Do you think you’re ok? - I’m not ,and I’m sharing that with you.. SHIT!

What does ok mean? does it mean that you are happy? Does it mean that you feel good about yourself?

Do you  look in the mirror and say, you know what I’m ok?

When you are walking along and happen to see yourself in a reflection.. What do you see? Do you see a beautiful smile looking back at you? or do you see everything you need to change?

I  recently  looked in the mirror  seen  all sorts of horrible things about me.  And this voice in my head LOUDLY said.

“You’re  a pretty shit mum”

“You’re pretty shit at your job”

“What are you actually achieving with your life”

“You’re actually not good at much”

Tears  streaming down my face.  I had completely crucified myself.  I didn’t need anyone else to I had done it to myself.

That then lead to the belief that it’s all true and everyone else must think the same.  Even to the point that if someone gave me  a compliment I would think they were lying or just “pissing in my pocket”

It  also lead to paranoia  where  I would be doing the groceries and I would feel someone watching me trying to control my kids and I would hear that voice. “See they think you’re a shit mum too”

I knew I was heading down a slippery path.  I knew that belief could completely  take over my life .. It could consume me it could  become a part of me.  And that could lead to all sorts of problems.

It could kill any sort of dream I had/have.

So I decided to take myself off to the doc’s.  I know I needed help. I knew that I just needed up bit of help to climb back up, before it over took me.

Stress and anxiety are my main problems.  Anyone from the outside looking in would think everything was fine.. But it isn’t /wasn’t – When I spoke to the doc he said ” do you think you’re depressed”

“No of course not, I’m not a negative person”  ’I'm an upbeat person”. “I’m not depressed” But depression does not always mean you are down as such it effects all people very differently.

So I came to the realisation that I was possibly depressed. - SHIT!

So here starts my journey of trying to climb out of the hole I’m currently in.. My friends may get a bit of a shock reading this… But for some reason I find it easier to tell the internet rather than telling them.. Insane right…  Possibly!

The reason I find it so important to share this journey is because I know/feel there are many people that feel the same..

We close the door slide down the back of it and cry..

Crying is good yes? But crying alone is not!

As I said I will be sharing my journey.   And please share yours.  But please remember to contact a professional (like I did)

Just want to finish with, I will be ok, no need to worry, I will get there, I am a very strong person.  I just need a little help. XXX

Here are some details.

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Mental Health

73 Replies


Kristy I think...(and I know I am not alone here!!!) That you are an amazing strong woman, and you are NOT I repeat NOT a "Shit mum!" I dont "know" you but you write "I love my children with all my heart....." a Shit Mum..couldnt care less about them and wouldnt even question herself as to if she could poss be one!!.....So therefore you can rest assured you are the best are checking in with your self all the time to question this.....You care.....I am on round 2 of PND......Its crap...sought help first time and was put on drugs that were awful....stopped and took matters into my own hands and went back to work just 2 nights a weeks bar work (never done it before!! was a Pre-school teacher for 13 yrs) but really helped...i got out of the house got to chat with regulars (ADULTS....well kinda!) who were friends of ours and felt like an I have 2 its still an escape but getting ready and kids sorted etc bottles made before I go feels like i am busting my ass!! Combined with teething, no sleep, clingy baby bad tempered 3 and a half yr old with probs at pre-school I feel crap again....not sure what will work for me this time.... Still wracking my brains!!!! Well done you for seeking help and writing this!! Its a long journey and sometimes the only person that can help you is you! Lots of love and Good luck xxxxx

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks so much Linda, Very beautiful words. We will tackle this together.. I have started to make some changes. I know I will get through. And you will too! X

Katie Connolly

I have been there and am so proud and happy to say that I have come out the other end.
It was not easy but I tell you, the absolute first and most important step is admitting that something isn't right and wanting to do something about it so good on you!
I combined counselling and medication for 3 years and I am now a big fan of cognitive behaviour therapy. Look it up and give it a go.
Also, there is a fantastic book called black dog and my husband really enjoyed the other one called living with a black dog.
So proud of you for taking the big honest leap.
You have an army of support and I wish you the very best.
You are a fantastic person and I have received so much joy from your work!
Best wishes.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Thank You Katie.. I will look those books up! Your last sentence made me smile! X


I wish they could come up with another word for this illness. When you say depression, most people think of it as if you're having a bad hair day and not feeling too positive for a bit. Many don't - and cannot relate the word to the black pit of despair that you can feel. It was only when I showed people my arms from cutting myself that they realised how serious my depression was - more than just a bad hair day. After a year or so of therapy, a couple of years on medication and amazing support from my husband who struggled with how he wanted "fix it" but couldn't - and truly amazing friends, I am proud to say I am a healthier person. Good luck with your journey TIM and to every other person out there struggling. xxx

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Cynthia I would have to agree, I don't particularly like that word either..

I am so happy that your life is now on track! X

Simone Power

I have been fighting depression for about 13 years now or possibly more, I was 'officially' diagnosed at 16. I think it is a very misunderstood disease, one that can swallow you up in a big black cloud of smoke and suffocate you until you feel you can barely breathe. For me in the past it has felt like I'm drowning, like I've got a massive boulder tied to my ankle and it's dragging me to the bottom of the ocean, getting darker and darker until I can no longer see any light. The self hatred that goes along with it is something I can completely empathise with, when I'm going through my dark moments a 'failure' is all I see. The silver lining (if there is one) of battling for so long is I can now recognise when I falling into that pit again and have worked out a few strategies that help. I take St John's Wart (not a fan of anti D's), I type up affirmations (I am good enough, I am not a failure, I am Strong etc..) and stick them in various places like on the bathroom mirror/kettle/fridge & when I see them I repeat them out loud with conviction - the power of the mind is an amazing thing, I meditate, when I start feeling anxious and my chest feels tight I stop & breathe - 5 deep breaths in and out with my eyes closed, I dance with my kids and try shake it all out but most of all I remind myself that there is an impermanence to everything, whatever the thought/feeling/situation it will pass & if I'm strong enough to make it through each one I come out a better/stronger person each time & eventually I am ok again :)

So wonderful and brave for you to share you story, you have so much love and support behind you and YES you WILL be ok


The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Simone, I love all of the things you do! - Awesome. Thanks I will use some of those techniques too! X


Well done you for sharing! You've done the best thing you could ever do for yourself :) this will help so many others too!

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Jodi, Yes I'm hoping it will!


Thank you so much for having the courage to share this and good on you for asking for help. I was in the exact same place last year and suffered in silence for a long time until someone recognised I had a problem and helped me to talk about it. Not everyone is as fortunate as I was and so many people continue to suffer through depression by themselves all the while convincing themselves that they are ugly, no good, shit at everything and that nobody likes them. If anyone ever feels like this I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk about it and ask for help. I also want to say if anyone ever has someone come to them for help about this stuff please be supportive and not judgmental. This person is not weak or crazy or a whinger, they just need help to pull themselves out of this hole. Don't be scared or put off or ignore them because this will probably do more damage than you realise, just give them a hug, tell them it's going to be ok and encourage them to seek professional help if you can't handle it on your own. Sometimes all you need is to say these things out loud to someone else and it loses it's hold over you. Sharing the burden will lighten your load so much and you might just find someone else has had that same experience. It's amazing the amount of people that could relate to me once I started talking about how I felt. We're all in this together and it's time we started supporting each other instead of pretending we've got it all under control, because I'll tell you a secret...nobody has it all worked out we're all learning as we go and we can all learn from each other. Thank for sharing Kristy, you will be in my prayers xo

The Imperfect Mum

Yep, we are all in this together.. No more pretending YEP! i'm all for that! X


Thanks for being so brave and sharing from the heart. I haven't actually experienced this myself but my daughter has just been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The journey of dealing with these issues is often a rocky one but I applaud your positive attitude and determination to climb the mountain!

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks love. Sending love to your little one! X


You story was like your where writing my thoughts in head. I too have been suffering from anxiety and stress for many years now. This is a little bit of my story... I had things under control however recently I was on my own with my kids for 7 months and it went down hill again. My partner is home now and things are good. But I fear when he goes back to work it will all come back. I always ask myself why can't you just be happy??? I have 2 children to a separate relationship and with this comes a lot of worry and fears. I also have a youngest to my new partner. I want you to know you are not alone. Thinking of you always and sending lots of love. I know you have so many amazing friends and family. However if you need anything I am here. A friend from school Danielle Mwah

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Danielle. That is such a lovely message! - I really appreciate you reaching out. I will certainly contact you if i need too. Thanks and sending you love too! X

Jamey Boyle

I remember a time when I felt like shit about everything also.
But of course I wasn't really trying to make myself better either.
I hated looking in the mirror, and I felt like my face was melting every time I did. Sometimes it was hard to just take showers. And my house was becoming like a hoarders house...piles of shit stacked up everywhere. I sat down one day and wrote everything out that I wanted to accomplish. Even down to planting a garden, some volunteer work...etc. I wrote out a schedule of how I would lead my day...(eat, shower, clean, read) --- And eventually after doing this over and adding things, and taking that away which I had made a habit of things really started looking up. I stopped analyzing myself about everything, and instead DID things. I started becoming more selfless...
Selfless in the relationship, with my kids, with friends/family...and even with strangers. By focusing on others, I dealt with my own...because I felt good about what I did. I felt happy and fulfilled. I actually REALLY enjoy doing things for other people. But of course we have to know our limits. If our help becomes expected rather than appreciated stand up, and say no. Tough love is love.
I based my life around TRUTH/LOVE. I focused on God, and purpose. And eventually my whole perspective on EVERYTHING changed. Everything fixed itself. I got more motivated, more energy grew (because before I had NO ENERGY) Today I stand where I stand and I am happy. I feel good, about everything. I am content with what I love life/family life/social life is perfect. --- I rejoice everyday. I am thankful for everything. And I am so gosh darn happy. Its hard to explain the past. There was a lot of disappointment. Mostly I was disappointed in myself for letting so many people down and I walked around with that guilt. I realize today...That was yesterday, everyday is a new day. To leave the past in the past, and only return to analyze, learn, grow...and remember the great memories we have had. --- We can turn our lives around at ANY moment. But we just have to do it. And we have to love ourselves, because we are we...and this is who we are. This is our life, and its all we got...Take care of ourselves. Love is number 1. Health is number 2. Purpose is number 3. and 4...repeat. I remember the endless repeating in my head...and the reminders of all the shit laying around everywhere. Its like the external reflected the internal, and IT DOES. That is very true. Clean up the mind, and everything outside of yourself will clean itself up also. (Or visa versa) clutter, clutters the mind. Meditate on what you need to do. MAKE yourself do what you know you need to do. And take pleasure in it. Take pleasure in everything. Do right, treat yourself with the love and respect you treat others also. I WAS a shit mom. I thought real shitty about everyone and myself. I treated people like shit. My house was shit. My life was shit. --- I admit that. But the day I said...enough is enough. And took intentional action, it was no longer an uphill fact it was downhill, and EVERYTHING got better...easier, and done faster. Now I am thankful. And I love myself. I feel good when I look in the mirror, and satisfied at the end of my day. I pray everyone could feel this way. Complete. Best of luck to ya. To everyone. We all deserve to be loved, to be happy, and satisfied. Especially when it is all RIGHT THERE. WE just need to see it.

The Imperfect Mum

WOW Jamey, love, love, love what you wrote! - Thank you sooooo much I will certainly put some of those points into action.

Thank you again beautiful! X

Jamey Boyle

Very Welcome!


Oh SWEETHEART. I so so relate to this .. and bloody hell, I suspect a lot of other people do too. Why? Why are we all so very hard on ourselves? It bloody sucks. It's like, I don't just think I'm a shit person, I KNOW I am. Which of course the sane part of my brain refutes, yet still.

I'm so glad you went and saw your doc. Admitting something is wrong .. is honestly half the battle. Swear to god. Love love love to you. HEAPS.

eden xxxxxxxx

Maryanne Davies

Good for you....Sometime i think we all need a little help.....but also stay possitive you a a good mum and are doing the best with what you know now!


Kristy, well done for admitting to yourself, seeking help (from your GP), and 'talking'. You have made the most important steps. I also suffer, as it seems so many do. Whilst I am on anti D's, I have found that talking to those who are prepared to listen, understand, and possibly feel the same seems to help the most. Unfortunately I don't help myself easy to get into ruts and rely on drugs. I'd be keen to hear about the Vitamin C, Zinc, St John's Wart options if anybody wants to elaborate... In the meantime, look after yourself and remember, you aren't the only one suffering. This is an insidious and far reaching disease that can strike anybody...especially the gorgeous and wonderful mums!!! Take care and keep reaching out.

Samantha Daniels

This is exactly how I have felt for a long time now my gorgeous girl x