We live 8 hours from our famillies and have no support network where we currently live. It's been a shit year for us from just being dissapointed by and losing faith in friends and family, moving across the state, being screwed over by my partners previous employee, having problems trying to get our 9 year old to go to school and just attitude problems with her in general. Thanks to ongoing issues with the house we are renting we have stretched our finances as far as we can and it's alot of stress for us at the moment.
Mental health wise I'm depressed, anxious all the time, really at the end of my rope and just have nothing left to give, I'm done.
Our oldest of 2 has just started 2 weeks of holidays and then when she goes back my partner starts 2-3 months of harvest work so I'll be doing everything by myself and if i don't break before then i know hosting an extra 4 adults and 2 kids for a week over Christmas in our small 3 bedroom house with all the issues we have been having with the house and financial struggles and general having in laws stay issues will break me. If i try to think about Christmas to start getting stuff organised for the chaos i feel physically sick and i just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I tried earlier in the year to talk to my partner about not coping and i needed time for myself and more support from him and i was pretty much told to suck it up because he has to work so theres nothing he can do. He then the following week let his cousin stay with us for a week with a few hours notice because she said she was struggling with her kids and they frequently dumped me with the kids so they could get away from all the kids which made me feel even worse than i already was.
Sorry for the long all over ths place post it's just all been building.
Thankyou :)
8 Replies
Just say it. I can’t have people here for Christmas this year. Let’s just do you, me and the kids. I don’t have it in me, and I can’t have people stay here. I’m sorry but that’s where I am. I’m letting everyone know tomorrow.
I showed him this post and he pretty much just said "imagine how stressed i am, it'll all be fine by christmas"
Can you suggest your family stay at a hotel / Airbnb? Eat out or have a bbq in a park for Xmas lunch?
It's my partners family and everywhere around us is booked atleast a year in advance around christmas and it's very expensive.
Tell him like it is - say honey we aren't doing the joint xmas this year. Its just us or nothing. If he can't accept it then cancel it completely and say you're done. And do nothing but have toast for breakfast.
If things have gone that bad with his old employer surely his parents should habe offered to have xmas at their place this year?
Can you go back home and visit your family?
I'd be telling his cousin to pack up and go to because you have enough on your plate. And if she doesn't understand she doesn't deserve to stay at your house again.
Dealing with other people's expectations is what causes people the most stress. If your Husband doesn't support in this, you need to get medical help and counselling for your own health.
But still put your foot down on no Xmas at your place.
Fuck expectations! 💕
I showed him this post and he pretty much said "imagine how stressed i i am, it'll all be fine by christmas"
Normally we do one year with my family one year with his but mine made plans without us. Normally his family would have christmas at his mums but because we moved away and we can't make it back for christmas they decided to come here.
His cousins already left she was here a week.
Yup it's definitely the expectations, they all live in big relatively new, perfectly styles houses whereas we live in a small old farm house with a lot of problems and because living here is only temporary we haven't unpacked everything, still have boxes everywhere.
Firstly, what’s they difference between her struggling with life and you struggling with life. What an arsehole!!
If she’s still there you tell her. I will not be looking after your kids if anyone should be it’s your cousin and if he’s not here then they aren’t here. Simple. Go home to your family for Christmas and let him host his family! Say nope, no ones coming here I’m going away. If you want them to come and stay that’s your perogative mate not mine. But I’m not cooking, I’m not cleaning up after them and I’m not doing the cleaning up for them to be here. You do it!! Work or your family comes first.,
His reasoning was because she's been raising her kids by herself for 6 months so her mental health came before mine (she worked full time to get away from her kids and her 16 year old looks after the younger 5 majority of the time does all the cooking and cleaning and then the cousin spends the weekends at her fuck buddies place while her oldest looks after the kids)
She's was only here a week.
This year we were supposed to spend christmas with my family but they made plans without us.
It's not so much the cooking and cleaning I'm worried about it's that our house isn't big enough to accommodate everyone, we have alot of problems with our plumbing, mould issues, dodgy electricals and we don't have a working stove or oven.