My 13yo daughter has recently been assessed & diagnosed with high functioning autism. I am trying to find the best way to sit down & tell her without making her feel different or isolated as she suffers with anxiety & has issues making friends. I would like to find a way where I can turn this conversation into something positive & empowering. If you have a child with ASD, how did you tell them?
3 Replies
Did you not explain what autism is /can be and what traits she has that made you go for the diagnosis? Did she know what the assessment was for?
I know that understanding why she’s different and has struggles can be a really helpful key, so I wouldn’t see telling her as a bad thing, it’s a way for her to understand herself.
So I would start by saying look I’ve got the report from the doctor and they think they know why you’re having troubles with x,y, z. These are traits of autism in girls.
You might need to go over what autism is , make sure you ask what she thinks it is and clarify that it can be very different in girls and boys and a lot of what we think we ‘know’ is based on boys. See if she thinks it fits herself? There is a lot of study and strategies and support available, it doesn’t change who she is at all, it’s just a positive step in understanding and getting help - especially with challenges that might come up in high school. Ask if she has any questions, write them down to research together or ask the doctor.
I'm surprised that the medical professionals and appointments she would of attended with her parents didn't discuss this with her. The not knowing factor would create stress and those appointments would of impacted upon her weekly routine. So to be going to all these appointments and not be told is bizarre.
For us, he was 12 and was present for all appointments with the paediatrician, psychologist etc unless he was asked to wait outside.
He was bang in the middle and getting all these tests. He was told why and what was happening. Being transparent and treating him with respect had a huge impact on his anxiety and how he relates to others.
Your daughter is 13. She should understand why she's having diagnostics and a psychologist would have told her why she's having an IQ test and being interviewed.
Having her actively involved in all appointments is empowering and seeing a paediatric psychologist for counselling as a family helps your relationships and allows them to ask questions in a safe environment from a professional with you being there to advocate and learn with her.