My 7 yr old girl is the girl who is “annoying.” She’s the girl who people either love or hate but I fear a lot of people actually hate. She’s full on, hyper, overly confident, in people’s faces, in people’s personal space, loud, doesn’t listen a lot. She’s a special breed haha but on the other hand, she’s so kind, caring, loving, so so funny. But I find I can’t enjoy her good qualities because I’m so conscious of her “bad qualities” if we are in a group setting I am constantly saying “sally (name changed) stop doing that, sally leave her alone, sally sit down, sally get out of her face, sally use your indoor voice, sally sally sally!” I leave feeling exhausted! But lately I leave just feeling sad for her. She’s a beautiful child but I feel like I will eventually end up stifling her. I am strict with her, I don’t let her run riot, I pull her up on bad behaviour etc but this is just her personality! She’s not for everyone and instead of being ok with that I’m so obsessed with trying to make her fit in and so obsessed with what people will think of her. Any advice? Does anyone else have a child like this?
18 Replies
Lots of us do!
My child, now adult has always been an outsider. And growing up although I had friends, I was on the outer, I just didn’t quite fit anywhere.
See a child psychologist ASAP it will help
Seriously what? The kid has Sass and personality, what does she need to see a psych for? She needs to learn social cues and personal space but that's very normal for that age to overstep those things.
Different commenter here.
I don't think a child psych, pediatrician or some kind of professional therapy is a terrible idea, it's at least something OP should keep in mind.
She's 7 at the moment, getting her some help in learning those social cues will benefit her in the long run. Some kids do need professional help in that regard and I've seen some kids not get that help who really needed it. By the time they were tweens they started to become ostracized because of their lack of social skills and awareness.
It's not about repressing, changing or subduing the child's personality and character, it's about giving them the tools to function in a variety of different social settings.
Personality and sass is not the same thing as not being able to sit down and act right for even a short time while inside.
These kind of kids end up the life of the party in high school so I don't know what you mean by lose friends lol. She sounds like a lively kid with a huge, outgoing personality and that doesn't need to have a disorder branded on it. OP doesn't say anything about school or home this is when she's in a group and extroverted people can get pretty excited in group settings. I agree with the other poster, channel her energy and spirit where it will suit which is theatre, singing, dancing. She doesn't need a psych.
Agreed. OP described ADHD. And even if there isn't a diagnosis, counselling that focuses on reading other people and situations will help her immensely without blocking her wonderful qualities.
Yep my youngest is like this. She is so extroverted and it exhausts most people we are around as we're all introverts.
This will be hard work for you mama but all these things you see as bad will end up being her good quality's. Look at Steve Irwin and all the energy he had, so animated and in your face. Now imagine him as a kid lol. My favourite people are loud and full of energy.
Get her into activities where she can be her outgoing little self! Kids drama/theatre classes would be great!
I’d go see the paediatrician. She sounds like she might have adhd.
I have married him, now mid 40s he is starting to settle.
A girl will be tricky because they are naturally expected to be calmer.
My hubby isn’t for everyone, his own family cringe.
We have to tell our kids that not everyone’s Dad is like him, their friends love him.
He is a lot to deal with, he also enjoys driving everyone up the wall.
Enjoy and embrace her individuality
Your daughter is my kinda person! I work in a setting with children like this and they are my fav. They are full of life and laughter and sass and enthusiasm, they're not afraid to be themselves or say no or give their opinion, they're usually very creative and fun and have a whole world of their own going on. The world needs people like your daughter to keep it alive. I know it's hard (I have one of my own) but please know that she is a gift to this world xxx
Behavioural therapy required
My 8 year old is exactly the same! I also say the same things but now we have surrounded ourselves around people who love her personality. Sometimes she does need a reminder to let adults speak but she has been so use to being told to be quiet that when she is around people who accept her as she is, she’s happy!
This is my daughter! I stifled her and omg this is my biggest regret. She’s 11 going on 12 and she is now shy, insecure and a shadow of her vibrant self. Whilst she still has a big heart, I feel that people just take advantage of that. Now she doesn’t have the confidence to stand up for herself and always thinks that she must have done something wrong. And that’s my fault, because I was always saying ‘sally stop that’!!
How I wish I could get that “annoying” back.
My advice is let her be - Embrace her quirks, because you will regret it when she doesn’t have them.
I know that feeling. Except my younger child is a sooky clingy child to me and yet she still annoys people. I hear the grunts that get made towards her...and some are meant to be my friend... Just hoping that she doesn't hear them too. It's so heartbreaking and upsetting. Yes my child can be annoying but too bad she is not being clingy and sooky at you. We need to remember that our kids have been through alot the past year... It definitely would effect them.
I have a son like this. I make sure every day I connect and let him know I love him exactly for who he is. Just got to get the right balance of discipline and connection.