Have any of you left a long term relationship with a narcissist? How did you recover? How did you heal? How did you get your confidence and self love back? How did you get your memory back and heal the brain damage? Really need help with all of this right now! So sick of not being able to think or understand things or being confused all the time!
Recovering after a relationship with a narcissist!
Recovering after a relationship with a narcissist!
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Health & Wellbeing
2 Replies
I have recently had to accept that I will be healing for the rest of my life. I have PTSD from long term abuse as well as other family tragedies.
I will say that it does get better. I had to identify my triggers. Learn to accept myself as being enough or even just 'okay' as loving oneself was just too hard a task.
I had to recognise when the voice in my head was not my own and learn to challenge it and be kind to myself. I learned to become my own best friend.. I would never say the mean things I was saying to myself to a friend.
The confusion lifted the more I spoke to other people, including my DV counsellor and other women who had experienced the same. There are facebook groups as well. It's that validation that helped me to make sense of it all.
It's a slow journey but self-discovery can be an adventure and exciting, so not all bad. Discovering new things you enjoy doing and new friendships. The you before the abuse is not the same you afterwards but that does not mean you are now less. Just start rebuilding, small steps.
I thought I had recovered and then I repartnered years after. Only to discover new ways of healing as my now partner asks why I do things including shutting down. I was trained so well 😞 but I'm getting better and so will you 💗
First of all - Good on you for leaving!
I left my ex after a 12 year relationship. I was only 13 and he 18 when we first started dating. No adults ever stepped in and hindsight is a real Bit*h.
There's so much to say about my relationship. Sexual, emotional, financial and social abuse. He even decided what career I was allowed to have.
So, without too much explanation I'll go on to healing. I am now 10 years out of my relationship. (We have 3 boys together)
Get yourself a good DV worker. Either an experienced social worker, psychologist or counsellor. Someone you vibe with. Don't just pour out to someone you don't feel comfortable with. It doesn't help. You need someone who gets you and you really connect with. You're allowed to be picky with the professionals in your life!
The road is tough! You have spent so long being gaslighted that reality takes a while to come back. So focus on small things. For me it was getting out of bed at whatever time I wanted. Then picking whatever I wanted to cook for tea. Choosing my own furniture and even utensils for the new kitchen. I ended up in Social housing. I literally had nothing except 50k of debt that I couldn't prove was his and not mine because it was all in my name.
You'll find when you start talking about things, you remember more and more. You'll even start remembering some time lines based on other significant things like kids birthdays, holidays, special events.
It's a lot of mental work within, stuff people can't help with. You need to learn to be true to yourself. If you don't feel like going somewhere or doing something. Say no and stick to it. None of the whole "Yeah sure, I'll be there, I'll do that, I'll go there, I'll babysit for you."
Be so focused on you internally. Do things that scare you. I went back to study at 30 - challenges everything in you. I wanted a career that was my choice. So I did it.
Scared of sharks - go cage diving or something.
Find your own confidence in life. Find you love for you.
Even after close to 11 years after leaving, I just happened to be at a town I used to live with my ex husband. Memories came flooding back. I ended up so emotionally overwhelmed from the weekend away. Stuff pops up when you least expect it. Just work through it. Each thing, one at a time.
Write things down or type them out if that helps.
If you have kids - maybe you still walk on egg shells because they display similar behaviours or they just remind you so much of their father. Just treat every behaviour with love. It's so hard, so stressful, so overwhelming and emotional. You'll want to give up every single day. So just work through one day at a time. Not a week or month or year. Just one day at a time.
Accept what was, Make your future work for you.
I wish you all the best. Happy healing!