We are not weak

So i had a hysterectomy at 29 felt so much better after.. im now 32 and have been having all the early menopause symptoms went to dr levels are low but not low enough to be menopause..
So further testing for all the nasties all came back clear thank God..

Now im at the ? What the hell is it..
I have low sex drive where i couldnt care less if i ever had sex again. Hot flushes. Mood swings. Highly emotional. They were the only symptoms i noticed.

However i took a reflection day today to really think what the hell is going on.
Im withdrawn im tired all the time i feel as though my selfworth is nothing i feel like a maid not a mum.. i feel like i fail at everything so what is it??????

IM DEPRESSED!!!!!!! everytime i have ever felt down about myself or my life i slap myself and tell myself to wake up bloody drama queen.. i make sure everyone has what they need i go without.. i drink way to much cause it seems to be the best way to stop and relax (not healthy or a good idea i know) i dont crave alcohol i dont depend on it but i do drink too often.. i started smoking again after 3 years of not cause i gave in (i failed)

So what am i gunna do?? Im going to listen to the drs try some meds and make a weekly goal 1st one try yoga 2nd 3 30min walks a week 3rd try to find me again cause damn its been years..

My post isnt a question my post is a self help to me and who knows others like me may do the same as i have and leave yourself last till you hit this point.. we are not weak for admitting that we are not coping or that we are depressed (i did feel this way) but now i know i am so strong and i can do anything ..

Thanks for taking the time to read this