our son is 12 and just started year 7. He is our eldest so this is all new to us! After the first week he came home and said he had a girlfriend, we naturally asked a few questions about her, finding out she is 13 almost 14 and in year 8. No worries we thought, they are young and no doubt so shy to each other…we picked him up and he hugged her at the gate which was really surprising to us at how quickly it’s moving. We seen her over the weekend and they held hands at a community event and she came and met us. She wears thick make up and very dark eye liner, and seems so much older! He is a kid so we thought so it’s all seeming so Hard to believe. He tells us she gets sent out of class 5 times most days for swearing at teachers and said she never wants to work or anything…we work damn hard to give our kids great lives and work ethic, this is not ok behaviour in our eyes, but she is not our child so we can’t do much about it. But with the age gap and maturity gap (she is wanting to text and call him constantly, wants the more hug and kiss relationship etc) we are so worried things will move far quicker then we would like at this age, not to mention how attached he is to her and isn’t hanging with his mates much now. I don’t know what I’m asking, but if this was your son, what would you do?!
13 Replies
I'm not sure what this girl's boobs have to do with anything!
I was in a D cup by the time I was 11 🙄
Her attitude doesn't sound great but her breast size and a bit of make up has literally no bearing on that.
Chances are this will be a fleeting thing, just keep an eye on it for now and try not to read too much into a 7th grade romance.
Sorry the boob thing sounded offensive and I didn’t mean it to be. Just that there’s so many photos of them together with his arms around her boobs etc and it’s like a 16yo relationship not a 12yo. And heaps of make up, very black eyes etc, which is fine I’m sure but for school, I wouldn’t of thought so…everyone’s different I guess but my daughter won’t be dressing that heavy at 13…
She may be doing it wrong because she’s so young, or from low self esteem.
Do they hang out after school? Will you meet her or speak to her?
Sad to say year 7’s were having sex when I was in high school in the 90’s. So don’t dismiss the possibilities today with more exposure to sexually explicit materials and the increased peer pressure to perform that typically goes along with that.
I don’t think it’s a big deal. Maybe just ask him what he likes about her. Is she smart? Does she miss a lot of class if she’s sent out? Why doesn’t she care about getting in trouble? What does he think about that?
Keep asking about his mates and his interests/ sport etc
By the way he’ll pick up if you don’t approve and it will push him to her quicker than anything else you’ve ever tried to instil in him.
Do you think he is more mature or her? It sounds like you say he is, but she wears makeup and has boobs so you think she is?
In most kids, rude behaviours comes from immaturity or inability to handle something so it’s a way to save face while getting out of it or covering their difficulties.
Also kids behaviours in class with teachers can be really different from their interactions with each other.
Her behaviour in class can have a strong influence on others including her son. It’s understandable why she’s so concerned about its influence on her son, including the initiation behaviours to meet her expectations.
Then add in the sexual exploration which is understandably a great concern since the expectations are far greater with what they know, see and hear today.
It hasn’t though. It really sounds more like mum is in fits because this girl isn’t the perfect princess she wants for her son. I think she needs to take a breath and learn to like - or at least get to know with an open mind - the girls her son dates.
This is my concern, she also has her nose pierced and look I’m trying to not judge, but she is obviously allowed to do a bit more then most 13 year olds which my main concern is sexual exploration to be honest! I’m in my early 30s so know how girls act when they’d be ready…the hugging, holding hands, texting I love you etc is concerning to me after only 2 weeks. We have been the stricter parents that dont Have iPads, gaming etc, worked hard to buy a farm and live out of town so our kids don’t just hang around the street bored. I also am not judging and think it’s cute he has a gf…but it’s moving way faster then I’d like at this age.
Just wondering, would you be concerned if the genders were reversed? It's definitely more common for the male to be older in a relationship but she's only 1 grade above him. It's not a big deal. Not sure what her looks have to do anything? Also she could be talking shit regarding her behavior at school. If a child was sent out that much nearly every day I'd imagine they'd be expelled.
Easy to pass judgment when it’s not your child.
This is my concern, she also has her nose pierced and look I’m trying to not judge, but she is obviously allowed to do a bit more then most 13 year olds which my main concern is sexual exploration to be honest! I’m in my early 30s so know how girls act when they’d be ready…the hugging, holding hands, texting I love you etc is concerning to me after only 2 weeks. We have been the stricter parents that dont Have iPads, gaming etc, worked hard to buy a farm and live out of town so our kids don’t just hang around the street bored. I also am not judging and think it’s cute he has a gf…but it’s moving way faster then I’d like at this age.
You need to put this girl's appearance aside completely because a fair bit of your objection seems to be based solely on the way she looks.
It's a very outdated to associate make up and piercings with sexual promiscuity! I live in the city and you see more 13 year olds with make up and facial piercings than you do without.
I do get that her behaviour at school and the intensity of this relationship worries you and look that's fair but the way I see it, you could forbid him from dating her which runs the risk of him rebelling and getting in deeper with this girl.
OR, you can be supportive. Try and get to know her with an open mind, make her feel comfortable in your home. The closer you keep them, the closer an eye you can keep on them. Also, have plenty of chats with your son (without nagging or lecturing) about things like consent, safe sex, pressure and not doing anything he's not ready for, maintaining other friendships and life interests, the importance of his education etc.