Advice needed
Partners ex had started stalking us. To me it was messages and a visit to my work. To my partner it was messages of a sexual nature and leaving earrings at his house after going there when he wasn’t there. Now we don’t know for sure that it was her but this all started after he told her he is in a serious relationship and he couldn't see her. She then told him his gf was controlling.
He wanted to solve the problem himself but as we live in different houses and I have my two young kids to a different relationship week on week off I didn’t feel comfortable doing that so went to the police.
They have called and told her not to contact either of us or it will go further.
My partner said he now has terrible anxiety over it all and can’t believe I made a decision like that on my own and now won’t talk to me.
I’m a mess. I cant deal with him ignoring me when I feel I did nothing wrong. I don’t know what to say to him or how to get through this.
Advice needed
Advice needed
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
17 Replies
You don't say how long you've been seeing him for, but id be getting myself out of this relationship.
You need to protect your kids and going to the police for yourself was very reasonable. However I would have just reported her behaviour towards you, not your boyfriend. That was up to him, if he reported it or not.
If you don't think he is taking your safety seriously, that's deal breaker, line in the sand stuff.
I hope you are 100% sure she sent the messages to you and deliberately went to your workplace.
Where do you work? Is it a shop?
Leave him to deal with his side of things, not your business, you don't know their history.
If she is harassing you, hope this stops it.
Just an FYI, my cousin's exes new partner worked in a particular shop, so she went in out of curiosity to check her out and that was the end of it.
Also, sounds like he was "seeing' his ex when you got together, I would run. If he did it with you, he'll do it to you. Sounds like there's a lot more to the story than she is just a psycho.....
Is it really worth the drama?
Send him on his way.
Yes, Im sure she broke into his house and left earrings behind 🙃
Look, I'm just gonna say it...
This whole situation screams that he's been sleeping with his ex during the course of your relationship and now he's pissed with you because you actually bought his story, which massively backfired when you went to the police.
Take the high road and opt out of this drama! When you date as a single mum/parent you just can't afford to bring this kind of negativity into your life!
Yep, banging both and been caught out. Ex is pissed, he wants to pacify her, not enrage her with a call from the police. Runnnnnn, they're still entangled, you will get hurt.
I totally came here to say exactly this!!!!
OP, he's playing you - and I think you may actually be the side chick. Sorry.
He was sleeping with her and she didn't like it when he would not call it off with you. He's made her look like the 'crazy' one in case she tries to out him to you.
He has been playing you both and you have just told the police who will likely find out he's just a manipulative sleazebag. I've seen this play out time and time again.. he's a pig.
Ask yourself why would he get upset about you going to the police unless he's got something to hide!
Run and fast
If he isn't talking to you over you tying to keep yourself and kids safe, then something else is up with him. I would keep communication cut. Delete and block his number and then block him on everything else. Don't look back.
You and your children deserve someone who is going to be fully committed.
First of all, your a Mum. So your kids come first no matter what. Secondly, is this relationship really one you want to be involved in, especially with your kids? I get being a single Mum and dating is hard, believe me, but I wouldn't want that kind of behaviour around my kids, or that extra stress on myself. And honestly, his reaction to you protecting yourself and your children is a major red flag, my partner has sat with me in the police station while I reported my ex for harassment because the safety of myself and my children comes first, he didn't have to come up, but as soon as I told him where I was he dropped everything to come support me. I'd honestly just walk away now if I was you, don't waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't care about yours and you kids safety. Good luck Mumma x
but your partner doesn't know your ex.
this is this guy's ex, he wanted to shut it down himself, he obviously knows her well and what kind of threat she poses.
this guy saw it as "his" problem and was going to handle it, at least in the first instance.
completely different situation.
the op doesn't actually even know it's the ex and she hasn't disclosed where she works, could be a shopping mall for all we know.
I also dont see sending sexual messages to an ex as stalking.
I see it as wrong if he's in a relationship, maybe inappropriate but not stalking.
Strangers send sexual photos on dating websites all the time, like wth?
"Stop sending me those messages or I'll block you"....like who hasn't had to say that a few times?
I also bet what you term harassment isn't what this OP does.
If she was trying to threaten her, why would the messages be anon?
What did they even say?
did you tell him that you were going to the police when he said he would handle it himself?
did you not trust him when he said he would fix the problem?
i mean he knows her best, it would make sense that he sorts it out with her, initially.
if you have no faith in him, his judgement and ability to protect you, why be with him anyway?
you went over his head, completely disregarded what he said and showed him you didn't think he would keep his word.
i agree he was probably with her as well and he's made his choice, he cares more about her feelings than yours but
i wouldn't want him anyway.
in the future, if you don't trust someone, don't go behind their back, be upfront about it.
i also don't think this was about your children's safety, more about getting her and her earrings out the way.
you want her gone because you probably suspect he still has feelings.
walk away, they have issues to deal with.
you also acted on his behalf with the police, you had absolutely no right.
maybe he doesn't wish to sever all contact with her, but you made sure of that.
what does what happens between them have to do with your children's safety?
you really crossed a line there.
how can he ever trust you again?
I think she acted on her own behalf. According to her story, the woman is stalking her too. In that case, she has every right to protect herself and her children by reporting it to the police. She has no obligation to wait for him to do it for her or for him to report that he’s being stalked.
I think she acted on her own behalf. According to her story, the woman is stalking her too. In that case, she has every right to protect herself and her children by reporting it to the police. She has no obligation to wait for him to do it for her or for him to report that he’s being stalked.
Sounds likes he’s sleeping with his ex still. He’s upset that you went to the cops because he doesn’t want to get caught out in his lies and/or get on her bad side.