Hi.
I dont have many friends..mainly acquaintances who I meet up with ..but one friend I have can never take the hint after talking on the phone for over an hour..that I have to go.
I try saying "Well ,I've got to go now "..then she will start on another subject..
She is always complaining that her family members don't invite her anywhere or visit (which is sad I know ),but she is always being critical of them..and she sort of 'lectures' people (including me ), whenever she is telling you about something..
(she Always has to be 'right')
Its exhausting some days.
I have anxiety and some don't answer the phone..cause I know it will be a looonng conversation..
Its not just me..others have said the same.
(I even get detailed accounts of every health issue..which when I ask if she has been to a doctor..I get told that they don't help..I think she is a bit hypochondriac)
Does anyone else struggle with friends sometimes?
Does anyone else struggle with friends sometimes?
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Sisterhood Stories
2 Replies
It's funny we don't want to be rude and cut people off but they're being rude by ignoring our attempts at saying goodbye! It used to happen to me but it was face to face. I think you just have to push through with that goodbye, you have an advantage being on the phone, give her a 5 minute warning so she knows its coming, say, "I will have to go soon" then when you're ready interrupt her and say "Sorry I'm going to have to go now but please tell me the rest next time! Bye!" Talk quickly and firmly then hang up. It goes against polite conversation but they aren't being polite either. You have to do what you have to do.
This person sounds incredibly lonely and it needs to be met with empathy and kindness. I would actually say exactly this to her. I would say you sound incredibly lonely and that this is really hard for you. I would then try to work on how she addresses this either through accessing therapy to talk about all these issues, saying that I would want the best for her as a friend and that she really needs to talk to someone who would give her the right advice. When she gets caught up in something, I would simply respond with, "I am so sorry I am not able to help you with this, I really get that this is hard and want the best for you. I really think finding someone you could talk to about how hard this is, would help". So validate her experience but also refuse to get dragged into it. Really this woman is stuck and the only way she can become unstuck is through accessing help. I would also ask her about hobbies or other things she does that involve social interaction and encourage this to address her loneliness. Even if you go with her the first couple of times. If she does not listen then you absolutely need to draw boundaries so that it pushes her towards other options. I would simply say, I cannot talk long as I have to go and then follow through with hanging up.
You are not her therapist and are not qualified to help her with this. Keep reminding her and yourself of this.