I am a single mum and work full time. I am struggling big time.
I have pushed myself for such a long time and I feel myself coming to the edge. I am tired.
I am over my “poor me” attitude, I am sick of getting angry over nothing and completely isolating myself.
At work I am smiling and have so much energy. when I come home I am completely opposite. I don’t like talking to people anymore and would much rather hide away in a dark room and not talk to a single soul. I HATE that this is what I have become.
How do I get out of this?? How do I love myself again and how do I pull myself out of this hole? I want so much better for my children but I am my own worst enemy.
I compare myself to everyone else - I don’t even own a home and can’t see myself ever being in a position to be able to buy anything. I see everyone else around me buying, building and renovating. Why have I put myself in this position?
I exercise, eat healthy, don’t drink.
Any advice or constructive criticism is more than welcome 🙏
5 Replies
I feel exactly the same. When im on thr clock Im a ray of sunshine, but my kids dont get that. I think its anxiety or depression honestly. I often realise I need to sort it out, but then get busy in work and the days pass again. But just passing the days isnt the marker. I also put it down a lot to it just being circumstantial. How happy and energised can you be as a single sole parent. Comparing is the worst thing to do. Just set your goals and keep taking steps to get there.
The things that help me are:
Self care. This looks different for everyone. For me it varies. Sometimes it's a clay face mask, a hot foot soak, a nice hair mask, a bath with homemade bath salts - a little 5-10 minute pamper here or there. Other times it's tending my favourite plants. Or owning a bottle of perfume that isn't a $20 fragrance from the chemist, just that one for the days it's harder to get motivated.
Don't compare. It's human nature, the more you have the more you want. Develop ways to appreciate what you have. Don't give up goals for what you want to do, or achieve, but definitely put it back into perspective. You can not define yourself or your success on owning a home. Especially not over the last decade!! It sounds so cliche but, do the whole being mindful thing. Make it a thing every week with the kids that everyone has to write 3 things they're grateful for and at the end of the week read them out. Save inspirational quotes on your phone to read when you're struggling.
See your GP. Life doesn't come with a handbook. See what they think about a mental health plan. It sounds all wanky and shit but there's real benefit sometimes to just be able to talk it out. The closest thing we get a handbook is those people trained to help us with our behaviours and thoughts when they go off the rails.
These might not work for you, but they do open you back up to the possibility of exploring things to refill your cup. From the moment we open our eyes we are being drained. It's up to us to find what re-energises us to keep calm and carry on.
You are enough. Take the time you need to realise that is the hard truth.
Instead of comparing yourself to people that have two incomes into the household, compare yourself to other single mums. Youre working, making money, not broke, probably eating well, modeling a good life for your kids, youre nailing it.
There are plenty doing not as well. There is also plenty of time (and probably extra money) for buying and fixing up houses after the kids are grown.
There are also plenty of people miserable in their relationships, so what if they have a mortgage or a remodeled bathroom.
Its really not a source of happiness. Recognise it as a want and put it into your 10 year plan. I think your short term plan would be more about your internal happiness when youre alone. Small changes to change the bad habits and make it the life you want.
First of all don’t worry about buying a house. I had 2 houses ended up renting both out. Did it make me happier having a house or 2.? Nope. Does anything materialistic make me happier. Nope! What makes me happy is doing things and making memories with my kids. I just sold one rental and was glad to see the end of it: I still have one house and I never even think of it as making me better or even having a house. I don’t actually care about it at all. Because it doesn’t bring me happiness. It doesn’t make me better or less than anyone else.
Wnat you are missing, while judging yourself if that material things don’t matter and your priority should be cutting back on work, or finding a job less demanding and will make you happier. If you had a house, you’d still feel the same, if not worse. There would be more pressure on you with a Mortgage and extra bills.
Focus on finding some fun affordable things to do with your kids. Take them camping and get away from it all. Get outdoors with them and enjoy the simple things.
Exercise take lots of walks even just around the block. It helps with your mind. Stop putting pressure on yourself to be something else. You are you, so embrace it and make the most of what you have.
You have the one thing that many people around the world would beg for right now & that is health. When you realise this, then nothing else matters.
Change your mindset. You see everyone around digging themselves into deeper and deeper debt. Don’t compare yourself. be happy you don’t have huge debt over your head like them.