Hi Mummas,
I feel like I'm going out of my mind. My ex (father of our son) is a master manipulator, he is the only person on this planet that knows how to tear me down and make me feel like sh#t. So here is my dilemma: My sons dad promised his son (6yrs old) a motorbike last Christmas, unfortunately it didn't work out as he doesn't have a stable job/ income. It's been almost a year and my son has been on about a bike so I applied for finance, got approved so pyrchased a bike. Long story short, his dad now wants to use it when he has our son. I support this very much as it would mean more riding time and enjoyment for our son however, I've asked his dad to contribute to the financial side of the bike (it was $2,300) that way the bike can be communal and not a one sided financial expense to me. He went off his nut and claims I'm mentally screwed, absolutely doesn't feel he should contribute to the cost of the bike, I'm a horrible person who's being selfish (his words). I might add that he hasn't paid any child support in 2 years. So please mumma's am I so wrong in seeking assistance from my sons dad for a bike I'm happy to share between both households? Please be kind I'm already in a down state.
Am I being selfish
Am I being selfish
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt
8 Replies
I don't think it's selfish to want your son's father to contribute financially.
I do think it was unrealistic on your part to expect a manipulative man who hasn't paid child support in two years to be on board with sharing the expense of a luxury purchase, even though it wasn't an unreasonable ask given he wants to share the bike.
My advice:
Hold him accountable for the child support. If you haven't already, get in touch with CSA.
Don't share the bike. If your ex wants to take his son riding, he can buy his own bike. Saves all arguments! Plus, I can't imagine your ex taking responsibility should the bike get damaged whilst he's using it.
If you can't afford to or don't want to take on full responsibility for financed items - don't get them. I'd also suggest that you shouldn't feel like you're obligated to uphold promises your ex breaks.
Thank you ❤ I truly appreciate the time you've taken to provide some feedback. Hope you have a wonderful weekend x
My son's first motorbike was $125 second hand, it was an import. We upgraded to a Yamaha 50cc for $1000, again 2nd hand. Dad can look around and pick up something cheaper. I agree with all the comments from the first person
Thank you sweetheart, I'm so pleased we have a platform here to help others. Bless you and have a lovely day xxx
I think you’re probably better off in the long run with him saying no, now you can, in good conscience, say no to the bike going to your exes place.
Your ex sounds like a dickhead and he probably won’t properly supervise your child and he is only six, that could be quite dangerous imo.
He’s better off riding it with you, safely with full supervision.
You have a big heart mumma but you can’t keep making up for your exes shortfalls, but I’m sure you know that xxx
Thank you lovely lady, I appreciate your reply to my issue. And thank you for the giggle didn't think that would be possible today. Big love to you xxx
No way. You bought it, he's an adult he doesn't get to play with his sons belongings (thatsa YOURS) he's a kid. He won't fix it if he breaks or loses it, he won't contribute to it, so the answer is clear, NO. And I fuckinghate how no matter how shit they are there will always be someone who tells you to awww just think of the kid... And maybe this.... And maybe that.... It's so unhealthy. NO is the right answer.
Thanks lovely, your response means a lot to me so thank you for taking the time to comment. May you have a perfect day x