Hello, I am a full time worker 9-5 Monday to Friday. My daughter is a feisty 9 year old who is a very capable little being. As part of her extra curriculars she has first aid and CPR knowledge, she regularly attends school with very minimal abscences and by all reports is a model student. She is by no means perfect, but we work through challenges together. I have a partner that works away for long periods and her biological father has minimal casual contact with her. During COVID we struggled, we tried to co ordinate leave and days off to ensure that she always had someone with her at home but some days this was just not possible. To compound this, the local OOSH facility closed and there was no external availability for care when I was required to work. During the Christmas holidays she was supposed to spend a couple of weeks with her father, and this did not happen, meaning the leave that I had taken did not cover all the days that she was back at home. Upon the return to school this year we were fortunate that another facility has opened, and she now attends after school and during school holidays. In the last 2 weeks I have had police attend my house, my partner was home at the time with my daughter, to perform a child wellbeing check after a community report of her being left home alone. She was left home alone; however, I was comfortable with this as she was well aware of how to contact me, what to do and where to go in an emergency and I periodically checked in with her through the day. She was clear on the rules of her being at home and abided by them. We live in a small country town and she regularly visits friends houses and goes to the nearest park with rules regarding notifying me and return times. The police spoke to my partner, he invited them in to view the house and they also saw my daughter at home with him. They refused the invitation and advised there was nothing further. They did provide a card with details of the officer who was from the local station, but no instructions regarding requiring further contact. 8 days later I received a call from the school principal to advise me that the Child Wellbeing Unit had called and spoken to her and asked if the school had any concerns. The principal assured me that they did not and felt conflicted as they then advised her that now that she had this information, she was now mandated to contact me and advise that she had been contacted by them as she was doing. She asked if they had been in contact with me directly and they advised that they had attempted to contact me but as yet had not spoken to me. No calls have been missed or blocked on my phone, no formal letters provided to my home, no further visits to my home, no calls or visits to my workplace. I live in a small town, my facebook profile contains all my contact details publicly, there have been no attempts to speak with me directly relating this matter. I am quite angry regarding this and I do not know who to contact or call. I understand that not everyone would make the same choices that I have but I am confident that my child was safe, and if at all needed me I was able to help her.
TL;DR – Full time worker had to leave capable 9 year old at home alone during the work day for some days last year due to COVID and other commitments. Care and full supervision arrangements have been back in place since February 2021. Now has Police conducting visits and contacting school but no attempts to contact mother directly. Who does she call, what does she do.
26 Replies
I would say some bored person called the police for a wellbeing check on your daughter and probably put in a report to Children's Services as well. What has happened so far is most likely the end of it. They came to check, then called the school to double check. You would be amazed how many times police get called to do these, sometimes they come from a place of real concern and other times someone just likes causing trouble.
I think youll find what you did was illegal.
Is that her question? And it's only illegal in some states, most don't even specify an age they take a range of factors into consideration
So they will factor in other states laws and agree 9 is too young to be left alone all day.
It depends on the state you live in
I'm sure heaps of people over the Covid period did this same thing as all choices were removed from them. As far as i was aware day care centres were still open for essential workers and they do take 9 yr olds on the interim during that time
Pretty sure all schools (primary schools at least) remained open for children of essential workers too!
Not OP but it happened in the school holidays
Oh, fair enough. I only skimmed through this to the TL;DR part where it only mentioned this happened because of covid so I assumed this took place during lockdown.
Not really fair enough the school holidays only made up for two weeks of Covid.. surely between the two they could have covered that or taken her to work etc
If it was during covid you could stay home if your kids were home of course. If you were essential then schools were open for kids.
Miscommunication on my part 🤦♀️
I meant fair enough as in I stand corrected, not fair enough leaving a 9 year old at home is reasonable.
I mean, I guess you'd call the local police station as they'd be the ones conducting the welfare checks.
Don't be surprised if you find that they aren't obligated to share any details of their investigations with you.
I also think you'll find that if there's any ongoing issues (which sounds unlikely), you will be contacted by a case worker.
I know you're angry about this and I do get why, I can't in all honesty say that I wouldn't be if I were in your shoes but to put it into perspective, someone (or maybe even more than one person) who likely lives near you noticed your 9 year old daughter spending extended periods of time on her own and did what they felt was right.
I'd rather a report like this be made that turns out to be nothing than people not reporting when they notice something awry because they have an "it's not my business" attitude - which is pretty much how it is in bigger cities...
I'm glad someone reported this. Means someone cares about your child. COVID was hard. It was shit. I had to take time off and so did my husband to stay with our nearly 9yo. Because yeah, he probably could look after himself. And my parents left me home alone from 7 (diff country lol). But...it only takes one little incident for something tragic to happen. We don't mollycoddle our kids by any means. But may be someone saw or heard a 9yo being left alone for more than a reasonable time (I guess over an hour) and thought they were doing the right thing.
They haven't 'failed to contact you '. They went to your house. They left details. They were diligent and contacted the school when they didn't get you. You left an under age child at home for a lengthy period. You also let her go to places in public like parks with no supervision. The fact is, something coukd go wrong and she can't exactly call an ambulance or give herself CPR if it does. And no 9 yr old child, no matter how smart, will overpower an adult trying to harm them. I understand your reasoning, but you need to see why it was followed up on don't you?
While I’m sympathetic - I’m not sure you have a right to be angry here..
You may feel your daughter is up to it.. but should she have that level of responsibility at 9?
The police where well within there rights to follow up and enquire after your daughters well being, in our state it is illegal to leave a child of that age home alone! Whether she can reach you or not - she is too young to emotional cope with a significant accident/ event. She is a child and her reasoning skills are such.
Absolutely agree.
My 13 year son old is more sensible, capable and responsible than many 18 year old boys I know.
He experienced a minor issue that I hadn't thought to prepare him for (plumbing emergency lol) whilst I was out of the house, he completely lost his head in a moment of panic - every process I'd taught him about what he should do in the event of a crisis went right out the window.
So I really don't think even the most well equipped and mature 9 year old would keep a level head or know what to do in the event of a real emergency.
Some one was concerned, and the report has to be followed up and that is just how the cookie crumbles. Honestly, no matter how responsible my child was, 9yo, is just far too young to be left home alone, let alone all day, regardless of where I lived.
Remember, kids die, because people are not game enough to report, or things simply ignored. this person was clearly looking out for a child they felt needed it.
You're spot on in that second paragraph!
There was a case on the news where authorities found the body of a child who'd been deceased in their bed for weeks.
I remember the media interviewing neighbors who basically said they knew something about the situation was off but they didn't like to interfere.
Police doing a welfare check is far better than the alternative and diligent or 'nosey' neighbors are actually a blessing.
OP here - I get the point - I should not have posted here - completely crucified - I expected a couple of people to say they wouldn't have made the same choice but that isn't what I am asking here. Nothing helpful and I just feel even more misunderstood and unfairly judged.
1. It was school holidays and the local care facility was closed by the corporate that operated it forcing many families to take up care up to 30 km away completely filling vacancies - there was no room for her anywhere.
2. The leave that was taken did not cover every day - we exhausted all leave and had up to 3 months unpaid leave between us. Her bio father was supposed to have full care of her for 2 full weeks and bailed and my request for additional leave was not able to be honoured.
3. I made regular contact with her on the hour every hour
4. NSW no legalities around age - only capabilities
5. Things could go wrong at any time regardless of location or supervision - I understand this and accepted the risk. Would I have ever forgiven myself if something went wrong? No, but that was the choice I made.
6. I made this choice for myself and my daughter - not yours - it wasn't easy and there were many discussions and alternatives sought - there was NO other choice.
7 I'm not angry about the report - to a point - I am angry because at no point have the Child Wellbeing Unit requested to speak directly with me or attempted to. My partner directly asked if i needed to speak with the police and they said no, the officer that left a card was contacted and he advised that he was issued the job by the Child Wellbeing Unit and he was satisfied that everything was fine and advised there was nothing further needed. The principal asked who I needed to speak with and they told her that I did not need to contact anyone but she had to contact me.
Also if the situation was reversed I would have gone to that Mum and invited her for a cuppa to have a chat and offer my help and a place for her daughter to stay - not made a report that could potentially inflame the situation and place more stress on an already exhausted Mumma.
So call the child welfare unit or police yourself if you really need to follow up.
Their job is to ensure your daughter is safe and okay, they have deemed that to be the case - that's it, it's done.
I'm sorry but they're not going to waste their limited time and resources chasing you up if they don't need to.
Also, it's admirable that you'd invite someone for a cuppa and offer to help them out if the tables were turned, but you can't blame people for not wanting to get that involved or perhaps they were unable to offer you any help and they believed the best way to help you and your child was by reporting it to the people who are in a position to help.
Always amazed at the people who would rather dob than help. You did what you had to in a small town with no childcare. My 4 kids were left at home after school for 3 hours from when my eldest was 12 and youngest was 7. I was a single parent with no childcare in our town and no family, it was pretty normal in that town for kids school aged kids to be home alone. They were more than capable and my youngest is now 17 and they are all very independent I have been leaving for up to 2 nights for 5 years now. Im sure if you lost your job and were unable to support your child you would be getting just as much judgment.
As an 80's kid I was at home alone from 6. I did have older siblings but if i was sick i was at home all day by myself.
I guess that's a matter of perspective, isn't it?
Because I'm always amazed at the amount of people who are willing to turn a blind eye when they notice a kid might not be in the most ideal situation.
As a society, we really need to find a middle ground between people being too affraid to report and people being too quick to report 🤷♀️
As a side note, I was a latch key 90s kid. Left at home from a really young age (and it wasn't even necessary, my mum didn't work). I was home alone sick once at 9 or 10 and someone attempted to break into my house. Had they been successful, I may not be here to tell the tale.
At the end of the day though, all's well that ends well.
Op- Your daughter is fine, you now have appropriate care arrangements in place, police investigated this report relatively swiftly which may not feel like it but is a good thing, they decided no other intervention was necessary (again, good thing). The worst to come out of it was you ending up with a bit of a bruised pride, so maybe it's just worth putting the whole thing behind you for the sake of your inner peace.
The point here isn’t that you shouldn’t have posted here... the point is you shouldnt have left your 9 year old at home along for the length of a work day..
Also the police were checking your daughter wasn’t alone in that moment. She wasn’t and they were satisfied she was taken care of. They contacted the school to find out if they had concerns of neglect. The school didn’t. It was necessary for them to hear your justifications. So I’m not sure why your angry... your input wasn’t necessary.
I understand you feel judged but people aren’t always going to pat you on the back when your decisions maybe questionable.
You say you have accepted that risk but in reality the risk falls on your daughters shoulders...
I absolutely would have contacted you directly rather than dobbed you in.. and offered care. I understand that it’s hard.
Maybe it’s time to work on your village.. maybe your daughters friends parents could arrange a care swap..
Being an adult is sometimes accepting criticism. You may never see fault in your actions. But self reflection is powerful. Take a moment sit with it then take it or leave it.
You know your partner is an adult and carer of the child in the home too, why isn’t talking to him enough? What additional information can you give?
I feel for you though, it was a shit time, extraordinary circumstances where a lot of people were forced to do things they wouldn’t normally do. I’m sure many reports have been made similar, many people in the same boat, a quick welfare check, done.
Youre clearly not like the woman above who thinks its okay to leave her 12 year old in the care of siblings for a weekend away, these are the people they are concerned about. They saw you weren’t like that, plus you had to do it out of necessary, it’s over now, try to put it behind you. I would be devo too, try to forget about it x
They didn't fail to contact. They were at your house. If you needed further information than provided, their contact details were also left. Surely these were the first point of contact for you. I'm sure they would know more information than a group of people on the internet.