My husband & I have been on a very rocky area the last 6 months. I ended our marriage, he insists we’re worth fighting for, I beg to differ & here is why.
Things haven’t been the greatest with my health & he seems to be not handling it very well. He’s trying to be supportive but there is little things he does that has really made me question everything..
I struggle to shower due to illness so I have shower aids to help. As soon as I’m in the shower he HAS to join me & expects or*l every single time. If I don’t he will absolutely throw a fit & be super spiteful the rest of the night then make everything about him.
Im not interested in any form of intimacy, I struggle. I’ve told him millions of times I’m not interested, I do NOT want him to ‘try’ or even touch me for that matter. But he keeps pushing it to the point I’m screaming at him ‘NO!!’
He then calls me a selfish C U next Tuesday and accuses me of cheating.
Throughout my treatment of my illness I am still working so by the end of the day I am absolutely exhausted I just want to sleep or have a relaxing shower for that matter.
Last night I woke a few different times to his hands on me ‘trying’ I was like ‘I told you no now stop’ he’d stop, then 20 minutes later he’d be doing it again. I kept telling him to leave me alone. Even threatened to sleep on the couch if he doesn’t quit it. So naturally he gets in a mood & tries to fully wake me up for an argument. I ignored him & went back to sleep.
I’m in therapy for s*ic*de attempts recently & our marital issues but he still doesn’t care.
He went a month with helping around the house, washing, dishes, general cleaning, helping with the kids, getting tea ready because as I said treatment & work hasn’t been the greatest for my body. He’s back to his normal bulls*it now of demanding me to get tea ready, piles of washing everywhere etc.
Last week I was having a really bad dark patch in my mind & I just needed to go out & do something to get my mind off it. He screamed at me that I wasn’t leaving the house & why do I always have to turn everything to sh*t and why can’t I try relaxing by being intimate. I told him to stop yelling at me because our oldest child is super anxious about us fighting and oldest doesn’t handle it very well but he kept going then told me I was the one who was yelling (yes he woke oldest with yelling which ended in more yelling & oldest in tears telling him that he is scaring oldest)
He told me that I was a bad mum because I’d prefer to be at work then spending time with our kids. I told him no I prefer to be at work than be at home with you. But as soon as my pay cheque came through he was all of a sudden proud of me.
I already have so much mum guilt about working as much as I am, but knowing that extra money has been so helpful.
He tells me we don’t have money for the things I want but goes and spends hundreds of dollars on stuff for himself.
I’m at my wits end. I’m physically & mentally exhausted in general without the added stress of his cr*p too.
6 Replies
You know the answer. This man is sexually assaulting you! He's an entitled prxxx and only wants you around to make his life easier. Domestic maid and sexual slave. If he won't go, you go. Oh, the peace you will know when he is not in your life. I wouldn't be surprised if your medical symptoms settle once the mental anguish reduces. Please stop putting up with his shxx. You've got this.
At first, I thought 'sex pest', but by a few lines in I realised he's abusive on many levels. All the signs are there. Running you down so you feel you're not good enough to cope on your own, controlling you financially and trying to tell you working is bad. The sexual touching & attempted coercion are actually sexual assault.
You are right to get out. Get some support from DV helplines, counselling, and anyone who can help & be free! I suspect your mental health will improve dramatically.
You don't have to justify to anyone why you ended your marriage. Especially him.
Oh my lovely 😢 I just want to go and pull you out of that incredibly abusive environment right now!
This is domestic violence, you have just described every possible scenario e.g. financial, emotional, psychological and physical. It's no suprise your mental health is suffering.
I think you really need to speak to a domestic violence counsellor and possibly a social worker at centrelink. You can also call 1800RESPECT. Do not let him know just yet as the abuse can escalate. But please, please reach out and speak to someone 🙏
He's not a pushy husband mate, he's fucking pond scum. Call DV connect and start extracting yourself and your kids out of this situation.
I could have written this myself, I'm sorry you are going through this.
Please call 1800 resepct and follow the steps to do what's right for you!
I'm in the process of leaving with my children and I'm at the point where I'm just trusting the process.
I wish I had more advice for you but if anything, just make the first step to speak to someone and go from there.
You are stronger then you think and you are not alone xx
You have done the right thing. Do NOT go back. Do not make decisions based on guilt. Stay strong and keep going one day at a time. You deserve so much better and so do your kids. Don’t let him role model this behaviour to them anymore. If you accept it you’re complicit. You can do this!