Basically my MIL thinks my anxiety is an act for attention, and that I should just suck it up. I’ve suffered from anxiety all of my life and now it is affecting my career and my marriage. My MIL shit talks me to my husband and anyone else who will listen. She also shit talks my daughter who also had anxiety. I’ve had arguments with my husband in regards to this, yet he continues to talk to his mum as if nothing has happened. I am now getting such severe anxiety that I recently had a panic attack and ended up in ED. I am at the end of my tether and just want this all to stop. So my question is, do I ask my husband to stop contact with his mum or do I just shut up and put up with it?
4 Replies
I fully empathise with your anxiety struggles (beleive me, I get it). Generalised anxiety is still quite stigmatized and misunderstood, particularly by people of older generations. On the flip side, anxiety is often poorly portrayed in mainstream media, sometimes even glamourised, minimised or the butt of the jokes. That then creates this cycle of stigma and misinformation which allows people like your mother in law to spout ridiculous opinions about things they really cannot comprehend.
Anyhoo, i digress.
Asking your hubby to cut off his mother puts him in an incredibly unfair position, she might be toxic and horrifically ignorant about mental health but she is still his mum.
You can however put in place some boundaries to protect yourself from the negativity and you can learn some healthy coping strategies and tools.
A good therapist can help you establish those boundaries, how to put them into place and just generally assist you in managing your anxiety (cause right now, it sounds like it's kicking your ass). So if you're not currently seeing one, i highly recommend that you start!
Best of luck x
My son has severe generalised anxiety and has been diagnosed with a rare anxiety disorder, I only discuss it with people who I know will understand it. My immediate family, his school and a few other mums and that's it. I don't mention it to my in laws at all, I will say he's unwell or has a migraine if I have to explain his absence but that's it, they can handle a physical illness. My stepson has ADHD and they have never believed it, after seeing the arguments and lectures and guilt tripping they gave my partner and his ex about his behaviour I made the decision not to tell them anything about my sons anxiety because I knew it would end the same way. They would have just made me feel frustrated and blamed my parenting for it all. You can't decide what people believe unfortunately. Just stop discussing your anxiety with people who refuse to believe it. You can't stop your husband from seeing them but you can ask him to stop discussing you or your child's anxiety with them.
Your husband needs to stop talking about your anxiety with his mum, and he needs to stop telling you what she says.
What someone else thinks of us is none of our business.
I would never ask my husband to not talk to his family, that will eventually lead to resentment and a marriage failure.
I would talk to him and say while I’m happy for you to still be in contact with your family. I will not be from this point forward. I will not be talking to her or attending any of your family events.
Make it clear that in no way will it affect. His relationship with his family and the kids are still welcome to see them, but you will not be as you find his mothers comments hurtful.