Stay or go


Stay or go

Hi ladies,

Bit of a long story so please bare with me.

I have been in a long term relationship for nearly 10 years, he had previous children and do I, we also have a couple together.

I have taken on his kids and absolutely love and adore them, he took on my to because they are there.
I have had many conversations to try understand why he has no involvement in anything any of the kids do they have all been my responsibilities, I get no help when it comes to decision making with the kids or anything, we have businesses that I do all the paperwork etc for and run my own, I get absolutely no help,

I struggle to communicate with him as I'm to scared to because everything turns into a massive verbal fight, I walk away with the kids to get away from him because it's not ok for the kids to see this behaviour.
Every conversation turns into a fight to where I'm at a point of wanting to vomit, I start shaking to even ask a question or respond. If he doesn't like my answer or I catch him out because he knows he has lied he then tries to bring up previous arguments to find something to attack me on, we have been going to counselling but I'm struggling to even go because I'm afraid I'm going to say something and he takes it the wrong way.
He comes home from work sits on his phone or wanders to the shed, he has never had to get the kids from school or do any activities with the kids. I cook dinner and bath the kids he still on his phone, but I'm at a point I can't approach him or it will escalate.
I tried to explain to him in this relationship I feel needed not wanted, he says *that's your opinion*
When he is in a bad mood he makes sure everyone knows about even towards the kids. Which is really upsetting me, I try to talk to him about his anger and sets him off even more, the relationship counsellor has even told him to be more patient and calm.
I do all communication with his ex for the kids, even had to go see her to sort things out about the kids, there is absolutely no input from him at all, he walks past the kids when his home from work and doesn't acknowledge them at all. He has one favourite child which all the kids know who it is and that is the only child he cares about.
He promised to be at our 1st child's first day of school that never happened,
I don't even know what to think or how to process any more,
I love my kids more than anything and I want them to be happy, they can sense everything. Everytime there is an argument they all come out and ask if I'm OK, my husband thinks I baby them that's why they go to me, which is not the case at all.

Do I give this session with a counsellor one more try or do I leave!


2 Replies


Take all the kids and go. I know it doesn't feel like 'just', but every day you stay makes it harder. Maybe use the counseling session to announce your leaving so you have a witness and some back up. But have your ducks in a row before and don't be going back to the house after. Talk to 1800 RESPECT and make your plan.
Please stop being his verbal punching bag. He is just teaching the kids that this is ok. Co-parent with his ex and the two of you ladies will become a great village raising your tribe!


You can live with love or live with fear (in all aspects of life). You’re fighting for something that’s never going to exist. He gaslights you and is a terrible role model for the kids. LEAVE