I feel like my younger brother hates me (and maybe even the rest of the family). I don’t want to get into specifics, but he is always so condescending and throws around back-handed insults, thinly disguised as jokes. He really isn’t a nice person, very selfish, rude, arrogant and frankly just mean and disrespectful.
Others in the family have noticed but they mainly say things about his wife who is somewhat the same. I think it’s always easier to blame the in-law so you don’t have to admit that it’s actually your family member who is the problem. My opinion is that she wouldn’t be that way if he didn’t approve of it. If that’s the way they treat us to our faces, what are they saying behind our backs?
We see each other every few months and, sometimes, it can be pleasant but the majority of the time, I feel disliked.
Should I ask him what his problem is? Ignore the elephant in the room and pretend everything is ok like I already do? Take my husband’s advice and treat my brother the way that he treats me? Try to spend more time together to build up our relationship?
Cutting him out of my life isn’t an option but I feel sad when I think of the relationship that I have with him. How do YOU deal with negative people in your life?
4 Replies
I deal with them by having as little to do with them as possible. My stepson and fiance don't like me which is fine but they are really hard to be around. A lot like you described your brother. I can't completely cut them out so I just limit my interactions with them, when I have to go somewhere where they are I just keep conversation short and sweet, I don't talk too much I keep conversations very basic or they will use things I say against me.
Say it to him and tell him him how you feel. Once it’s in the Open it may actually bring you closer together and make him think about how you feel. Maybe he really isn’t that happy in his life and relationship. It’s probably a cover. What have you you got to lose by speaking up.
I wouldn’t let him steal your sunshine!
Definitely chat to him. Be open gauge his reaction. If he does better awesome if nothing changes that’s on him.
Hmm I would pull him aside and let him know in a non intimidating way that you are worried about him as he doesn't seem happy. Ask him if everything is okay and let him know he can reach out to you if he is struggling. Sometimes behaviour like this is a front for something much deeper. See how he reacts. If he acts defensively just say that's okay, I just wanted to check. If he starts on you then just start to distance yourself and invest less. However, he may open up to you and reveal he is indeed struggling. His wife's behaviour might be an indicator that they are both unhappy.