My ex-husband and I have been separated for 4 years, married for 15 years and have 2 kids. He started a relationship with someone new 6 months ago which is fine and all, she’s really lovely and good to our kids. He decided to move overseas to be with her and will come back once or twice a year to see our kids.
I’ve found out today that she is pregnant.
I don’t know why but I feel so sad and shocked. I never expected to see him have a baby with someone else. I truly want to be happy for them but for some reason I feel so upset. It’s like he’s also changed for the better for someone else but me and our kids were never worth him changing for the better. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is even valid or normal. It’s like the final nail in the coffin of us really being down and over. The thing is, I don’t even want to be with him, he can be quite narcissistic and self centred and I’m glad to be out of the marriage, but why do I feel so gutted? :( I think I’m gutted for my kids.. I don’t want them to feel like he’s starting a new fun family overseas now and they will be forgotten and pushed aside. Wow this really hurts!
I don’t even know what I’m asking here..
Maybe some words of encouragement or support from anyone else gone through this or similar? I don’t know.. thanks for reading xx
Ex-husband having a baby with new girlfriend
Ex-husband having a baby with new girlfriend
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
10 Replies
He’s overseas, you’re imagining it’s all good and amazing because that’s all you’re seeing but YOU KNOW him behind closed doors. You also have seen the reality of what he did for you and for his own marriage to you and what he’s done for his kids since. Don’t fool yourself.
You're grieving still.
Completely normal.
Support your children's relationships with their sibling and if you need some self care, you are entitled to it.
It's the finality of it all.
I went through this, didn't want him, but felt sad.
It was temporary.
They had more children, never felt that way again, only after the first.
Mine was married so quickly and playing happy families with someone else. Was a horrible, abusive person towards me. They seemed to be the perfect couple for a long time and I started to wonder why I wasnt enough. Fast forward 8 years later and their relationship is toxic. I'm so relieved I am nowhere near that. Do not believe he has changed, he is probably just doing the whole grooming stage again.
You’re right. I’ve just found out in the last few days that she is very controlling and abusive towards him but on social media they look like a power couple who are so happy. Wow. Yet he still chooses to stay and cop it from her. They are both narcissists and deserve eachother.
What your feeling sounds normal. You’re imagining him having a great life and making a family with someone else and he has left your kids to be overseas. Maybe a counsellor would be good to talk to to help you through and give you the validation you need. Work on yourself and live your best life. If he is selfish and a narc then you’ve won.
I totally understand this feeling. My ex husband moved on just a couple of weeks after our 16 years together and changed everything I had asked him to work on for our family. They are still together 15 years later and from what I've witnessed and the kids have told me she is very much the dominant one in their relationship and makes all the rules. Rants and raves when she doesn't get her way. I used to feel sad for the kids but you just have to remember he is choosing to do this and he will miss out on your kids. You got the best part of him...your beautiful children
Its a normal natural emotion, allow yourself to feel it and then it'll just hit you at some time that you are over it and don't care but for the moment, don't judge yourself for feeling what all of us would in the same situation.
My ex and I broke up 14 years ago. I've just found out he's having another baby soon (due april). I have 2 children with him and he wanted an abortion with the 2nd. Now he's new bub has heart issues requiring surgery at birth assuming she makes it that far. It has been doing all kinds of shit to my head seeing him so upset about this, but remembering how he was so casual about ending my 2nd pregnancy.
I have had another child since so its not jealousy (and just for shits and giggles he's had another 2 since mine lol i seem to attract them) but its definitely a different feeling.
Its not what you signed up for when you got married/started a family. You're allowed to feel how you feel without owing anyone an explanation. And remember its not your job to force a relationship with their father, thats on him. You'll cop the fallout, but they will look back eventually and see that was his decision. Hugs mumma xx
I think you are upset for your children. The new baby will get dad full time and your children will only get once or twice a year visits.
You are greiving for your children missing out on have dad in their lives regularly