Hi all,
I’m writing this to seek some opinions on a matter that’s been making my mental health decline rapidly.
2 years ago I met my now partner. I had gotten out of a marriage a year prior and he had previously been engaged. When my partner and I met each other we fell in love quickly. 10 months into the relationship I had fallen pregnant we now have a beautiful baby who’s 8 months old. I have a very close family my parents and siblings love my partner very much and make it clear. But the issue is, is that when I had met my partner I had always felt something off with his mum and brother and his wife. They’re extremely negative people and always brining down people which always upset me. As soon as I had my daughter it got worse I always felt like I had to prove myself to them and that I wasn’t good enough as a mum or a partner to her son even though my partner and I are always extremely happy. The mum always takes stabs at me and makes mean comments when my partner isn’t around. My sister in law always bitches about the mum and the mum always bitches about her. We have had situations where we felt something was off and asked the mum but she always says there is no issue in a very blunt and rude way. long story short we wanted to change a time for a get together which we always take turns for Sunday’s seeing each others parents and we had asked to change the time because of our baby’s nap time and the brother messaged my partner saying I was exactly like his ex fiancé and that we always put my family first. After all these jabs and making me feel uncomfortable I called the brother and told him off saying I don’t appreciate being degraded like that, he then swore at me loudly so I hung up, my partner called him asking for an apology which I’m still waiting for a week later. My partner then told his mum and she shrugged it off not taking interest, saying the brother was defending my partner. His brother later called and said he went off because his mum is constantly bitching about us and he was speaking on behalf of her. I don’t know what to do cause I don’t want my daughter being around people that don’t like me. I feel like they are narcissistic and I don’t want my baby around that. My partner agreeing that I have done nothing wrong at all and he is very upset that they’re treating me like this. I don’t know what to do I’m scared to be in a room with them I’m scared I’m going to have a panic attack and I don’t want to be like this for my daughters sake.
8 Replies
The best thing you can do is just stay away from them and not communicate with them.
Let your partner handle all communication from now on. He handles his, you handle yours. It’s a good way to handle communication anyway, even in healthy families.
Stop going to visits. You don’t have to. Talk to your partner about why. If he won’t support you in that then long term this probably won’t work, a great guy wouldn’t want you and his child exposed to this toxic shit show.
Totally agree with you, a very toxic environment to be around.
I wonder if changing the time had a flow on effect for others. Babies can sleep in the car, a bassinet, your arms etc. I find a lot of mum's feel entitled and that their child's sleep routine is more important than anything anyone else has going on. Maybe your request came across the wrong way or lacked empathy for everyone else... even if that wasn't how it was intended. Perhaps it actually needs to be a reciprocated apology.....
You never know. If you can clarify why they feel like they are in they right and were actually just standing up to you, you might end up with better communication and a solution that works for everyone.
Just replying back to the comment saying it may of been because I had changed a time... well firstly the issue is, is that they brother wanted that specific time suited they’re daughters nap who is 2 years old where my daughter is 8 months so that doesn’t make an sense and secondly how does that give someone a right to say those things, very strange that, that is your train of thought
Different commenter, so you both want the same thing and you can't see that lol FYI easier to get an 8 month old asleep out than a 2 year old. You both need to compromise, you don't get to just change it, you talk to them about it. It's not your way or the high way, your attitude stinks.
Geez, I wonder why they don’t like you 😂😂😂
Add the reason to your post, so people can see both sides.
Just to clarify, this was my response. Every comment agreeing wasother people. So it's not just 1 person thinking you're being difficult
I do not have anything to do with my in-laws unless my husband is there (and we’ve been together for 21 years).
His mother especially, is a selfish, snarky, miserable woman. I made the decision a long time ago that it just wasn’t worth the effort.
I’ve never stopped our children or my husband from spending time but I limit my time with them for my own wellbeing.
I stay out of the family dramas.
Don’t have any of them on social media etc.
it makes life so much easier.