How do you stay focussed. I have started again. My ex husband and I separated last year, I have had to move due to finances and not being able to afford where we were living and mentally I was in a bad place with no support. I am working but I have eaten into my savings. I feel like im treading backwards. I pay child support as my children stayed with their dad as I don’t have my own place as yet and I don’t think he would let me have them back to be honest without a fight. I have a plan but I just feel like I’m failing at this new start as well. Has anyone else been in this position and fell back a bit but made it work and are comfortable now. I have a long term plan as I want to buy or build my own home so I can get my babies back but I just feel like it’s out of reach at the moment .. does anyone have any advice. Savings advice. Positivity to send. I miss my children so much but I’m trying to make the right decisions for their stability and mental heath as well. My ex is an amazing dad and the kids are doing great. I don’t have a problem with them being with him. It’s obviously socially not as accepted for me not to have them. Which is something I’m also dealing with.
4 Replies
I would rent a room in like a share house close by and see them often, like a few hours every second or every day.
Renting a room would also save money.
I would not move away and lose that connection.
Being on your own, you could work like two jobs to get back on your feet, take advantage of this time.
I promise you things will get better, everyone struggles at first.
I lived with family (with my children) for a while.
It’s hard but if you work hard, you will get there.
Fuck socially acceptable.
You know what I think is socially acceptable? A mum that puts her kids first, and if that means kids living with dad then making that sacrifice for them. You fucking rock and don't let anyone tell you different.
As the other commenter said, stay nearby and see them every chance you have.
If you're still struggling financially see a financial counsellor. If you're getting on top of it see a financial planner.
You've got this.
Get the property settlement done as soon as you possibly can, so you know exactly where you stand with that.
Starting over is always super hard, no matter the situation.
And yes, fuck society's expectations. Do what's best for the kids!!!
I started over again 6 months ago. Moved 8 hours from my home with a suitcase of a clothes, no where to go, very little savings, my kids stayed with their dad as I had nowhere to have them, he moved too but he lives with his parents down here. I started in a hotel room, found myself a new job, rented a room in a house and saved like crazy.
There were so many nights I just layed in bed unable to sleep from worry and sadness, almost went back a few times. It felt like steps backwards, I owned my own home and then found myself basically homeless and torn away from children.
My hard work payed off though, I moved into my own rental house 2 weeks ago, get to have my kids with me 50 percent of the time, I work full-time so still don't meet society's expectations as what a mother "should" be doing but I do my what's best for us, right now I need to work to pay for the roof over our heads. Not everyone thinks that way though, I had a lady at work tell me I was inspirational this week... So don't think think of yourself as not meeting society's expectations, think of yourself as an inspiration, it takes alot of guts to start over, be proud of how brave you are, I believe you will make it through this to the other side xx