I saw a post the other day, the OP talking about how she was burnt out, everyone talks about self care and how you can’t pour from an empty cup, ask for help, get someone else to pick up the slack with kids etc
But what are we supposed to do when we are burnt out beyond belief and there is no help? No one to pick up the slack, no family who will help, a father who deliberately causes more stress (divorced after years of DV), if I stop then there is no one to keep things moving at all, the stress of organising a day to myself often leaves me more tired trying to catch back up than if I didn’t have a rest.
I took a few days off a few weeks back and was ruined within a day off being home, my ex had realised I was away, caused havoc to try for e me to come back home, the cost of babysitting left me more stressed and feeling extremely guilty, the behaviour of my ASD/ADHD son for the next week or two and then the copying from younger siblings left me more devastated than I had been.
I’m emotionally and physically burnt, I travel 1000km a week for school, children’s activities, appointments, kids drs, my own work, but if I don’t do it, no one else can.
One of my boys is special needs (ASD/ADHD as mentioned above) he has a twin and younger sibling who are too young to understand his behaviours, triggers and meltdowns, so they are either copying his behaviour or triggering it, his twos very anxious (seeing a specialist), the youngest has a huge temper and anger issues (seeing Paediatrician) one of my daughters has such severe anxiety that she is now medicated, all of these things are made worse whenever they visit their father and takes days after each visit to resettle back to some sort of routine, I have no friends (I don’t have time for them), my family would rather bad mouth me behind my back telling the world all I’m doing wrong than offer to help, my bosses are amazing and so is the kids school, which is something for sure, makes a huge difference.
But I’m just so tired, I’ve just been diagnosed as ADHD myself and being assessed for being on the spectrum, but I am struggling to even find the time for the assessment to be finalised, let alone the money for the sessions.
Im not really asking anything, I think more just putting it out there feels a little better more than anything.
I’m exhausted, so very exhausted, some days it’s so hard to get out of bed, I’m not depressed, just tired beyond belief, right down to my bones and I have no one to share that with.
Burnt Out
Burnt Out
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Aspergers & Autism
15 Replies
Well you can share here your here and being amazing for you kids that is what matters ,burn out is horrible and especially dealing with a pig ex ignore him let it roll off take mini breaks as in 5mins to calm yourself no one helps your right but you got this xx
I have been there! I have had nobody help me with my kids and also been through a nightmare with an abusive ex and behavioural problems with the kids, one being suicidal. It's emotionally exhausting, throw in all the physical stuff and there's not much left. If you can afford to make life easier for yourself. Use the drier, buy your meals, get a cleaner, buy lunches, use daycare for respite. Drop some activities to free up some space in your day. It's not much but it can make the world of difference, especially buying meals it just makes nights so much easier. Hang in there it will get better x
Thank you, it helps to hear that.
I wish I could drop something, but I can’t, I work when the kids are at school, a babysitter costs more an hour than I earn, so I can’t afford it, school holidays it ends up costing me $5 an hour to go to work but if I don’t work on the holidays I don’t have a job, the kids are too old for daycare, 15, 14, 13, 10, 8, 8 and 6yo, the older ones help as much as they can, but it’s hard on them with their brother, I splash out and get a cleaner once a week, but it lasts about half a day most of the time before it’s trashed sadly, then I feel guilty at wasting the money on a cleaner.
7 kids no wonder you're burnt out! Teenagers plus what's going on with the younger ones, you should be sitting on the corner rocking back and forth with a cigarette in one hand and a goon bag in the other 😂😂😂. On a more serious note, reach out to local services and tell them you're struggling! They might hook you up with some programs or something for your ADHD kid at the least. Don't be scared to tell your Dr how you're feeling.
Thank you, I’m lucky to have a great dr!
He understands that I can’t really get any help and am on my own, he told me he wished he could send me away for a 2 week holiday just to get some recovery time lol
We are rural so sadly don’t get much commute service support.
It helps just being able to tak about it here!
Look into community based programs like brighter futures. They will be able to link you with fabulous services and even camps for the kids in the holidays.
Look into vacation care at daycare centres and schools. They are subsudised with child care subsidy. I currently pay $10 a day.
Also join online groups, they are a god send. Reach out when you can, genuine people won't expect you to love in their pockets and will understands friendships can come in all different ways. Look into ASD support groups. I know it can be hard to socialise when you have children with additional needs you are always worrying. Some of my best friendships are online based, we speak when we can. Some I have met, some I have not seen in years, some I see a few times a year, all are as equally as meaningful in my life and bring different aspects to my world.
Vacation care can’t handle my son safely, he runs away or panics and lashes out due to over stimulation.
The kids are too old for subsidised child care.
We live rurally so there is very little in the way of community groups unfortunately, we have an NDIS plan, but have so far been waiting 11 months for a behavioural therapist in our area.
There is little to no support and it’s near impossible to find help with watching the children due to my son.
Which child (age) has asd? The reason I ask is can the older two kids look after the younger ones, say three times a week to help reduce the cost of care? You all need to be working as a unit, and you can do that by giving your kids more responsibility.
- babysitting
- chores
And the reward could be pocket money or a free activity to choose (movie night etc) at home.
ATM you don't seem to have a balance and you have stretched yourself too thin as most of us mum's do, but in regards to time out and recharging you could try doing it with your kids, for example we all sit in the same room and read a book for half an hour, you may just need to get a little creative x
He is 8yo, one of the twins.
We already have rosters, the children do as much, of not more housework than I do, I work 2 jobs to pay the bills.
The older girls help above and beyond but the extra responsibility is getting to much for them as well, they can’t watch their brother if he is having a bad day, he is too much for them and his twin and younger brother copy if myself or another adult aren’t around.
Outbursts can be constant even on medication, hitting, screaming, running away, breaking things, climbing walls etc
I can’t ask them to do more when they do so much already.
Can the twins go to care and the rest stay home? Just to ease the cost on you?
There is no care available unfortunately, too old for child care, no respite without spending a fortune and being away from home sets off stress and severe outbursts sadly.
You Can do it. I've been there. It's hard, really hard. Some times it's just not possible and people just don't understand- BUT there are things you can do to get your independence back. Your own time. The more you can get in place, the better off you'll be when things get hard, and you'll see a light because you'll have your things to get back to.
You need friends. Friends are so important. Make time for them. Do it for your self. Build your community and you'll be better off.
And do enjoyable things for yourself, daily. Big and small.
What kind of a loser walks away and leaves woman to deal with this .. ahh I feel for you ! 7 kids your already amazing in my eyes girl ! No wonder your burnt out be proud of that burn out I say and just take mini breaks when you can be it 5 minutes or 10 i salute you your amazing xx
Are any of your children eligible for the NDIS scheme? They can offer extended support and carers to give you the break you need!
Oh Mummas I hear you! I have special needs kids on my own and I’m extremely ill (long term). It is so tough and so isolating when family don’t care enough (or at all) and you have no friends or a partner to step in. I’ve done what you have and got a cleaner. I’ve also got all my groceries and anything delivered. I have dropped all unnecessary things (and I’ve deemed a lot unnecessary that others would say are) and just focus on the children. I have a chores roster for everyone too. I wish I could reach out to you personally, so that we could help keep each other’s sanity!