Sorry for the long one.....
So right now I'm hiding in the laundry so overwhelmed by the rest of my house and in turn my life. I feel like everything is left up to me and it's too much.
My SO works full time in a physically demanding job and we also have his 2 teenage kids living with us on top of a renovation that's taken waaaay too long to complete. I also work part time anywhere from 13 to 38 hours a week in a physically demanding job.
It used to be that I cooked tea, the kids did wash up and he did laundry. Menu planning and groceries was something we did together and everything else seemed to be divvied up reasonabley even but with no definitive jobs. Now it's all on me and I don't know how to cope without falling apart.
Menu planning and groceries is on me, cooking is on me, laundry is on me, clean up is on me, day to day errands and remembering everything that needs to be done is on me.
I'm so burnt out and not doing the jobs isn't an option.
If I don't do the groceries and cook and say they need to work out dinner then we live on pizza and 2 minute noodles. If I don't do the washing no one has clean clothes and everyone is complaining and compounding my stress and anxiety. If I don't do the dishes we don't have anything to cook with or serve food on plus I absolutely hate having a dirty kitchen.
Don't get me wrong I'm by no means superwoman, my house is a mess, I don't remember the last time my floors were vacuumed or mopped, the last time the car was washed, the curtains vacuumed, cob webs cleaned, the list goes on and only makes me more anxious knowing what more I have to get done.
So far tonight before hiding in the laundry I've done 8 loads of washing and hung them out, folded and put away last weeks 10 loads of washing, made cut up and frozen 2 slices, frozen 2 packs of lamingtons, done the dishes that I had left there since Wednesday in the hope someone else would do it, organised take out burgers for tea because I didn't have the energy to cook and done a crap tonne of running around for the reno ect.
I'm exhausted, how do I get them to help? There is no appreciation for what I have done and only scoffs and foul looks and moaning when I ask for help.
I've tried doing 15 minute power cleans and focussing on one room a day and almost every other programme out there. I can't afford a cleaner. I just want my family to pull their fingers out of their a*ses and help around the house!
Sorry for the rant, if you do have any techniques that work at your place I would be eternally grateful!
Hiding in the laundry
Hiding in the laundry
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Food, Behaviour, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
4 Replies
I have some techniques. Stop asking them to do stuff. Put dirty clothes baskets in each of there bedrooms, tell them from today they do there own washing. If the washing piles up in there room, there problem. Shut there doors, you don't have to see it, big job decreased. If my severely disabled son can do his own washing (since he was 11) they can too.
Call a family meeting for meal planning. If they show no interest meal plan what you'd like. Get the shopping ordered online and delivered in the night time. One less job for you to do. If they don't have snacks etc or school lunches etc because they didn't participate that's there problem. Cook dinners in bulk, it's winter so slow cookers are great. Only cook every second night and choose a meal that the teens. But actually I would cook them nothing for a week. Fix your dinner, don't even mention anything to them for a week. Don't buy takeaway. Let them go hungry or make sandwiches.
Talk to your partner, HE needs to give HIS kids a kick up the arse. If he won't do that he is a shit dad. Sorry, but it's true.
Then get your hands on some empty boxes, one for donate, one for put away, one for chuck out, one for the kids stuff. Choose one room to start with load up the boxes with the stuff. Drop the donate box at a charity, throw out the throw out stuff, put away the put away stuff, then tell the kids, if there box isn't empty by Sunday night you'll donate there stuff. Then follow through.
I think with a few of those strategies you'll start to make some progress.
But at the end of the day, there Father needs to parent them and start putting his foot down. Doesn't matter how hard you work or the hours you work, you don't get to outsource the parenting. If he won't back you up in this, you've got a BIG problem and don't let him and his last teens drag you down anymore than they have.
Teenagers are perfectly capable of helping with chores. I had a friend who had 2 ungrateful teenagers that did nothing around the house, solution? He cut off the internet and tv until all jobs were done. These teenagers had to feed the dog, get the rubbish out, help with washing and keep their rooms clean. They would scoff and moan all the time until the parents cut off electronics, then they knew it was serious and started helping out. Do something like that.
Change the wifi password.
If these teenagers get pocket money, make them earn it depending on what chores thet have done. So 5 dollars for washing, 5 for making dinner, etc. Since they arent your kids you need to talk with hubby, get him on board and get him to tell them in a family meeting.
I'm following this, cause this is me in a nutshell. However, I work full time and my kids are 9 and 10. I'm feeling you.
Family meeting. CRISIS MODE!! Get a big white board or write it all out - these are the tasks that need doing, this is when/how often, and this is who is responsible, everyone MUST contribute and be accountable. If you can't do your allocated task, it's up to you to arrange a swap with someone else... Failing that, go on strike