Hi,
I am just looking for some advice, I have an 11 year old girl soon to be 12 and she is driving me crazy. She constantly argues with us, is super emotional but if I try to help she gets snappy, back chats and can be really nasty to her 9 year old sister. I try to be calm and validate her feelings but after a day of the back and forth I have nothing left. I have asked for advice from the school counsellor and also reached out to her school but she seems to be totally fine there, am i the problem? Is this normal? Any tips?
6 Replies
Puberty!
Hormones
You’re her safe place. She knows you will love her no matter what, so she’s able to hold it together at school and unfortunately it gets unleashed on you and her sister at home. Puberty is most likely kicking in as well, making the attitude worse. Read some books together about puberty so you both understand what’s going on with her. Keep loving her, but keep family rules and boundaries in place.
Ah, welcome to adolescence. Your sanity will never be tested quite like it's about to be 🤣
In all seriousness, it's normal and it does get better. 11 to 12 was unbearable in my experience, my middle daughter is almost 13 now and while she's still pretty extra she is a bit more calm and rational.
The main thing I've found helpful is having firm boundaries but also showing some grace and picking your battles.
Just remember that she's at the age where her body is going through a lot of changes. She's confused, scared, tired, sore and she can't get out how she's feeling because she doesn't know how. She is allowed to be emotional. Continue being understanding and patient with her, make sure she has what she needs to feel more comfortable. Get her a pack of pain killers, chocolate etc. Sit with her and have a deep and meaningful conversation and make her feel like her feelings are valid and important.
Puberty is a bitch. You’re most likely not the problem but she’s certainly going to tell you that you are. My condolences. Look for moments to catch her being nice, even if you have to sneak a glimpse at her when she’s asleep