Will this work, I need advice if you've been in this situation.
My daughter is 16. Very mature and never had a proper boyfriend. She's picky and has very high standards.
She has met someone through a friend and they have hit it off very very well and both very much like each other. They constantly FaceTime and talk on the phone every day. They have never met in person so it's all on the phone.
Thats because they live 3hours away from each other.
They are both 16 and he too has not had a girlfrirnd before. They have really got to know each other very well and seem to have connected on a deep level without things moving too fast physically because they have never actually met in person.
This has been going on for 6 weeks and they both want to meet in person now. He has said he will come to meet her (and meet me and her dad too) and they have already planned it and what they will do etc.
The next plan is for her to go to his place. I'm not comfortable with her staying 3 hours away and at a boys house. But who knows after we meet him we may think it's OK and trust her to go.
I just cant see how on earth will this work with a 3 hour distance? They will barely see each other and when they do, it will involve a 3 hour train ride or us to drive her or vice versa, then they will be staying over at each others places.
We wouldn't allow him to stay until we are comfortable and only in the spare room.
I want to be open minded but really I can't see it working but I don't want to ruin this for her if she really likes him and whose to say you have to meet someone that lives within your area, right? I would hate to stop something that might be great thing?.
He is very respectful and sounds like a very nice boy. I do believe she is a good judge of character and they have done lots of getting to know each other, more than most would do.
I'm not sure what I'm asking specifically but any advice would be greatly appreciated.
7 Replies
I wouldn’t be letting my daughter go and stay. I think it will work and it’s good to have they distance. At least they won’t be together every 5
Mins. Don’t over think that too much. They may meet and not even like each other. Offer to go for a drive and may be stay a night at a motel near there and get to know him that way. It’s early days. One step at a time but I certainly wouldn’t want my daughter sleeping there. They haven’t even met.
My 17 year old step son has a 16 year old gf from the next town which is only about an hour away but with all the parents working it's more difficult. She comes and stays at ours, he goes and stays at hers and they stay in the same room. We have other older kids as well and we've always said that they need to work relationships out for themselves, even when we can see the person isn't good for them or we don't like them. Parents telling teenagers who they can and can't have a relationship with never works well, and I stress the never. Even if it works and they end the relationship they will become incredibly resentful of you and go into their own little bubble and hide future relationships. Let them lead the way, I know it's scary but she is 16, lawfully old enough to go wherever she wants anyway so if you try and hold her back she might go anyway and be less likely to contact you if she does start to feel uncomfortable.
She sounds like a smart girl but just because it’s lawful age, doesn’t mean have to let her go. I wouldn’t be happy if it was my 16 year old daughter sleeping at a boys house but we all have different rules for different families. Each to their own. There is no right or wrong, it’s our own personal beliefs and what works for each family.
Yes, I'm not really talking about same bedrooms but what could happen if OP doesn't let her daughter continue the relationship. It rarely ends well and then they are not going to want to contact you if they want to come home because teenagers don't like it when their parents are right about something they had to argue with. It drives them away from you..
Is there a reason they can’t meet in the middle a couple of times? 1.5 hours travel isn’t so bad to hang out for a few hours.
The best way to push a teenager into a relationship is to tell them they can’t have one, or that it won’t work.
Find compromises.
I did it at 16. Biggest regret. Wasted my teen/twenties commuting & missing all the fun stuff with friends
My eldest has had several long distance relationships. Different states is his current one.
Honestly just watch, if it gets toxic step in. And be there to pick up the pieces when it falls apart. Frankly im over it but banning it will just make them sneak contact so I just watch and wait.