Child Support

Anonymous

Child Support

I met my ex #1 in high school we didn't date to I was 19.
We lived together and tried for a baby.
How ever I didn't see it. He was controlling. A text book narcissist. Cut my friends and family off. He was financially abusing me, sexually everything but physically. Made me feel crazy to I did go crazy.
It wasn't to we actually fell pregnant did he become physically violent. He wanted an abortion even after we tried. He had a daughter already and decided it would be fair on her.
When I was 13 weeks pregnant I left.
I took out an AVO.
It was never finalised as I was so young emotionally and maturely and being in the stand with out a lawyer and his lawyer badgering me I walked off and turned my back on him.
I moved interstate.
We made a home and have done so for 9 years now.
2 years ago I met another narcissist.
Again another AVO. The police arrested him and helped me out.
I'm still fighting ex #2 in court.
But.. he found my daughters father somehow. I never mentioned his last name or any details of him to ex#2.
A tactic to get to me
Ex #1 has played along
He gave a statutory declaration and an affidavit.
He said he has no doubt ex #2 is a victim of my abuse and believes ex #2 isn't telling lies. That he is a good person etc.
He said I lied to the world he was abusive. Said the courts didn't even believe me and he won (I walked away, no verdict was made).
I'm so angy he has backed this man who scared his child so much she wet the bed and went to therapy. I'm also disappointed in him

For 9 years I have let him not support is. As I didn't want to ask for money off him. I haven't gotten nor asked for a cent.

But now I'm thinking I should.
He yet again thinks he can do what he wants.
He has a new family. More kids. Makes $95,000+ a year in the NAVY.

My thought frame is; He can come down to our new state and town. Come to court to back someone he doesn't even know and think there is no repercussions. We had like a silent understanding. He stays out of our lives and I won't ask for money. He didn't stick to that.

I know I sound like a money hungry bitch. Or what ever else some of your ladies might say. But I'm not. I have a good salary and home. I'm just thinking maybe I could put child support away for my daughter. Help her with Uni or a car..
Then at the same time I love being independent. People get a huge shock when I tell them I don't get childs upport.
They ask how does he get away with it.
Again he gets away with anything

So my question is. I have no idea how to go about it.
Who do I call. Who do I talk to. Where do I start??

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Money

1 Replies

Anonymous

Never feel bad for getting support for your child. It took me 3 years to learn that myself, after breaking up with my ex and deciding I didn't want to deal with all his bullshit so I opted for no cs just to keep him happy and out of my hair. Then I lost my job, he was not having the kids regularly or helping in any way. My kids were going without while he was on 6 figures with a new family and not struggling at all. That's not fair. So I contacted CSA and got them to collect cs from him. Things got really nasty as we had 4 kids so it was a lot of money, he tried all sorts of stuff and I got so much abuse from him and his new partner. But since you've already cut contact with your ex you can hopefully avoid all that, I would just be worried that he might now know where you live.

I would also take a really close look at your friends and family, he's obviously got that information (surname) from someone..

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