I need some advice or where can I go for help please. We see our Dr on Tuesday (19th Sept). We are applying for NDIS assistance too.
My Miss 3 is non-verbal, and we are in the process of getting her assessed for Autism and ADHD. She understands what we are saying to her, can follow directions, is a bright and happy girl.
But she keeps attacking people.
*Example, she walked passed her big sister Miss 6 and hit her over the head with a book that i had just finished reading to Miss 3. Miss 6 was sitting colouring in.
*Example, I was sitting on my bed she walked in threw a coat hanger at me, screamed at me and walked out. She was sitting with her Dad playing with her Bluey toys.
*Example, her big brother Mr 9 was on his switch, she walked up to him and bit him on the leg. She was playing nicely with her babies and Miss 6.
If she gets told no, she lashes out, biting, hitting, kicking, spitting, screaming. She is lashing out more and more, for no obvious reason. Yes there must be a reason, I'm trying to work it out. Yes she is 3 and they have big feelings at this age, but this is next level. She really is Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde, which is awful, but the only way I can explain her. She will be fine one moment then a switch flicks and she flips out.
Of course I am working with her. We are doing auslan to help her communicate. We fo breathing work to help her with big feelings. We make her say sorry. We see OT and speech regularly. We have sensory toys to help her, headphones to help with loud noises (which she now asks for regularly) Etc etc.
What am I missing here?? Drs keep telling me to keep working with her and I'm trying to trust the process, but things are getting worse, not better. I'm terrified of her being around her baby brother Mr 1, in fear that she will randomly lash out and hurt him. My older two are sick of it (totally understandable) and we talk about their feelings and things we can do together to help Miss 3.
I'm trying so hard to keep things together and help all my kids, but I feel like I'm failing.
I'm in Western Australia
3 Replies
So this behaviour may seem a little extreme, my younger sister was exactly the same!! She’s perfectly normal now but still has a temper.
My mum did a full month long stint at a hospital with her (similar to tricillian I think) but when she came home we were told not to react to her behaviour.
Mum was always following her around, her ‘punishments’ were different to ours, and she didn’t become verbal until school.
Have another chat to your doctor and see if there’s a behaviour type school thing near you? Sorry I don’t know the name of it, but it was helpful to my mum.
I’d also say why wait for NDIS? You can start the things you would use the funding for now. Like psychologists etc but being non verbal we had to take her to the centre where she would ‘play’ with the psychologist (I’m actually not sure if it was a psychologist or a psychiatrist)
We also had an outdoor climbing frame built, my sister would hang from
The top when she was angry but that stopped just before school begun.
Good luck, it’s not easy, but I wanted to
Give you a little hope about the future (my sister supports herself and is in a great relationship with 2 kids :) )
One of my close friends had her son behave like this. So much of it was frustration at not being able to communicate and wanting to be included.
Avoid using the word no. It's a trigger word. So she is dysregulated, your focus is on staying calm, co-regulating (breathing, controlled movement/exercise, calm sensory space) until she is calm and then addressing the behaviour. E.g. I would go back to pictures of emotions and ask her to point at the one she is feeling. Then I would say "person, feels sad too because he was bitten etc. So how about we try to make you both feel better" and redirect her behaviour. Try not to give her a big reaction, as the reinforcer may be all the extra attention from everyone, even if it is negative. I would then give her time in. Which means she spends time sitting near you e.g. she sits for 5 minutes drawing a picture while you cook dinner. Always the focus is on the co-regulation first as her little mind will be off-line and to try to dive right into communication, would be like trying to wrestle a tornado.
My friend was often hit when her son was trying to tell her what he wanted and could not. So maybe getting her to use more props when she wants to communicate e.g. a stop sign and then some pictures to point at e.g. children playing together.
Ensure you use timers. so if you are busy and asking her to wait for five minutes, hand her a timer or have a visual display she can go to. Ensure you stick to the time you give her. Transitoning is usually a big one that causes issues with anxiety and dysregulating. So use time between transitions, between tasks and environments as it may reduce her anxiety e.g. we are going to the park in 10 minutes, 5 minutes etc.
I know the specialists may try to tell you no to extra props as she needs to learn to verbally communicate. This was putting my friend and her child through unnecessary hell! After she shows what she wants, you repeat it back to her and then try to help her to use her words to ask, if possible. My friend found this eased so much of the frustration. He no longer lashes out and verbally communicates.
Keep in mind a small amount may be appropriate behaviour and testing the boundaries.. I would suggest getting a child psychologist on board, just for some advice on how to handle this behaviour. They do not have to engage in play therapy if this is not what you want. They can look for triggers and offer behaviour support to you. Once NDIS funding is obtained, a behaviour support plan would be a good request.
I hope something in this helps x
I agree that it has to do with not being able to communicate with words. She is communicating physically and being a terrible threenager she's probably frustrated she can't voice her wants and instead of yelling or whining about it she's getting brutal.