A while ago, my child 14 yo ran away to live with their other parent. I say run away, due to the parent being on an AVO deemed not responsible enough to be a parent due to drug and alcahol abuse. The main reason they ran away, we have too many rules, like going to school, helping with house work, being home one weekend in the month to do family things and school night cerfew of 7pm, 11on Friday and saturday.now they can roam the streets, hardly attend school, been escorted off beaches for underage drinking and rave parties. They are doing mild drugs and 99% of the time, won't come see their siblings unless their is something to gain from it. They are livng out of their back pack and on friends couches
They visited yesterday. First time we have seen them since before Christmas. The weight loss is allarming. Face sunken in, hip bones patrooding. Hair dull and matted, bags under eyes, pail skin. Skin a tad jawdus looking. I checked my wallet this morning before going to town, and cash was hanging out of it, I looked inside, I'm not sure how much I had in there, but a large amount was missing. I'm sure they took it.
I'm at a loss, if I bring up my concerns they shut me out and I go months with out hearing from them. The other parent never knows where they are, and our other kids say that when they talk to that parent they complain about having no control so they just gave up. Now 15, almost 16, police no longer get involved to make them come home. I don't know what to do, I feel I failed them. I'm worried they will end up in hospital, or even dead.
Teen issues
Teen issues
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Drugs & Alcohol
12 Replies
I don’t have an answer but definitely do not leave valuables and cash out anytime they’re around. Make sure they’re getting nothing from you, except unconditional love (that’s not money or material things) and support for when they decide to act right.
15!! Your child is homeless!!! Your child is either hungry or on drugs!!! Both!!! Your child is still your responsibly!!! Have they been set up with homeless allowance or whatever it is called now? Do you still get FTB for them? Give them some money or buy them food! Give them a safe space to come back to no questions asked!!! You write it like you're annoyed they only come back when they want something, isn't that what you want? Yes they stole money, do you want to run through your head what else they could be doing for money? Break ins, stealing, sex! Get your act together and hunt your child down every day! You want food? Have you had a shower? Have you applied for a job? Do you need any help? This is all coming from a now 40 year old woman who was a homeless teen too and was skin and bones due to not eating! Look after your kid!
Calm down! This parent is at her wits end. You can not give money to an addict for food. It will go on drugs. This kid can come home and knows it.
Are you sure? The OP speaks as though the child is the other parents responsibility. Maybe when you have your own kid out there living like this at 15 you will shake your head in disbelief at this post. I am because I was the 15 year old kid. Different story if it was your adult child but this is not an adult. Call DCP, call their friends where they are staying at, make sure this child does not get swept under the rug. The more it's ignored by everyone the more this will just get worse. It will not get better unless someone is actively caring for this kid.
If this is the story I think it is, this step mum has gone so far beyond the call of duty for her step kids, way more than the biological parents have. She’s fought for them, been to court, taken all their abuse from their traumatic pasts, taken them to therapy, but now the police dont care he’s a runaway, the authorities aren’t on her side, she doesn’t know how to win this one. She also has a major mental health condition. For gods sake, have some compassion, this step mum has had a harder journey that any mum I know. No matter what happens, how bad it gets or what advice we give, she will not abandon these kids or her partner.
I’m sorry op, don’t know what you can do, aside from letting him know when he’s ready and cleans up his act, he always has a place at your home. Maybe he needs to hit rock bottom, that mother of his deserves to be shot for all the damage she’s done to these kids. There’s a lot of kids in my area with a similar upbringing, but they don’t have a step mum like you. I hope your boy comes back to you, he has a chance because he has you in his corner xxx
They are down as in their other parents care. I tried to tell them that their abstudy is theirs not their parents. No point in discussing anything. The only reason they come yesterday, is because I got them things for school. They wanted siblings to take them to school and I said no, they had to come get them. If they ask for credit, or money, I always say yes. If they need a lift I always say yes. My child is and always will be my responsibility, but hoe do you help in this situation
What do you think she can do if the child refuses to come home, refuses to stay home and police can’t do anything either?
How sad! Ring police and report your money missing and try and get something in place to help. Speak with the other parent and do something together to try and help.
Think very carefully before you ring police re stolen money as advised above.
All you'll do is get your child a criminal record & she'll get a talking to by police (at most) because that'll how the juvenile justice system works.
Our juvenile laws are so soft now, they don't scare anyone straight anymore. (And yes, I am a specialist in the matter).
Contact DOCS if you haven't already, get a case file opened & have her listed as vulnerable.
But quite frankly, the is F all you can do here except feed her when she shows up.
I would maybe have a backpack prepared with food, hygeine products, a jumper etc, just essentials, maybe a cheap prepaid phone, that she can at least have with her if she's roaming the streets.
And super sad to say, but also put a list of your contact details and any allergies somewhere in there, in case she's picked up by police or ambos in the future.
I've recently been through this as well with my teen (runaway, alarming weight loss etc)
My guess is that it's more than mild drugs. It sounds like meth. And you are right- the police don't really help.
I'd say they are avoiding you because of guilt, it's so unfortunate but just keep the lines of communication open. Text them regularly to let them know you love them and you are there for them. Offer food and shelter but not money.
Hopefully they will eventually have enough of this nomad lifestyle and know they can come to you for help.
What does the other parent think of all this? You guys don't sound like you're on the same page? If possible that might be a good place to start as well
They don't really seem to care. On the upside, our child resently asked for birth certificates as they want a job so not too "rely" in their other parent too much. Witch I guess is something. I always have ways to find out where they are, with relatives being at the same parties, or friends parents letting me know if they stay there. I'll text the other parent to see if they know where they are for them to say "their here watch TV with me" when they are at their uncles begging to stay there or at a friend's home.