So I’m currently waiting for a mediation date in regards to access for my ex and our daughter. She is 18 months and he has had limited involvement around every 6-8 weeks sometimes longer. He was violent while we were together and on one of our recent visits was violent towards animals. He has very unpredictable moods and the last time he came he would go from happy to angry in a split second. He is pretty good at interacting with our daughter but makes quite a few inappropriate comments. He wants over nights and I’m proposing supervised visits fortnightly visits for 6 months then going to unsupervised. He doesn’t have overall stable accommodation and there isn’t a room or space or anything at his house for her to sleep. He was also in jail 3 years ago for threats to kill towards his ex, arson and domestic violence and his older child was taken off him by dhs. I by no means want to hinder his relationship with our daughter but honestly don’t think overnights are suitable at this age and with his lack of involvement. So my question is to those who have been through family court is what I’m proposing reasonable or will he more than likely get overnights? I’ve seen so many horror stories and it makes me so anxious
Family court experiences?
Family court experiences?
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6 Replies
Just wondering why you’d have a child with someone who clearly has a violent past?! And who lost his older child?!
Supervised visits in a visitation centre is what I’d be asking for. But remember the mediation order isn’t legally valid unless it’s signed by a judge.
She wasn’t planned, we were only together for a month before I fell pregnant and I thought he had “changed”. Trust me I hate myself everyday for believing that he had and giving my daughter a shit dad.
But thank you
I’ve been involved in family court a few times. If it were me, I would run the argument as you’ve stated - your concern for historic domestic violence, instability, inconsistency and the lack of parental bond between him and his daughter due to his absence. I would suggest supervised only access for a period of time, and no overnight time until he has stable living arrangements and somewhere safe for her to sleep. Even then, I would try for some kind of clause that says his time will divert back to supervised only should there be a concern for the child’s safety. I would also try getting something in there about neither parent being able to bad mouth the other in front of the child.
Thank you... this is very helpful and a perfect way to word it! I’m going supervised visits, the unsupervised and then eventually one overnight and go from there but that won’t be hopefully until she is at least 3-4. I already know the angles he will use against me so I feel I am one step ahead. But I have heard so many horror stories which make anxious that it will go the other way.
No worries! I can’t speak for everyone but from my experience all the judge wants is what’s in the best interest of the kids, and they have to go by the evidence given. I’d say the majority of people who have had a “bad” experience went in with the wrong mindset, or went in with what they wanted not with what the kid needed. I think there’s also a lot of people that aren’t willing to negotiate or be flexible.
I think a lot of people fail to realise it’s not about winning or losing, parents should be on the same team even if one of the parents isn’t any good. It’s not about winning a day in court it’s about making arrangements so the children get the best outcome.
Of course thats a general comment, and I’m sure there’s exceptions.
It took me 7 years, over 100k and countless court dates to get to where I wanted for my kids, but our case was extreme. In the end it’s whats best for the kid and so it’s worth the headache!
Good luck!
So sorry this has happened to you. Sounds awful. Given his history and recent concerning violence I strongly suggest he is never left unsupervised with your daughter. Start out with supervised visits and plan for that to continue. Unless somehow there are major signs he is doing something to change his thinking and behaviour such as being part of a men's behaviour change program that he completes how will he ever be safer with her?She has a right to safety (and protection from violence) number one, and a right to have contact with her dad if it is safe but if he isn't safe, it is harmful for him to be unsupervised. People don't just change without intervention. He doesn't sound like he acknowledges his behaviour at all and is doing something about it. The most important thing is to protect her. Don't let him try to convince you otherwise, that's part of the dominance and abuse. Present everything you have at court or in mediation. Have you received support about the family violence? Does he know where you live? It would be important to seek more support and discuss what you are proposing and revising your safety plan if you have one. Take care mumma.