Same sex marriage- Who cares? I Do!

You know I find it sort of sad that in this day and age we are still going over this subject.  As I write this, same sex marriage is not permitted by Australian law.  To most of us marriage is a demonstration of our love for one another.

A demonstration of our commitment.  But no matter how deep the love and no matter how desperately same sex couples need the privileges and protections associated with marriage, two people that love each other are denied the honour of marriage.

Love, to most of us, is what keeps us going.   It’s what makes us smile even when everything else is falling apart.  I was 16 when I succumbed to it.  I will never forget the moment I realised I was in love, it felt like nothing else.  It was a completion of my heart.  He was/is the other half of me.

Nine years later he asked me to marry him and I couldn’t begin to imagine how I would have felt if someone tried to tell me that I couldn’t marry the man I loved.

I know it may sound cliché but marrying my husband was truly one of the best days of my life.  It was a public declaration of our love for one another.  I loved the moment they introduced us as “Mr and Mrs Vallely”.  Taking Ben’s name, becoming his wife, changed us, it cemented our love.

Some say “Marriage is a religious Institution”, when in fact it is a civil institution.  It is a legal process commonly explained by the phrase “Separation of Church and State”.  Hence the reason why the government is involved and there is a document to sign and witness. If it was a religious institution atheists would not be able to marry.

Another “Anti – argument”: “It will be detrimental to kids to grow up with same-sex parents”

Many kids grow up in many dysfunctional families.  This saddens me deeply. I have seen enough dysfunction in heterosexual marriages that I don’t accept this argument. I am sure there will be many loving, caring, same-sex families, and also many dysfunctional same-sex families.

A couple of facts I found on (fantastic website)

As many as 25% of same-sex couples are raising children.  By allowing parents in these families the right to marry we are providing their children with the same rights, respects as their peers.  

The Australian Psychological Society has found that children raised by same-sex couples are just as well adjusted, psychologically, sexually, intellectually and socially as their peers.

Look, don’t get me wrong I am happy that we are slowly moving towards changes within our laws although it is important to recognise that civil unions and Marriages are in fact different.  Civil unions give the couple access to most relationship entitlements.  Civil unions do not deliver the same social recognition or legal security as marriage.  Yes it is similar, but different. It’s segregation based on your sexual orientation.  What sort of message does that portray?

Are heterosexual couples somehow more important that same sex couples? Denying anyone the right to marriage based on gender or sexuality is immoral and unfair.

Marriage equality is primarily about ending social exclusion and giving all Australians the same basic rights. Lack of equality has strong links to mental health issues among same sex attracted young people.  We want to see an end to the unnecessary stigma and isolation another generation of young Australians could face because of this inequality.” – Headspace, Australia’s Youth mental health foundation.

Social inclusion is critical.  All Australians should have the same basic rights and marriage is one of them. It really saddened me to read the results of the Private Lives Survey. They reported some experience of depression in the past, with 49% of men and 44% having a major depressive episode.

In addition 16% of all respondents indicated suicidal ideation (thoughts) in the two weeks prior to completing the survey. High rates of self-harm and suicidal thoughts have been demonstrated as linked to ongoing harassment and violence in same-sex attracted young people.

Why? Why in this day and age are people experiencing such awful depression and anxiety I believe that social exclusion could be one of the many reasons.  I find it just so sad that people are experiencing this. Shouldn’t falling in love and marriage be a beautiful time?


Please send a letter to your local MP saying you support marriage equality. Include your personal story about why marriage equality is important to you. Make it clear to your local MP that civil unions are not a substitute for marriage equality. Go to Australian Marriage Equality’s webpage to send a letter to your local MP:

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

16 Replies

Carol Ffinch

my niece and her partner recently had a 'civil union' in Scotland, It was a marriage for heavens sake! They have been together for years and love each other deeply.

The Imperfect Mum

That is so fantastic to hear x


I agree 110% with you, It makes me so angry that this is still a problem!! I could go on for ages about it but it's to frustrating!!

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks beautiful! - Yep, I could go on and on to! - Thanks Allana! X

Debbie Burton

My daughter and her partner have been engaged for over 2 yrs and are going to wait until 'same-sex' marriage is legal to get married, they dont want to do the civil union thing because to them it isnt much different from the life they are currently living. They are also getting clucky but want to be married first. :)

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh lovely! - Make sure you keep us in the loop when bubba comes along! X

Mandy B

Your best post EVER!!! :-D
Can't wait for the day I get to see my brother & his partner of 13 yrs finally get married, we just have to keep working toward equality & believe that one day love WILL conquer all <3

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Really? - Awesome! - Thanks darlin xx

Kim Walters

I was raised in the church and as an adult I have moved away from it. I find it saddening that so many people feel the need to oppress the feelings others. Is this any different to back in the day, when black couldn't marry white and vice versa? We all like to think we are not prejudiced in any way, but I think we all need to look long and hard in the mirror and ask ourselves what we accept for others and what we would want accepted for ourselves. We all have demons, most of us get to fight them in privacy, unfortunately for the gay couples of australia, their demons are being handed to them by society. I wish everyone the same rights, equality is necessary, not something that needs to be discussed in my opinion. Kim

The Imperfect Mum

I agree Kim, it's embarrassing that we need to even discuss this subject. x

Nova Hyde

That was so beautifully written, it gave me goosebumps actually!

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Thank YOU! XX


During the last local election I asked this question to a members standing before their billboard handing out pictures of themselves. The one that didn't slutter, looked me in the eye and answered with an excellent rely got my vote.
I no longer donate to charities that think marriage is limited to a man and a woman and I tell them so.

Fi @ My Mummy Daze

Such a great post Kristy. Thanks for linking up. It's absurd to me that we are part of a generation where people in love can't marry. Our children and grandchildren will shake their heads at us.

Jake Salvatore

Wow, just wow =)

I was linked to this website by one of your readers (Ashleigh) and I got shivers when I read this!

As a 23 year old gay man, sometimes we just feel absolutely exhausted having to simply fight just to be treated like everyone else.

Thank you so much for getting on board and helping with the fight for equality, the world is truly blessed to have people like you in it.


One day we will look back in disgust on the fact we denied people their rights because they were 'different'. This the modern day stolen generation, black slaves and womens rights.