I am tired of the guilting of primarily mothers over complaining about the mess their children leave. Especially when they are feeling overwhelmed trying to 'do it all'.
This came about because I have spent my long weekend completing domestic duties. I would love a few evenings off having to listen to what someone else needs. Instead it's back to work tomorrow and feeling slightly pissed. Before someone else tells me I need to pull my teens into line, I am too tired to even nag anymore.
Someone posted that silly poem about missing grubby fingerprints and it set me off. No I will NOT miss the mess my kids make when they leave home! I WILL miss my kids fullstop! I feel for any mum trying to battle against this narrative. I'm fed up with it.
I have decided to stop being the person who never takes a day off work. I'm waiting until my kids go back to school and I am chucking a sick day.. maybe. Then I am going to sit around eating pizza in my underwear, having a nanna nap and doing zilch!!!! I can still dream right... 😌
16 Replies
Do it! Take a day for you! I also recommend having a meltdown. Yell, cry, slam doors, sob your heart out. Let those teenagers see how exhausted you are doing everything (and your partner if you have one). Let them understand that everything is not just your responsibility. I only ever did it twice with my kids, and after I’d calmed down I apologised to them but also explained that I’m not the only one living in the house so it’s not just my responsibility. They definitely improved after that, and would do what was asked of them virtually straight away and would often do other tasks as well. Sending hugs and I hope things improve for you soon.
Hahahaha, I hate those silly poems too...my kids are 9 and 15 and there are things I definitely DON'T miss and don't think I ever will! Do it, take a day off and also don't feel guilty for hating the mess!
I will NEVER miss my kids mess lol
I hearing you!
Kids and hubby went over seas for 21 days, came back last week, I madly ran around the 1st free day well into the night cleaning the house so I could kick back. It was blissful
I woke up every morning with the house in the same condition I went to bed.
People couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to go.
Not even 2hrs after they were home it was like an explosion of stuff. 13yr old girl, she is artistic ….I just keep telling myself anyway.
I second the meltdown… I do it once a year to keep everyone inline, I give them a weeks lead up.
Keep the kitchen/bathroom ridiculously clean, make it obvious like scrub the kitchen after dinner make them think mum has gone nuts….done it enough times now they all get nervous and step up, ssshhhh don’t tell my family its a tactic
Love this
You should take a day. But unless you have unpaid sick leave, you should take annual leave or something. Fraudulently taking a sick day and costing and employer money isn't fair. Gosh, even just make a choice not to do stuff on a Saturday. It's fine to say to your family that you need a day off.
What annoys me more is the people that say their house has never been messy with kids. I call bullshit on that. It's impossible, even if you clean everyday, kids make mess while they live. Toddlers are a walking mess! Those people are oblivious to their surroundings or they are openly lying to make themselves look good.
Or they're like my mother who would clean around us obsessively, consequently making every single one of us (herself included) miserable in the process 😂
I've been to houses with kids and their house is spotless. But very empty. It looks depressing! I'd be so bored living like that so I can't even imagine a kid living like that.
But were you a planned visitor? My home can look immaculate if I know someone is coming but definitely not always. If someone came to my house unexpectedly they would find mess.
Lol. I'm the clean before people come person. I have friends that have immaculate houses all the time though. Good on them I say.
My favourite is when people are like "messes can wait, your kids only get one childhood". Cool, thanks for that Susan, I'll come back to it all in 12 years when mould and rats have taken over my house...
The lack of empathy and practical support mums receive when they express overwhelming feelings is astounding, like when did we decide that guilt trips, useless advice and patronising clichés are the appropriate way to respond to someone who's struggling.
I saw this really stupid poem that said something like "While you were fussing getting a bath ready...you missed a silly dance your child was showing you" like FFS. When my kids were younger they said "mum, mum, mum" over and over and were showing me their dances, spins, etc ALL of the time! If I stopped to watch them EVERY time the kids would have never been bathed or fed and the house would have been so bad I'd have CPS called on me.
I don't give a second thought to those poems. I think people who find them guilting are taking them too literally. They're just a reminder that the mess and stress come with precious moments too, so don't miss those by focusing only on 1 side. Finding perspective and balance can actually help with that overwhelmed feeling.
Everyone gets overwhelmed. Have a plan in place. Chores for everyone. Or a group power clean each afternoon. Or yesterday I just said to hubby and kids that the house was a mess and I didn't have it in me to fix it, so please don't invite anyone over. Then I switched off for the day and we hung out as a family. That was my version of balance yesterday.
I think it's equally as important not to shame people who do have spotless homes. I have friends like that and they still have very warm houses. They still spend lots of time with their kids and are engaged mums, whether single or married to the dad. I actually wish I was like them, but I'm just not, and that's ok.
Thanks for all your replies ladies, I still haven't taken that day off haha. I think I am the only one in my workplace that has not had time off (high stress work environment). I do think it's time for a mental health day and maybe a trip out of the house so I do not spend it cleaning! :)
Good to know I am not alone in feeling this way 😌
They are called mental health days, last time I took one of those it turned into two weeks. But I desperately needed it to reset and "do nothing"
Find something that you enjoy doing at home, mine is puzzles, and just take the time you need for yourself. We aren't robots.
And I'm hearing you about the full of attitude, messy and lazy teenage kids. I am NOT going to miss that!