I'm at a loss
My 20 year old daughter was seeing a fellow for a couple of months and was inundating him with messages etc and he just needed a break from it all. She is trying so hard to not contact him but it is near killing her. She won't take no for an answer and it is ruining her life, she has anxiety/depression and is an overthinker and i have tried and tried to tell her to let him be and learn to love herself but she is not having anything of it. I don't really know what I am asking but i don't want to push her too hard in case of something happening. This probably doesn't make a lot of sense and there is more to it
I'm at a loss how to help
I'm at a loss how to help
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
5 Replies
Is she being medicated? I wouldn't be so quick to say its just her either, some people are good at giving someone just enough to think there's something still there. If he was really annoyed he would have blocked her by now. Help her to get over him. This is how I get over someone -
1. Allow to grieve, listen to sad songs, look at old photos, have a massive cry.
2. Write down all the negatives to why it wouldn't have worked out long term. Think career choices, annoying habits, different beliefs, weird family, anything.
3. Get angry about the rejection and hand write an angry letter to him. This is not to actually give to him so be as brutal as you like. Throw it out, burn it.
4. Get physical, something full on cardiac like running, put all the energy you have into it and keep going until its gone.
5. Have a bath or whatever you do to relax, meditate.
6. Find something to give a good belly laugh, funny YouTube compilations are great for this.
7. Go out with a friend or by yourself, dress up, get your hair done, make up, watch a movie, have dinner.
Yes she is on medication but i really don't think it is helping because she is not helping herself. We all love her dearly and she has so many people on her side trying to help her but it just seems to be going in one ear and out the other.
My first thought was how do you know this. I hope he blocks her. I would get really serious about this. Draw a hard line, she can’t coerce love. It’s become one sided, obsessive/ a fixation.
I would explain all of this to her; and when she feels like messaging him, she needs to google these things instead. Watch TED talks to understand herself , why does she have these feelings, what does she need to do.
I would also discuss two way relationships: maybe create a wishboard, what does a good relationship look like to her? Do your own alongside her. Because this is not it.
You’re on the money with self esteem work as well. she needs to have higher standards for herself. That only comes with believing you’ll find it.
Is she in counseling? She needs to learn how to have healthy relationships, and someone outside the current situation would probably help her see things more clearly. Also, if her medication isn’t working, she needs a review with her GP to find a different medication that does work.
You need to stand back and let her succeed and let her fail. You cannot continue to save her. She's 20 now. She makes her own choices. Offering too much advice might push her away too. Let her come to you first by saying 'I'm here if you need to talk or want any advice' . It's all you need to do.