I have cut my abusive ex and his family out of my life for 8 years now. I tried to be civil and have that wonderful co parenting thing happening but things got really bad, they twisted things and made me out to be a horrible parent to the point it was damaging, I was gaslit and left to deal with kids that were hearing all kinds of things about me from them. So I cut them out. Then I soon learned that the family must have had some kind of military training in the past because they started infiltrating my friends list on Facebook, started messaging my relatives that I hadn't spoken to in years, mutual friends to get gossip on my boring posts so they could twist and turn them into whatever they wanted. So I deleted every mutual friend we had and locked my profile down so nobody could see any of my friends and only shared status with select people. That's facebook, so easy to get rid of people you don't want in your life on there but not so easy in real life where friendship circles intertwine with others in a small town. So my exes family are still getting updated on what I do. It's disheartening. I feel like my life is still theres to laugh at, criticise and comment on. It's been 8 years! That's just when I cut them out, I have been split from my ex for 12 years! It's still going! I have no idea what they are all doing because I don't ask, I don't care! But they are still asking people about me and I'm just at a loss.
I'm not asking for advice but instead using this opportunity to reach out to those people that will happily fill others in on what someone is doing, knowing those people have had a falling out and are not on good terms. Even if you think you're being asked out of concern or its someone close to them so they should know like a daughter, mother, father whatever. Respect peoples boundaries and don't update people who they have cut out. You're not helping and always think that theres always more to the story that you may know. Dont continue someone's trauma or abuse because you think you're doing the right thing or because you don't see the harm in what you're saying.
2 Replies
Yes it hurts, but I remind myself of the saying "What other people are saying about you is none of your business". I can't change it. I'm not in that circle (by choice or otherwise). Maybe ask the friends that are telling you that they know your business that you don't want to know. How else do you know they know, if you have no contact?...
100% understand this. It's been 14 years for me. He even went as far as messaging our oldest son and telling him I became a nurse to get my hands on drugs 🤦♀️
I personally think they say these things because they can not stand the fact that I bettered myself, I worked hard, juggled kids, work and years of study to achieve my dream.... He's still living with his parents spending his dole money on alcohol and weed so he says these things to make himself feel better. I just let it roll off my back, my kids are much older now and they see who has been there and the truth.