Has anyone found that losing weight killed their marriage?
I’ve recently lost about 25kgs, I did it because I wasn’t happy with the number on the scales, I feel like I still look like the person before. I’ve never had much of a sex drive but I put out to keep my husband happy. I’m not a very affectionate person either. We’ve been together nearly 20 years, so he knows all these things.
Since I’ve lost weight he’s become more full on with constantly touching me. I can’t even sleep in because he wakes up super early and the touching begins and then I have to put out to keep him happy, because if I don’t then he tantrums. He’s started telling me what to wear constantly, telling me to wear less, and I’m not confident in that. I’ve told him he’s being really controlling and I don’t like it, I’ve told him he’s smothering me, he doesn’t stop and it’s constant. I get he’s attracted to me but it’s becoming too much, I feel like I never get quiet time because he’s always making a comment or touching me.
This weekend he’s been next level groping me, and there’s other people and our kids around so I’ve told him to stop, then he tantrums. I woke up this morning to again him touching me everywhere, then I went to get up to have a shower and he started abusing me saying that I’m a slut and I only lost the weight to impress others blah blah blah. Told me it’s over ect. All because I wanted to be left alone.
I’m sick of it, I hate being touched as it is and now it’s constant and he’s not respecting my boundaries at all.
I remember early in our relationship his oldest brothers partner of 20 years left him after losing weight, and all I can think is, was he smothering her too, and that’s why she called it quits? Because she wasn’t feeling respected either.
I love my husband but it’s becoming too much, his moods are erratic when he’s not getting his way with touching me and sex. I don’t know how to get him to see it from my perspective that he’s being too much because he straight out turns abusive.
3 Replies
I was originally thinking he's an... ergh ... garden variety sex pest, but, as your post goes on I realised he's abusive.
Touching, groping, telling you what to wear, the aggressive outburts (not tantrums, sorry) meant to get you to comply.... All red flags for abuse.
The comments on being a slut, it's over, etc. are an escalation of abuse. It'll likely get worse.
You have two options. Get your husband to do counselling and understand consent and abuse, or leave. I suspect it'll be the latter.
You shouldn't put up with this verbal or physical abuse.
This!!! Your husband is abusive and he needs to improve and seek therapy or you need to speak to a DV Counsellor so you can get some support and possibly plan an exit
Omg this husband of yours is a pig. I feel so so sad for you that you’ve been living like this. None of this is ok. NEVER have sex with him to stop his childish tantrums. I’d be never ever giving him sex again. He’s gross. Leave him and find someone who treats you like a queen, the way you deserve to be treated.