At what age do you allow your teen to sleep over at boyfriends or have the boyfriend stay over.
Ive had a chat with my daughter, do I have a chat with the boys parents? What do I ask / talk to them about?I had a brief and awkward conversation with the mum the other day and I’m guessing she’s not to fussed what they get up to.
I’m not 100% keen on this boy. Some comments have been made about his home life that have me concerned. My daughter knows she can ring me at any time and I’ll come and get her but I guess I would rather avoid a negative situation if it could be avoided.
I don’t know what I’m looking for. I guess, this is my daughters first more serious boyfriend and I know they are of an age that they will more then likely get adventurous. I guess I just want to make sure I set her up properly if that possible.
10 Replies
16 for me until then no way!
Actually I just thought about it more and 18 is better.
I was quite happy that my parents never suggested sleep overs with my boyfriend. It allowed me the comfort to wait longer, and to not fall into a more serious relationship before I was ready.
Have they asked for sleep overs? Leave it as long as you can.
I wouldn’t until at least 16 but the closer to 18 yiu can make it the better
Man it's such a tricky situation. On one hand, you want them to wait as long as possible and on the other, you want them to be safe and at least not have sex in unsafe situations/places. With our almost 18yo son, we've only allowed sleepovers when they are not sleeping in his room in the last 3 months. Until then, his gf could stay over but she slept in one room the slept on the couch. Our bedroom isn't too far away.
After highschool
18
Arbitrary age limits or rules don't stop teenagers having sex, it just fuels a need for secrecy and dishonesty. Sex is what this sleepover question really comes down to.
I had my first serious boyfriend at 16 who's parents couldn't have given less fucks about what he was doing, my mum would barely allow him to visit let alone spend the night. Do you think that stopped me?!
Without going into my whole life story, I'll just say this:
I want my girls to wait as long as possible before they have sex but I'm also realistic, they're probably going to be ready or wanting do that sooner than I'd like.
What I don't want is for them to sneak around behind my back or put themselves into dodgy situations because I shut down the possibility of them having safe experiences at home.
I wouldn't encourage sleepovers but if/when your daughter starts expressing that she'd like to spend the night with him I think you're much better off allowing it in your home with some boundaries than plain saying no. Given your misgivings about this boy and what you know or suspect about his home life, you really don't want to push your daughter towards that.
If she's at home you have a lot more control.
If it's inevitably going to happen, invite him to yours. Her comfort zone, her space and you know in your own home, she is safe. I think 16 and over, they'll make the decision with or without you.
No sleepovers until 18 or 28🤭
Think of this do you want to be a nanny now or later in life
I think this is very dependable on the situation. If I didn't think she was comfortable or safe in his home then I would talk to my husband and make a decision. Sleep overs don't have to be in her room. You could say he's welcome to stay but has to stay in another room. Let her know you're open to the discussion of him in her room but you would like to see a longer commitment before that happens. I'm not sure how old your daughter is but I would also ensure she has everything she needs for safe sex, condoms and the pill. I would also be having a big discussion around consent and if she doesn't want to have sex she doesn't have to. Full stop.
I think this has to be a family decision. I would be talking to my husband as well. What changes the situation for me is you don't feel comfortable her being at his house. In this case I would create a safe and open environment at home with boundaries that everyone in the house is comfortable with.