My daughter started having sex. We have an open relationship and I’m glad she feels comfortable telling me everything but I’m not sure how to handle this without sounding like I’m judging her. She understand STD and that she could fall pregnant( she surprise about it ) but she continues to have unprotected sex knowing the risks. I have her booked for the bar next week but it’s not 100%. She says it just happens and it’s not hers or his fault because they just do it. I’m worried that once the bar goes in she won’t know she’s pregnant until it’s too late and she won’t have choices. I’m not sure what I’m asking or just venting. I’ve told her she really should be careful but I’ll always be there for her.
8 Replies
My worst nightmare. Speak to her about what she expects when she misses a period, does a test, it comes up positive. Get her to actually think that far ahead. Maybe she’s just thinking it won’t happen to her (every time it doesn’t probably enforces that idea) or maybe she’s secretly thinking an ‘accidental’ baby would be an adventure. Or maybe she just thinks get a pill and it’ll all be handled easily. But you’d have to find out what she thinks would happen further ahead to know what to say.
Definitely get that bar in fast, but I would randomly test her.
She sounds a little emotionally immature and don’t be surprised if she is actually trying to get pregnant, but not owning up to that.
I have the implanon implant if thats the "bar" you're referring to, it is extremely effective. The efficacy sits above 99% protection for 3 years.
I'm not saying pregnancy would be impossible whilst using this form of contraception. Nothing is 100% guaranteed, not even things like vasectomy, but the chances of her falling pregnant with a contraceptive implant are extremely unlikely.
So while her cavalier attitude towards safe sex is pretty problematic, you should be able to rest a little easier once she's got that sorted. The doctor will also require a negative pregnancy test before the device is inserted.
In the meantime make sure she's got access to plenty of condoms and frankly I'd pop into the farm any for some plan B as well (the morning after pill), just in case.
Does she not feel she has any say in when she's having sex?
Double down on it IS both her and his fault if they fall pregnant. It's not hard to carry a few condoms.
I found a GP that my daughter feels comfortable talking to who spoke to her about all of this as well and freaked her out when she described some STIs haha. I also went and purchased different condoms and gave them to her and told her it was important to be safe. She also has the pill. I have told her anytime she needs more to just let me know. We keep the communication open. If you do something like this then she most likely will not feel judged, you are just trying to keep her safe x
So she is ok if she falls pregnant or getting an sti?
And she's aware of all the sti's out there and their side effects? If so she's making a very dangerous choice.
Honestly I'd be making her suit down and watch episode and episode of the teen mum shows. My kid isn't old enough for this talk yet, but I'd be sitting then down showing what happens and the way these women talk about their lives after having kids so young.
Please a doctor to inform her on STIs
I would be more worried about getting an STI and becoming infertile due to not getting it treated.
If she wants kids eventually, she needs to be really careful now
I have a pretty open relationship with my children and even their friends, un/fortunately I am the mum they seem to go to when they have questions they dont want to ask their own parents.
So a couple of tips that I've learnt, they're kids, they will tell you they understand something when they really don't. We're adults, we assume something is common sense when it is not. Therefore, please explain exactly what the bar and other contraceptive options mean, the risks and coverage.
Explain when and how to take a pregnancy test, taking it the next day after unprotected sex does not give you an answer.
Explain what it means to have a surprise pregnancy and that a decision will need to be made, you cannot ignore it and hope it goes away.
Explain what teenage parenting means in terms of future career options and education. I was 16 when I first fell pregnant, I had to explain to my son that when he complains that we never go on oversees trips like other families, it's because we didn't have the stability and finances other parents had when they first had a child.