Hi I have a now 2 year old with my ex partner, he is still in his life from time to time when he feels like it but we don’t have any formal arrangements, when he wants to see him he will either come over to my place or take him to his fathers for an hour or so then back to me. But my question is my ex has 3 other children aged 18 15 and 13 that he doesn’t have any contact with , I know his ex partner as we all went to school together however we wouldn’t have spoken in over 20 years and we weren’t friends as she was a few years below me in school. When she found out I was pregnant she told my ex she felt sorry for my son, I understood what she meant by that but I guess what I’m wanting to ask is should I reach out to her to find out if her children want to know my son? I’m assuming that the answer is already no due to my exs brother making a comment about their dad putting pressure on the boys to meet my little one. My other question is do I tell my son he has brothers, my ex used to tell him when he was smaller as we had photos up of the boys when we lived together but I never mentioned them to him, I know that when he takes him to his dads (where he also lives) that he would most likely be telling our son about his brothers as he did when he temporarily lived with his dad for a short time. I’m just so confused and I hope what I’m saying makes sense Thankyou
4 Replies
Rewrite - when we temporarily lived at his fathers.
I would wait a few years and contact the two older boys yourself when they've matured a bit and also not likely to be influenced by their Mum. A message with a photo of your boy letting them know they are welcome to get to know him if they like, he would love to know his big bros.
The chances of the older children wanting a relationship with a much much younger child is very slim!
I’d let dad tell the stories, and wait a few years and contact the eldest child. But don’t expect anything to come from it.
I would absolutely approach his ex. Don’t be pushy about it, just offer the relationship and leave it up to her and the boys.
I would also talk about his brothers to him, never talking bad about them or their Mum so if they ever decide they want a relationship the foundation has already been started.