I'm not even sure where to begin there is so much to unpack. There is a family in my circle I have grave concerns about. I have raised the issue with CPS several times over the years and multiple times in recent months due to the decline in the wellbeing of the children. Each time I felt like I was betraying the parents who are long time friends, however myself and others have offered endless support and understanding over the years and have gotten no where. I am a firm believer in being the champion children need and couldn't stand by and watch things continue to deteriorate without at least trying to get them the help they desperately need. The family have come to me multiple times for help or advice, which I given in clear terms with steps and contact for support agencies, but I don't want to push so hard as to push them away.
Schooling is practically non existent for both children (15 and 11), there have been dozens of hospital stays for self harm attempts and breakdowns, misuse of drugs, alcohol and medication (provided by the parents in some instances!), police arrests and detentions, reports of theft and nuisance behaviour, roaming the streets at night, threats of violence by and directed at the eldest, the home is beyond disgusting with human and animal excrement imbedded into carpets, mattresses and couches, rotten food, dirty dishes, piles of junk and minimal house cleaning and care taking place, meals aren't prepared as the children "don't like" what was cooked so the parents gave up and they just fend for themselves eating tubs of ice cream, packs of chips or 2 minute noodles, there are no rules, boundaries or routines for the children to follow, never have been. They are just left to do what they want, when they want as neither parent can be bothered dealing with the fall out of putting those things in place. They are financially well off so when the children ask, they get or they throw a tantrum until they do.
The family is well known in the community and has always been able to hide the train wreck happening at home so that from the outside looking in they look like they are doing ok. They are involved with several community organisations and always put on a good show. They know how the systems work to get the things they want and to avoid detection from authorities, lying, manipulating and pretending to be the perfect supportive family and blaming the issues on things that are external or beyond their control. This is all a complete farce as all of the issue they have were created from their own doing. There is definite Munchhausen by Proxy happening with some of the medical things as well so that the parents can claim carers payments.
I'm flabbergasted as to why the schools, hospitals/doctors and police haven't interjected or made reports to CPS with everything they have witnessed over the years. These organisations would have seen enough to raise their own concerns, but it they were to talk to one another the alarm bells would be heard ringing from space!! I have asked CPS to talk to these places to get the full picture for themselves and they have said they will, but yet again, mum and dad know what to say to weasel out of it and the cycle continues
Things have now reached crisis level (well beyond actually) and I genuinely fear for the lives of the children, especially the eldest. What else can I do to ensure their safety and well being? I feel like I am not being heard by authorities, or perhaps they themselves are overwhelmed and can't do anything. I would take these children into my home in a heartbeat, but have the safety of my own children to consider so it is not possible. Others have had temporary care of them, but when the rules come into effect, the children want out. I'm completely broken over this whole situation and just want to help these children and for mum and dad to wake up before it is too late. I've been watching this disaster unfold for years and have tried and tried to derail the train before it crashes and yet here we are. They all know what they need to do, but put it in the too hard basket and carry on, then pass the blame on before the cycle starts again.....how can they be helped when they don't acknowledge the issues, or ignore or down play them? How do I walk away knowing where they are heading without feeling like I have abandoned those children as well? I know this parenting thing is tough, but I could never just give up on my kids the way these people have. It's heartbreaking how little they seem to care....
6 Replies
Contact the schools and let them know. Let them know in brief and to the strong degree you feel their situation is right now.
They are aware, but the parents brush aside any issues raised and say they are dealing with them when they aren't. It is the same with interactions with the police and hospital staff etc. They are very good at manipulating situations to look like they are doing the right things, but aren't, then act surprised when shit hits the fan again. The children have been bounced around three schools in the last 18mo so there is no consistency to get the full picture.
How do you even know CPS hasn't been involved yet? They aren't going to give you that feedback.
Call the Police if you are that concerned but bear in mind you will need to give your name unless its Crime Stoppers and C/Stoppers won't act anyway unless a crime has actually been commited.
What might be normal to the family may not be normal to you and they don't act on those things unless a crime has happened . Unfortunately the Law isn't all black and White when it comes to how a family lives. You may never get anywhere.
The family would have told me if they had been contacted. I am one of the few remaining friends they have and they always come to me to vent. I have a close relationship with mum, dad and the children.
Police are well aware of what's happening as they escort the eldest to hospital and find her roaming the streets and take her home all the time. There are close family connections to the local police, but they aren't privy to the behind the scenes and only see the façade put on by the family. This has been going on for years and years so they are very good at keeping up appearances.
And yes, this is their normal, but it doesn't make it right. There is serious neglect happening, but the family know how to manipulate the situation so that they look like they are doing things right, when they aren't. I know all families operate differently and respect that, but when children are put at harms risk either intentionally, or by negligence, surely there is someone who steps in and helps them find the right way?
I think you need to tap out.
If I was you I would have emotionally withdrawn from the situation as soon as you made a report. You have done what you can do. Now you need to remove yourself emotionally.
It sucks, it really sucks seeing the shit lives some kids live...all because their parents can't get it together. But all we can do is report what we see and then focus on our own kids.
Thank you for caring. Keep ringing CPS and even threaten if anything happens to these children they will have blood on their hands. CPS is understaffed but the Government needs to fix that so children don't remain at risk. Those poor children won't be able to have normal relationships because they will be too embarrassed to have friends over or will choose friends who also have dysfunctional families.