a presence and he was here to teach us something, he had a really strong soul…. He wanted to go Kristy, he was too good to be here, he needed to go… He was needed somewhere else”.   Those words saved me.

Titan’s Grandma - my Mum - decided she would make him a bed, complete with a mattress, sheets and a pillow and a beautiful little beanie for him.  She wanted to do this for her Grandson.  She wanted to make sure he was comfortable and would rest in peace.

Finally the day came that we would lay our son to rest.  It was like no other I have ever experienced.  It was his day.  There would be no 5th birthday, no 18th, no 21st, this was the one and only day he would ever have.  This was it.  It was his.

We went to the funeral place. Titan was there. Laying in his coffin – the coffin his dad had made.  Laying on the mattress and pillow his Grandma made, with a blanket covering his little body.  We kissed his cold skin and said goodbye.

We drove to the cemetery in the back of the funeral directors car, the two men dressed in suits sat in the front while my husband and I sat in the back.  My husband gripped his baby son’s coffin tightly in his hands.  We arrived at his place of rest and there was a sea of people.  All of these people came to say goodbye to Titan. I felt this strange sense of happiness for him. So many cared, this was his day and they were there for him.

My husband and I walked down the path with his coffin in our arms.  The priest (the same man who christened me) was waiting at the end of the path, dressed in a beautiful gown.  He grabbed my hand and led me to my seat.

I sat down staring at this hole. I remember taking my shoes off and burying my feet in the earth, like somehow that would make me closer to him. I needed to be closer.

It was surreal - it was like I was burying him, yet he was standing beside me.  He was the one that gave me the strength that day.  He kept me going.

To this day my body yearns for him.  Some days sounds come deep from within me - sounds of complete despair.   Seven years have gone by and to this day I miss him so much.

I remind myself it was his journey.  It was his choice.  I know I will see him again.  He is my angel in heaven.  He visits me some days the wind blows, or his star twinkles and I know he is saying, “I love you Mum and I’m here”.

“I love you Titan Vallely, you were the one who gave me the best gift anyone ever could give”.

As I said in my first post, there are thousands of families that have gone through the tragic loss of a baby. Finally my son has a voice, finally he can tell HIS story. Thank you for reading…

This is a website I would recommend for anyone suffering from miscarriage, still birth neonatal and infant death:

I would like to aknowledge that Burkins Funeral Directors didn’t charge me for their services.  Aaron Burkin was so kind to my family - he is one of life’s true gentlemen.  It has been seven years Aaron and I have not forgotten your kindness.

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Loss & Grief, Loss of a Child (My Story)

78 Replies

The Imperfect Mum

Yes I was lucky... I did get to hold my beautiful son... the one thing that lives with me is the kiss... it has never left my lips.... Thank you Darlin Thankyou for reading his story... xxxxxx

Krysta Dutton

I had no idea what you'd gone through Kristy, I can't even begin to imagine...I bawled just reading Titan's story, let alone living it! I have so much respect for you and the way you've shared your most painful experience with all of us, I'm sure it has helped so many who have gone through a similar thing...I have absolutely no idea what to say other than you're an amazing woman Kristy, and you have an amazing family! x

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Thank you Krysta.. what a beautiful post..such kind words... Thank YOU XXXXX


A truly courages story, your strength and courage is an insiration to all mothers, our children have an amazing affect on our lives, it is a connection that can never be broken. I have an older sister that was still born at 7 months. My mum is still affected by this even now, but was always very open with us as we grew up and we have always know about our big sister in heaven. We still talk about her as part of the family 33 years on. I used to as a child look at the moon imagin she was sitting up there watching over us. Even now i love looking at the moon and perhaps it is that connection which is the reason for this. A conection that was instilled in us from mum and will be there fotever. I know this will be the same for your two beautiful children also.

The Imperfect Mum

Oh.. What a beautiful story.. your Mum must have experienced such heart break.. back then people didn't talk about the death of a baby... Sometimes Mother's didn't even get to see them... I hope this wasn't the case for your Mum... I hope she had a chance to grieve properly for the loss of your sister.. Your sister has and always will be your guiding light... she is your intuition.. like my son is to me... Thanks so much for sharing Abi xxxxxxxxxxx


These two posts are the most heartbreaking stories I have ever heard. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am so thankful that you had such wonderful support around you and you all pulled through together. Your positivity amazes me. I believe in angels and I know that your beautiful Titan is watching over you and his dad.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Jacs - Thank you for reading this is his time to shine... we are very proud of our Angel... Thanks for reading...

Carolyn Chambers

Kristy, Another beautifully written post. It brought back memories of helping my sister & brother in law choose the clothes, toy and blanket (we bought two of everything) for their Daughter and how I made everything smaller so they would fit my niece in her coffin. I know this helped them both and that my nieces Daddy has only recently been able to really look at the memory box and clothes 5 years on since their second child was born 18 months ago. You have been a support to me over the past couple of weeks thank you for the kind messages and thoughts. Keep writing on your blog and with the wall on facebook. Have a lovely day and thank you for sharing your stories. There are many angels shining up above and your loved ones are near especially when you see that white feather floating by or in your home for no apparent reason it means someone you love is nearby.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohh Carolyn - you are so right... you just brought tears to my eyes... Thank YOU xx I can't wait for the day you msg me and tell me your pregnant!! It will happen I just know it!! Kristyxx


Such a moving story. I have no words. Thank you for sharing this.

The Imperfect Mum

Thank you... xxxx


I understand that feeling of emptiness, that yearning for your baby. I feel it every day. I thought the birth of my healthy son would help me feel less empty but it hasn't, it's made me hurt even more. I hope to find peace one day but I know that I'll never stop missing my baby, just like you'll always miss Titan.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohh Mia - Each days that goes by it does somehow make it easier to cope... We will never stop missing our babies - but we will see them again.. and that's what makes it ok for me... Love to you Mia xxx

Lauren Hook

Thanks Kristy,
Your blogs left me speechless. You are such an inspiration. As a soon to be new Mum you have given me so much courage and strength.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohh Thanks Lauren - xxxx


Another moving, raw post, Kristy.
Thank you for sharing.
Sending you much love xxx

The Imperfect Mum

Thank You for reading Grace xx

Jackie Fairfull

Thanks for sharing Kristy, I have tears streaming down my face right now, but your words have reminded me what to be grateful for everyday of my life. xoxoxo

The Imperfect Mum

Thank YOU Jackie xxxx Thank you for all of your support xxx

Debbie H

Kristy lovely to read your story I still remember the room and the night I sat and talked with you and your family about Titan not being long with you here. Still unfortunately sharing this news with other families. On the plus side it was lovely to help you birth your daughter.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh I am so glad you found this blog.... This is the beautiful Midwife everyone!!!! and she was also the one that helped me give birth to my daughter. You can't tell me that is a coincidence.. THANK YOU Debbie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Danielle 'Purcell' McTaggart

I *howled while reading poor 2 yr old didn't know what was going on. I have had 8 miscarriages, so am familiar with unexpressed grief, thanks so very much for the chance to express it for a change. I am sitting at my computer, happy enough for now, as I cuddle the most beautiful little girl in the world to me. My miracle. I am so so so sorry for your loss...

Rina Aspinall

I don't really know what to write here but I couldn't read about Titan and just close the page without acknowledging him.. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am inspired by the strength you have taken from this horrible point in your life. Peace and Love to you and your family:)

Rina Aspinall

I don't really know what to write here but I couldn't read about Titan and just close the page without acknowledging him.. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am inspired by the strength you have taken from this horrible point in your life. Peace and Love to you and your family:)

Chason G

I've only recently discovered your blog and this is the first time I've been able to sit and look at it properly. I am now sitting here with tears streaming down my face, utterly devastated at your loss and the profound effect it has had. I am blessed to have 3 beautiful children and couldn't fathom losing any of them. Thankyou for being strong enough to share your story, you truly are an inspirational woman xx

Jodie Buckless

I sat here reading your story, with tears streaming. I cant imagine the pain you have gone through and continue to go through. I thank you for sharing your pain, and your life with all of us.

Mrs J

I lost our beautiful boy recently in the 2nd trimester and Burkin's were really wonderful to us also. I wish I could articulate what his loss meant to us but still I can't find anywords I don't know I ever will. Thank you for sharing Titan's story.

Melissa P

I am 35 weeks pregnant right now with my 4th child. Mia is 3 years old and I had 2 miscarriages also.
I really want you to read "Heaven is for Real" if you can get your hands on a copy... It helped me heal....