Trigger warning. Child sex abuse.


Trigger warning. Child sex abuse.

Hello my beautiful mums.
I wrote in a year ago desperately seeking support...

My daughter who was 9 years old at the time has disclosed sexual abuse. It's now been 14 months since disclosure.

This isn't a question but a post to share some of my story. To warn other mothers and hopefully get some ideas.

We have been on an extreme journey since disclosure in 2022. I can't explain the heartbreak, fear and anger of discovering that someone who I deeply loved was harming my baby. He was my best friend who I thought was a wonderful man. For two years he was harming my child at minimum weekly from ages 7-9. All of the signs were there. I just didn't see them. I didn't see them because I believed he Ioved us.

My daughter did three interviews with police. I was not allowed to be in the room with her or know anything about the disclosure. It was determined with a detective that she has been sexually assaulted many times over a long period of time. But I couldn't know any details.

This man who didn't have children of his own was a scout leader, a bunnings worker, a council worker in the local town. He volunteered in the local library and for the suicide hotline. - from the outside he looked like an outstanding man. He loved children and dogs and dressed well..

I wanted to share about our lack of support. Getting mental health support for a child who has experienced this level of abuse is insanely difficult. I have been referred to over 10 places that could not help us. I have been told by a doctor that he didn't have time to do a mental health plan. Another doctor said "I don't do those" after explaining our entire story. He refused to do anything to help.

Another doctor who was wonderful wouldn't refer us to the counsellor we were already seeing because she needed to see a psychologist. - When we received a phone call it was determined that they wouldn't help us because they didn't want it to affect our court case. They were worried it would be used against her if she didn't disclose anything....

We waited over 12 months to speak to a laywer from ddp. We had one meeting and were told that the videos my daughter did could not be used in court because they weren't done correctly. Meaning my 10 year old daughter would have to testify against a grown man calling her a liar. She was forced to go and watch her interview videos that couldn't be used so she remembered everything she said...

We were meant to have a meeting months ago to discuss all the details again etc but instead had a meeting 3 business days before court where it was determined that my daughter was to traumatised to speak and wouldn't be able to testify......... After 14 months of our life being a utter trauma filled nightmare.

This means that despite her disclosing everything to police and to her lawyer the detective knowing the truth... Everyone knowing she's not lying... The charges are dropped. We have no protection.

This man's family believes and protects him. He has a young niece that is just about to turn 7.

This pedophile is getting away with sexually abusing my kid because she's to traumatised by what he did. There's no justice, no safety and he's no doubt going to do it again.

Some signs that your child may being sexually abused are

- personality changes
- sleep issues
- seperation anxiety
- wetting their pants - when toilet trained
- constant head aches or stomach aches.
- anger, depression, sadness
- dissociating
- low self worth or suicidal ideation

Reasons I gave for my daughters changes were possible ADHD, depression, abandonment issues from her dad or early hormone issues. My advice is read between the lines. If they suddenly start to hate someone they used to love or care for then ask questions.

If you have advice, helpful services or personal experiences please feel to comment on my post kindly.

I will ask though please don't write what "you would do" if it was your kid because it's not helpful and no... You wouldn't. We all think we're tougher than we are until we're faced with the situation.

The law isn't set up to help child victims and as a society and community we need to make fkin changes. Why are we not protecting our kids????

Thankyou for reading.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Men's Business, Relationships, Loss & Grief, Helping others through Grief, Sisterhood Stories, Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing, Education, Behaviour, Kids, Teenagers

4 Replies


Whenever I hear of a single adult man with no kids being a scout leader, I immediately think the worse. Add the volunteering at the library and my alarm bells would be set off. I never let my kids do scouts, those camps away, it attracts the pedos. In my town there's this guy who is a living legend for all he's done for troubled youth, many, many years, and I always got a weird vibe when I looked at his pic in the paper. I thought the worst and the horrific stories are coming out.


I 100% agree with you. Scouts is an absolutely fantastic program. I was also training to be a leader. The other parent helpers or leaders were incredible. He used to say all the time "it's the pedos who ruin it for good guys like me"
Yeah it really is the pedos who ruin it.


There were also so many red flags in the daughters behaviour, I hope anyone who has a child behaving like this gets them to a psychologist asap, could be a million things. My child is a happy kid with none of these behaviours but he also has physical disabilities, so I made him see a psychologist when he was getting older, just to have a mental health check in, as he has struggles others kids dont. Psychologist said I don't think it is required at this point, my son said he didn't feel he needed it also, but I told him, if he ever feels he needs to talk to someone and that person isn't me or anyone he knows, we can revisit the idea. I also told him you can vent to the psychologist about absolutely anything, me, dad etc it is a free reign, don't protect our feelings, we want to know if we're doing anything wrong. Psychologist will only tell us what you want them to etc. I think the greatest defence with thrse pedos is to be really emotionally tuned into your kids, I hate it when parents say their kid is moody or hormonal and that is that. You need to investigate, be close, communicate from a compassionate view point.


Unfortunately if you ever bring a man to live with you and your kids, you have to be hypervigilant and check in with your kids frequently (not just because of sexual abuse, there can be lots of issues). I've never had a live in partner whilst kids small for this exact reason, so much more common than you think.