Hello I would like advice please keep anonymous
Paternal postnatal depression?
My husband of 5 years has two daughters- all of which he has left when they've been 4 months and usually blames their mums.
We have now got our own little daughter (5 months) since being pregnant he seemed very distance- then when our bub was 4 months old he said he needed a few weeks to think if this is what he wanted so I flew back to the Scotland thinking it was just for a holiday- he then told me he wouldn't come and see us for 5 months- I thought this was far too long to to go without seeing my husband and daughter to go without seeing her dad- he has now ended things and instead just wants to pay maintaince- I've explained I'd rather have him actively being apart of her life and I've also said we would return but he just seems to be pushing us away?
3 Replies
Nothing is a better indicator of future behaviour like old behaviours. I have no idea if your husband has some sort of depression but I do know from what your saying he is doing the same thing over again. I would almost lay money on he did the same thing to his previous children/partners.
Personally I would let him go. A man who cant stand up and take responsibility is a pointless fight.
I think you are best to let him go and walk away. Say you know what I get parenting a child is hard work but its a job I take seriously and if you cant do the same have a nice life.
Post natal depression is absolutely no excuse for that behaviour.
JMO though.
Hugs!
Big, big hugs to you. I'm so sorry you are in this position. Firstly only he can fix this. You can't make a father be involved in your child's life (I tried). He clearly can't cope with the responsibility and until he is prepared to get some help (he has to do this, you can't do it for him) your child is better off without him. It's better that he gets out now than continuously let's the child down (not showing up for visitation, it does more damage in the long run IMO). It's rarely a case of one parent stopping another parent seeing their child and a good parent would move heaven and earth to be involved (which he clearly isn't interested in doing). Whatever the cause of his issue only he can fix it. I would listen to him in this one, if he pops back into your lives he needs to prove he has done a lot of work and re established contact with his other kids!
Google "madonna whore complex" i think it may hold answers for you.
Big hug