Hi ladies,
I am a first time mom to a wonderful little baby girl. She is 8 months old (:
I have been a stay-at-home-mom since she was born. My husband and I talked about it before we ever even decided to create her, that once we had a child I would be a stay-at-home-mom. He is more than supportive of it, and he makes a decent amount of money with some left over for savings per paycheck.
However, I have not enjoyed being a stay-at-home-mom. I am definitely not a homemaker by any means. I keep this place clean, but that's about it. I cook dinner only for myself because I am vegan, and he is not, so he tells me he'll handle making his own food. I feel immensely guilty that he comes home from a 10hr shift(5x days a week) to make himself dinner and take on the baby. I take good care of our baby, (lots of walks, park, etc.) but I just do not enjoy it at all. I am constantly on my phone and counting down the hours for my husband to get home. I feel so cooped up, unaccomplished, and I've started so much drama with everyone around me due to boredom.
I've been thinking that moving forward we should just put our daughter into daycare & I will start a career. I feel selfish because I have the opportunity to be with her, and would be choosing not to. However I just don't feel like I'm contributing much to our family. I also feel like I could help give her a head start with learning and what not if I am an active SAHM.
My question for you all is am I taking this for granted? Should I just try to rethink how I am seeing this? Should I try to find more appreciation? Do I just not realize how hard being a working mom actually is? Could this simply be PPD?
I'm so torn, and most of all I feel guilt. I know I sound like a spoiled brat, and that's why I'm feeling so awful.
16 Replies
See a Dr to rule out PND before jumping in and starting a job thinking that will make everything better because it could make things worse.
As for meals I don't see a problem with him making his own meals, work does not mean someone else needs to do everything for you and when you do start working it can be really hard to get men to change habits and start helping when they have always had someone cater to their every need just because they work. Actually see that a lot here so don't feel bad about doing that. However as your baby gets older it will be important to have family meals where you all sit down together to eat so now will be a good time to maybe take it in turns and learn how to make dishes that can be adapted to both of your diets.
If the Dr thinks you're just bored then maybe you could study for a while?
Why did you decide to have a baby?
Sorry Troll, feed time is over, go home.
I didn’t mean it in a mean way, I just wanted her to consider and remember all the reasons why she wanted a baby. Sometimes thinking back can reset or change your mindset.
I'm sorry, I too took it as trolling. Thank you for the feedback and clarification.
More context needed then, this sounds as though you're saying she shouldn't have had a baby.
I know a lot of mums who went back to work for their own sanity, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
My friend and I both have 14 year old boys, she went back to work when her son was 6 months old, I never went back to work (I have 3 younger kids as well), both our boys are happy, well rounded teenagers. My point being that there's no need to feel guilty either way - you do whatever works for your family, in your case that very well may be you going back to work!
Deliberately creating drama with people needs to stop though. Firstly, taking out your frustrations on other people is unfair and picking fights because you're understimulated isn't okay. Secondly, you'll alienate all the people who care about you, then not only will you be bored but you'll be isolated as well and that's not going to be good for your mindset.
I don't think it would hurt to chat to your doctor about where you're at mentally/emotionally though. It does sound like you are struggling on a few levels.
Thank you for your insight. It is deeply appreciated that you put it in both perspectives.
I completely agree about the drama. It's been 100% unintentional, I just know how little drama I had when I was working compared to now. I think my brain just doesn't do well so unstimulated.
I've been going to the doctors and therapists and was put on some medication, plus I've been working out religiously. Both efforts haven't seemed to pay off much. That's why I believe it might just be the matter of working or staying home.
Again, thank you for taking the time. (:
Thank you for your insight. It is deeply appreciated that you put it in both perspectives.
I completely agree about the drama. It's been 100% unintentional, I just know how little drama I had when I was working compared to now. I think my brain just doesn't do well so unstimulated.
I've been going to the doctors and therapists and was put on some medication, plus I've been working out religiously. Both efforts haven't seemed to pay off much. That's why I believe it might just be the matter of working or staying home.
Again, thank you for taking the time. (:
Working part time saved my sanity.
I went back to work two days a week when my oldest son was 4 months old.
There is no correct answer for every person.
It’s ok to work and be a mum it’s also ok no stay at home. No one should feel any guilt.
You have the added bonus as did I of not working for financial reasons. So if you find it too much you can back out or reduce hours.
Glad to hear it worked out well for you! That gives me hope. Honestly I haven't really given a part-time job much thought, but that might be a happy middle. I was thinking more About diving into a career so I could get some use out of my college degree, but I feel way more at peace with that thought!
Thank you for your advice/feedback!!♥️
I was lucky enough that my career path is flexible so I can work as much or as little as I like in my chosen field. I realise that’s a luxury I take for granted.
I was also lucky enough that I was able to leave my 4 month old with family. Which also made the choice easier.
What's so bad about working? Your partner's a working dad is he awful? Why on earth put this pressure on yourself to do something you don't like. It's very normal, by the way, to get no joy or sense or achievement out of staying at home with children. It's also fine to delegate the looking after. Mum doesn't have to do it all. Jeez trained professionals giving your kid care while you keep your adult life going (like your partner is) isn't the worst thing you could do.
Working part time saved my sanity and makes me a happier mum! I hated how monopolous it was being a stay at home mum! I missed working. I missed that sense of achievement. I missed being able to be someone other than a wife and mother.
Thats just my personal feelings. Everyone is different and I respect those who get that sense of fullfillment from being a stay at home mum. ❤
Do what makes you the happiest! Part time/full time/SAHM.
I was miserable as a SAHM. I needed something outside of the home that isn’t a hobby and playgroup.
It did wonders for my mental health.
I could have written this myself!
I stuck at it for my sons first two years as I know kids benefit from having a parent stay home with them for their first couple of years of life. I started a degree from home, which involved a day p/w at school. And I started working a weekend day. This was enough to make me feel accomplished and stimulated.
Now my sons 3 and is in day care a few days a week and I have a year left on my degree, I feel like I have given my son the best of both worlds ! And once he is at school I will have a good job to go too.
On a side note, I think the first year is definitely the hardest! I found once my son got a bit older it was less mentally numbing to be at home with him lol.
Good luck!