I don’t know if this is a proper question or not, but I need to say this somewhere.
I feel like I am going to completely breakdown. I have a loving husband and 3 beautiful children (one with ADHD, one with Autism and one being assessed for Autism).
I work part time but I don’t enjoy my job. I’m in the process of trying to study for a career change. I have 2 of my children under school age, and 1 in primary school.
For years and years I’ve battled anxiety and depression, and I’ve been on medication for it.
Financially, things are very tight for us and we are renting our house and trying pay off debt, but it feels like we are on a treadmill- constantly running but not actually getting anywhere.
Our family doesn’t support us and hubby and I just carry on alone to raise the kids and keep the wheels turning, but we are both exhausted and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t put strain on our marriage.
The thing is, I’m so constantly stressed out and feeling so weighed down by our circumstances that I am fighting the urge to act out and do something crazy that I wouldn’t usually do, like going out and getting messy and carrying on like a teenager with no responsibility. I haven’t done anything like this and am really resolved not to, so much so that I am trying to quit casual stress smoking and cut out drinking altogether. But on the inside, I still feel this restlessness and this deep despair, like nothing is OK and the world is caving in on me.
I rarely cry but I had a big meltdown last night and sobbed until I felt sick because I just feel so low, so empty and so hopeless.
I thought that I’d feel better today after getting it all out, but I don’t. I feel the same.
I feel like we are in a hole and can’t get out. Realistically, is there anything I can do to find help or support? I wish we could pay for hired help to ease the load at home and with the kids, but we can’t afford it.
The thing that scares me is that feel this way on medication, so I can’t even imagine how I’d survive without it.
What do I do?
3 Replies
Maybe you do need to let your hair down?
I’m a young mum of two and it’s only recently that I’ve realised, I need to get out and let my hair down a little more.
I’ve done it twice this year. As in, had my mum look after the kids for the night and gone out and got really drunk and danced until my feet bled.
It is refreshing and I find I am a better mum for it because I’ve danced all my sillies out, I’ve had a little break from the kids.
Yeah I’m tired and have a bit of a hang over the next day and looking after the kids is a little hectic but I go to bed when they do and I’m fine the following day.
So much stigma around being responsible and mature all the time, and not being able to have time away from the kids to just let your hair down, have a couple of drinks and dance. But to be honest, it does wonders for your mental health.
It doesn’t even have to be often, but sometimes I feel like that’s all I need too.
Sounds like you need some regular down time if you can schedule it in? Could even just be a few minutes every few hrs where you just stop and breathe in the moment. But also even doing things where you can just chill out, regularly, even if it’s not along time period. Something might be better than nothing.
It also sounds like you might be bottling up your thoughts and feelings? Do you have anyone to talk to openly? Or you could do a check your emotional pulse twice a day where you spend 2mins justchecking in with how you’re feeling and what you might need. If you’ve suffered anxiety and depression maybe consider going to someone? Even if your circumstances can’t change, having an outlet could help.
I feel I could of written the exact same story except I have 2 kids, 1 has ASD, anxiety, depression & is refusing school, I gave up work over 6 years ago to care for our children full time as it was a good decision at the time. It means we live on one wage though, we go without the holidays & all the extras, I feel we will never get anywhere with money. But the best thing I did was start to go out with a beautiful bunch of mums who although we all have different lives, still feel the same guilt, dread, boredom & worries. We try to go once every 2 months - dinner, dancing - sometimes we drink, sometimes we dont but the getting dressed up, out of the house & the laughs are the best thing ever. Yes we go back to being mums & wives the next day but we feel better, even just for a little bit. It is helping my mental state immensely - nit just the going out but the talking about the hard times & celebrating the good has been amazing.