Hi Mummas
History - SO moved in with my BD7 and me nearly 6 yrs ago. His business went down when his ex drove him bankrupt. I supported him for 2 years as his MH was really bad. Spent $50k in Family Court to see his kids as narcissist ex dragged a simple case into 3 day trial. Paid his CSA bill of $4k that she had backdated 18months. Fast forward to 3 years ago we moved into a home I have inherited. He’s paid no board but fixed things as they broke (mechanic). last year the In-laws moved in. Oct I had to go PT due to them needing someone around. Feb I resigned from a secure job of $1150 a week as they needed FT care. Moved and now renting but I’m still not working as this year since I was to be home homeschooling BD while still got Parents. Mid April I got $400 for the week To keep house and bills. I squealed and 3 wks ago we opened a joint account for his pay to go into, both have access. But..he is still transferring $ called housekeeping and bills yet he keeps between $350-$450. I pay his CSA, regos, rent food, cook clean etc. should I be taking the same out for MY savings too? I am left with nothing at the end of the week as he will spend the leftovers too. My teen wants to help me financially but I reject the offer. We are not married and until last holidays I also entertained SD11 regularly while he was working too. Feeling a bit low.
Financial abuse or am I mistaken?
Financial abuse or am I mistaken?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
12 Replies
Sounds like he's just as much a dead beat drop kick as his ex is so I don't know why you are so bitter about her but yet not about him where their court issues and divorce settlements are concerned.
As for his expenses, you chose to pay. Now he thinks he has it made and is taking the piss . Seems like he was this way beforehand as well. It's very likely he may have been the same with his ex, hence her taking him for everything he's worth.
I know how used you are feeling and you have every right to feel abused and taken advantage of. But you paid willingly and now have buyers remorse.
Stop spending and stop helping them in other ways. Move them all out the house before they claim that too.
So you've been paying everything all this time and you only just got a joint account? What a leach. No wonder his ex got what she could unfortunately you let that come from you not him. I really think you need out of this situation, go back to your house if you still have it. Is the house in a trust? If not you may need legal advice to see what his chances are of him taking part of it. You don't need him.
I don't think it's financial abuse but it's definitely not right at all. He is just very selfish and doesn't care about your financial situation only his own. If your money is going into the joint account I would stop that. You need to have a good look at this, stop paying for anything of his and if you have had separate finances all this time I think it's completely fair to ask him to pay back the money he owes you for CS, regos etc. You shouldn't have been paying any of that.
And when you break up, you will be the "narcissistic ex" bleeding him dry in his sad sob story he tells the next girlfriend. I'm sorry but he sounds like an opportunistic drop kick.
Not financial abuse. He is a selfish mooch though
How did you get strung into pay those huge bills? I payed for my abusive ex's car at 18 (he was late 20's) with money I'd saved working my crappy after school job because he cried and cried about how that car was so special to him and how much it meant to him and how his ex had made his life so difficult and what he'd been through hell with her. He promised to pay me back. That it was just because he didnt have the money at the time, but if he had the car he'd be able to work....
Well I never saw the money again. And he did go on to finacially abuse me along with the other abuse. Turns out he was the same with his ex.
So I do wonder how your partner conned you into paying for his debts and why you think you should be responsible for bailing him out of fiancial trouble?
He sounds financially awful and has taken you for a ride from day 1.
What is MH?
Mental health
Thank you
Stop paying his bills, he’s taking you for a ride and you’re right there letting him do it. Bills get divided up by the amount of people in the house. Electricity by 6 and he pays 4 shares or his parents pay 2 and he pays 2, same as internet,phone, gas, water and they (his parents) will be paying you rent. Do you get carers for looking after them or does he? because someone should. Otherwise they’re just taking you for a ride. Why did you give up your job? They aren’t your parents to look after they are his parents to look after. And why are you paying his rego?? Bet you he’s got you paying any fines he gets too.
You should be keeping all of your financial seperate and be making him sign a lease from the moment he moved into your house. He’s such a leech if you break up with him, you’re going to have to pay him out.
What on earth are you doing? Why are his parents and his bills your responsibility? And his child support??Hunny, you are being taken for a ride big time. These aren’t just minor red flags, you have a red neon light the size of the Sydney Opera house flashing you square in the face.
You are in serious risk of losing all the funds you gained from your inheritance. You need to leave right now. Please! It’s not a question of if he’ll drag you down into his financial level, but when. Please, please get out now before it’s too late.