My daughter came out to me last night about her relationship.
She likes girls, I fully support her! It's really up to her who she likes and what she does in her life as long as she is happy, healthy and loved. I'm just here to guide her, pick her up when she falls and be her mentor through life, she knows this and I think that's why she was happy to come out to me at age 12.
She has her first girlfriend now and she's had sleep overs with her in the past, I didnt know there was anything between them before and at her age I was having sleep overs with my girlfriends in the same bed and was always at their house or them at mine, it's kind of like that with her and this girl too but now I know she is her girlfriend i dont really know how to act or what I should be agreeing too. I want to pull her back a bit in fear she will become sexually active or do adult things before she is ready to but in the same sense it's not like she's going to become pregnant at 15 if you know what I mean.
We've had the whole sex talk and she knows how to be safe but she's still a baby and I don't want her to grow up before she is ready to but I also want her to feel like she can do what she feels she is ready for in a safe space.
Edit: I should have clarified, my daughter is now 14 turning 15 in a month
13 Replies
My philosophy when it comes to teenagers is this and it applies to same sex and hetero relationships.
They will be sexually active whether we want them to or not, whether they're mature enough for it or not - their hormones far outweight their emotional development at this age.
Our job as parents is to ensure that they have all the knowledge and tools so that they can be as safe as possible about it. To me that also includes a safe place to explore this part of growing up. My first sexual experience was in a beaten up, cold, damp wooden shed, the second was on the bathroom floor at a sketchy party. Both times my mother was under the impression I was staying at my best friend's house.
I don't want that for my kids, actually I don't want that for any young person.
Have a chat with your daughter, see where she's at. Maybe discuss what you both feel are reasonable expectations for sleepovers going forward and go from there.
Best of luck and good on you for being so supportive ❤
She's 12! There's being understanding, and then there's being irresponsible.
I read this as though she was 15 so some parts of my response probably aren't applicable or appropriate in this situation. My fault for misreading...
I stand by the last part of what I said though. OP should still talk to her daughter and see where this is all at - sex may be the absolute last thing on her mind at this stage. Then discuss some kind of agreement and boundaries regarding sleepovers going forward.
She did say the girl is almost 15. That commenter needs to make sure she reads slower so the correct info sinks in and they stop trolling 🧌
You should read it again. She came out to her mum this week at 12 years of age. The 15 and pregnant comment is about that not being a risk in the future. Noone is trolling except you
Boyfriend or girlfriend, 12 is too young for sleepovers. I wouldn’t be allowing it.
The way I read it, she came out at 12, but is now 15.
Oh ok I misread that. 15 is a bit different.
15 is a theoretical future. The daughter is 12.
Yer I wouldn’t allow sleep overs then. Boy or girl there is an age of consent and this would be happening under your roof.
Just a word of warning, a huge percentage of children, particularly girls, are announcing that they are gay, bi, pansexual, asexual or non binary these days. The education is confusing them because they learn things before they really know who who they are and they're trying to label themselves since they are learning about it. Many get girlfriends and then they realise as they get older that they're actually heterosexual and need to 'come out' all over again.
My daughter has 1 friend who hasn't wavered, but the rest have all retracted their announcements. Don't make such a big deal about being supportive and open that you leave no room for her to change her mind if she realises this announcement was premature as she gets older.
I was going to write similar. Kids are so confused these days because they have it hammered into them.
Yes, this generation love their labels, it's cool to not be hetero these days lol
If it makes one authentic gay kid be able to come out or stops one kid gay kid from suiciding, I think all the confusion is worth it.
The pendulum has swung so far the other way, I think the next generation after this one, things will settle down to a happy medium.
We want a safe place where gay people are fully accepted, but that kids aren't trying to find a label to be cool.
Will we ever get both lol?
Time will tell.