I'm mad! I just found out yesterday that my daughter's step mum is telling people I do "nothing" with her. I work Monday-Friday 8-4. She doesn't work. By the time I get home it's straight to making dinner as I don't get home until after 5 and I'm so tired after. I'm a single mum so no help. So no, we don't do things like crafts or board games. BUT on the weekends I take them out! We go to all sorts of places. Parks, museums, art galleries, cat cafes, zoos...I live in the city so we have heaps of options. My ex and his wife live in the country so they do more stuff at home (which is fine with me) but I'm really upset that she said that. We do sometimes do stuff like that at home too but not all of the time and usually on Friday nights or weekends. I don't really have a question but just wanted a vent. I hate how badly mothers are judged for everything đ
21 Replies
You're doing a good job! How nice it would be to sit at home all day putting a working mother down. Keep doing what you're doing, don't retaliate but put your outings on Sm so she looks like the idiot she is x
I actually deactivated Facebook a couple of years ago and am much happier without it :) She does have a baby so I understand her staying home and think it's great she is able to, however I need to work. We do not have the same playing field and I'm just not able to do everything at home that she does everyday.
As much as itâs hard, ignore what she is saying. You continue to do you, and what works for you and your kids. No one else is walking in your shoes.
I will, thank you.
Every time I see a step mother be judgmental about petty crap or talk about how the bio mother does "nothing" with the kids, I eyeroll so hard I hurt myself!
You're a working mum with a city lifestyle, of course you're going to have a different dynamic to a stay at home mum with a country lifestyle - she's a straight up moron if she doesn't have enough insight to understand that just because you both do things differently, that doesn't make her way superior!
Just keep plugging on, you're a good mum. The fact she's attempting to get people to beleive otherwise speaks volumes about her and the people who DO beleive her aren't worth your time either.
Thank you, I agree with you!
Unrelated to your vent, and I'm sure you already do (but just in case). While kids are at their dads freeze up heaps containers of food. I hate defrosted and reheated pasta so I'll freeze batches of spag bol, savoury mince, chicken alfredo, sweet and sour, pesto etc, put one in the fridge the night before we eat it (so a good 24 hours to defrost) and then just cook pasta while the sauce reheats when I get home. Same with soup. I'll defrost a soup and just buy a sour dough or some bread rolls on my way to work (bakery closes before I get back to town). Takes a lot of pressure off a few nights a week.
Thanks! I do a lot of easy meals and do freeze some but I'm always open to new ideas đ
So you have to not give a fuck. You don't have to defend yourself to anybody, least of all her. And people with half a brain will hear her and figure it out. You work and you're a single mum, that alone is far from nothing.
But, since you have to coparent, then you do actually have a leg to stand on to tell her to pull her fucking head in, as speaking badly about the other parent is not on. I think I'd enjoy taking that route as well. Communicate it to your ex, go straight through her, and do not show a personal response or defend yourself, just pull her up.
It's just frustrating because I have NEVER judged her for how she spends time with my daughter. She's a very crafty type person, she sells stuff at markets that she makes and so she sees stuff like that as family time...which is great! But I'm just not like that. I can't sit there doing crafts all day. I don't do board game nights every night. I take my kids out on weekends instead. Neither is better than the other. They're just different.
And win for you because you don't have to. They do it at school and they get to do it with her. You're off the hook. She's nuts of she can't see that everyone's different, has different hobbies and interests and ideas about 'playing' with your children and also it's just a fact that lifestyle guides your life, working and parenting means some things have to give and that's ok, it's ok for others to fill those needs.
Meh. She's trying to undermine you, or maybe she's trying to make herself feel better? Regardless, you sound like a great mum. Your kids will earn a lot by watching you work so hard and still make an effort for special things/interaction on weekends. That sounds much more valuable in the long run than teaching them to rely on others for financial security and belittle others who are doing their best.
Trust that when they grow up they will see this for what it is.
I think there was a post that was the opposite of this a little while ago. A step mum complaining that the bio mum does nothing and she lived in the country while the bio mum lived in the city. I just rolled my eyes at that post. I don't know if it's related though.
I thought of that too
Did step mum say that to you or did your child say that? Did you hear this through a 3rd party? Did your ex say that to you?
Obviously I'd be upset too, but if it's not true what she or whoever says you do nothing for your children, then fck them. You are doing what you can to support your kids and the cost of living a lifestyle they are accustomed to is expensive.
Two separate lifestyles, two different households.
Try to ignore it. (I'm a bio mom too.)
I've heard it from several people in the country town they live in (I used to live there too)
Don't worry about people who like to gossip about stuff that's none of their business in the first place.
I hate country towns for that reason. I swear when and if I go back to that lifestyle, I'll be the grumpy cat (dog) lady who nobody sees. As in, I won't become bosom pals and gossip as a means to fit in because I am bored and haven't got stuff to do.
My dad lives in a small coastal town. You can't so much as fart without all the damn locals gossiping about it.
It's funny in a sad sort of way, they all live for the gossip but at the same time they're all terrified of becoming the basis of the gossip and they go to great lengths to keep their dirty laundry good and hidden lol.
Girl, you're so much better than this small town garbage so don't even think on it xx
Make sure you gift that kid glitter craft kids every chance you get. Never let her forget what she stupidly said when she only had a baby đ
I second the glitter and those little sticky sand stuff.
Iâm a stepmum. Iâm the worker while the mum is a stay at home mum. Her household is the âfunâ household while ours is the âboringâ household. Iâm not home all day to keep the house spotless and the washing machine going 24/7. We only have weekends and the nights to get everything done so the kids always go home whinging that theyâve done nothing while here. Doesnât matter if they have baked all day, played with their cousins, a trip to the beach for lunch, etc theyâve always done nothing. They could be saying theyâve done nothing when asked what theyâve done with you. Donât take offence. Youâre a completely different household.