I am literally an afterthought to my family, not one ounce of extra effort has gone into making my mother's day or 40th birthday anything special. My husband couldn't even organise a mothers day card from the kids, no mothers day gifts, no birthday card, no present, nothing. When I try to communicate how that has made me feel he just interrupts and gets angry and makes me feel like shit. Mind you he has managed, in the last 7 days, to get a new car delivered from interstate, change over rego, driven 2 hrs and back to pick up new rims, ordered new tires, been to every window tinting place within an hour radius to get quotes - but couldn't drive the 2.4 minutes to kmart to get me a $2 card.
I have had a run of really crappy birthdays the last 8 or so years, including supporting my husband through some major mental health struggles (he was in a rehab facility over mothers day and my birthday last year) and I thought this year would be the one, they year when it all changed, my 40th, the next chapter of my life to celebrate rebuild and start to get me back now our kids are a little bit older.
Every birthday/fathers day I make sure I take each of the kids to pick out something for him, I make sure each kid has written on a card for him, there is a cake, there is his favourite meal for dinner, there is balloons.
I even organised myself a birthday party (emphasis on the I, hubby was no helpat all) only to have 16 people, including family, cancel on me the day before.
I just feel like I am so worthless, that no one wants to make an effort me, no body will turn up for me, I have no one in my corner. I just wanted to feel special for one day. I just wanted to feel appreciated for a few hours instead I am sitting in the dark loungeroom alone crying out the last few hours of my birthday.
5 Replies
I hope your day improved. There have been similar posts to this in the past if you want to search. Most people suggest buying things for yourself, organising family days, being clear about your expectations etc. To a lot of adults, birthdays aren't that important anymore. YOU are important, they just don't think your birthday is that essential to fuss over, so they probably have no idea that cancelling dinner would be so upsetting.
For my birthday, I am very open about wanting to be woken to hugs and a present in bed. I don't care what the present is, it could be new kitchen sponges that I forgot to buy when shopping for all I care... I just want the excitement of unwrapping something. To ensure that happens, I will tell hubby I'm going to get X so that he can take the kids to get me a birthday present when we're at the shops at some point in the weeks leading up to my birthday. I also like how excited my kids get, so I buy their favourite cake so they can sing to me in the morning and have cake for breakfast.
I think you just need to find something small that brings you joy and make it happen. Just because these things aren't organised by others doesn't mean they don't adore you... It just isn't how they show love.
I would be 100% letting him and the kids know how disgusting and disappointed you are.
Behaviour like that is teaching those kids that it’s acceptable and it’s not.
Book yourself a holiday somewhere, even it’s a staycation, they don’t need to know where. Tell them how much they disappointed you and go for a few days. While you’re there deflect and think about if this is really who you want to spend your life with.
I would be 100% letting him and the kids know how disgusting and disappointed you are.
Behaviour like that is teaching those kids that it’s acceptable and it’s not.
Book yourself a holiday somewhere, even it’s a staycation, they don’t need to know where. Tell them how much they disappointed you and go for a few days. While you’re there deflect and think about if this is really who you want to spend your life with.
I lived this until I decided no more. Before my birthday and mother's day I would send my kids into the cheap store to buy me something small. They wanted to give me something but could not because their father did not give a crap. After they went to school I went to the shop and brought myself things like chocolate, perfume, CDs, books or something that is just for me. I refused to let that guy ruin another birthday.
Once I left his sorry ar@e I organised a dinner, going out with friends for my birthday and it was the best!!!
Remember to honour your own worth, even if they forget ✨️💗
I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you the biggest hug I can muster. I know the feeling of being just an after thought and how it makes you feel so lonely and isolated. I don't know you but I just want you know that there is someone out here thinking of you; of how wonderful of a person you are and wishing nothing but the best for you xoxo