Hi Everyone
Sorry this is a little long but I am hoping someone might be able to help.
My partner is dad to a 15yr old, let's call him Seb for ease sake. Since Feb Seb has refused to goto school (year 10, QLD). Seb would completely break down and even if forced to go would run away from school within an hour. Seb would not share why he didn't want to go anymore. Seb and his mates were all also caught smoking marijuana during this time.
The school has worked with my partner and found a place for Seb at a displaced students school but not until very late this year.
My partner found Seb a traineeship in the mean time and things looked like they were working well for Seb, until a couple of months ago.
Seb all of a sudden refused to goto work. From a family perspective looking in they believe Seb is very depressed. And to top it off he has snuck out again to smoke marijuana with his friends.
It is clear Seb will probably refuse to goto to the displaced students school when the placement finally opens up. My partner has tried taking him to the doctor several times during all of this, however given Seb's age, can only go into the consult if Seb agrees (which he doesn't). So he has no idea of the treatments being suggested to and refused by Seb.
My partner is at loss as what to do next to help Seb and I can see he feels he is failing as Seb's parent at the moment. I was hoping that maybe in this beautiful tribe of parents that someone might have some guidance that could maybe help🧡
2 Replies
When they are refusing all help its very hard to get them to engage in anything and there's really nothing anyone can do. You can have natural consequences for things like no pocket money, no phone but in the end its just a waiting game. One day he will wake up and realise he can't do nothing all day he will need to go out in the world and get a job. That could be next week or it could be next year. I think its really important to not get too authoritarian with them otherwise they immediately go on the defence and will try harder for you to not be right. Just go about your lives, set your boundaries around drugs and behaviour and have natural consequences in place if he oversteps. Using drugs? In the real world that would mean no job so no money for him. No respect? That would mean loss of privileges like wifi, friends, phones. Whenever he shows an interest in anything could be sport, gym, a job, tafe, jump on it and look into it straight away. Engagement in anything positive is a step forward, it doesn't necessarily need to be a job or education to begin with.
The most you can do right now is take the kid out and have one on one time and speak openly and ask what’s happening and how you can help. Don’t judge, don’t talk much just listen. Tell him you only want to help and you will do what ever it takes to help. Discuss medication options to help take the edge of things. Discuss different tafe courses anything really but just be on his side and don’t say much except for support and listen. Maybe he needs to have a break for a month or so and focus on himself see what happens. Tell her you can see it and feel it and are always there to listen and support him without judgement. I’d say anxiety and depression is a big one.